Her eyes filled with tears, and her heart seemed to beat too fast.
“Why did you wait until now to show me?”
“I dug the box out the day I broke up with Lucy.” Archie took her hand. “It’s always been you, Pandora. There’s never been anyone else, there never will be. But you fell in love with Owen. After Owen proposed to Lillian, I was going to say something. Then you and Harley fell in love. Harley was my close friend, so I stepped aside.”
“You never said anything, even the night we made love,” Pandora said, almost to herself.
“I did say it that night, but you didn’t seem to hear it. Why do you think I agreed to go to England? I couldn’t bear to be around your marriage. I thought about you the whole time I was there. After you didn’t respond to my letters, I even went to Paris.” His eyes darkened. “But I saw you sitting in a café with a man, so I turned around and took the first train back to London.”
It really had been Archie she’d seen outside the café window in Paris! If only he had come inside, or if she’d realized it was him and ran after him, they might have been together sooner.
Archie kept talking. “I couldn’t defy my parents, and I couldn’t break up with Lucy. It was only when I came home and saw you again, so sure of yourself and looking so lovely with that French haircut, that I had to act.”
Pandora felt almost dizzy with happiness and relief.
“You were so angry with me. I thought you’d never speak to me again.”
“I was angry at you, and I had my pride,” Archie agreed. “But what good would my anger do if it meant living without you.”
Pandora couldn’t help but smile.
“So you do have feelings for me?” Pandora had to hear him say it again.
Archie pulled her close. He touched her mouth.
“If you don’t believe me, I’ll have to show you.”
Archie’s kiss was long and deep; Pandora thought she’d never breathe again.
They pulled apart and Pandora laughed.
“I believe you, but you might have to keep showing me.” She reached up and kissed Archie again. “We have years of kissing to catch up on.”
The next morning, Pandora sat in the cottage’s living room, sipping a cup of coffee.
Virginia appeared in the doorway. She wore one of Pandora’s own designs, a yellow pleated skirt and sleeveless yellow blouse. She had a Lenglen Bandeau wrapped around her forehead.
“I didn’t know you were home,” Pandora said in greeting.
“I just arrived.” Virginia sat down opposite her. “I saw Esme playing on the lawn.”
Esme and Picasso were spending the morning chasing each other in the garden while Pandora caught up on some paperwork.
Pandora handed the shoe box to Virginia.
“I recognize this,” Virginia responded, puzzled. “It’s from a pair of mother’s old Stead and Simpson pumps.”
“I have something to tell you. It’s about me and Archie.” Pandora sat back against the cushions.
Virginia glanced at Pandora questioningly, and Pandora let it all tumble out. That she realized she had always been in love with Archie. She told her of driving into New York to tell him her feelings and hoping he felt the same. Their meeting at P.J. Clarke’s and then Archie appearing at Riverview with the shoe box and telling Pandora he was in love with her too.
The only part she left out was her secret about Esme. She would never share that with anyone but Archie.
“I always knew you would end up together,” Virginia said when Pandora finished.
“You never said anything.”
“We were so young; you were hardly going to get married at fifteen,” Virginia reflected.
It seemed so obvious to Pandora now. The way Archie always tried to protect her, how there was a skip to her step when he was around. Whenever they were apart, she felt like a piece of her was missing.
Perhaps it had taken this long for a reason. They both had so much growing up to do.
“You don’t believe in love and marriage,” Pandora said.
“I don’t believe in marriage for myself,” Virginia answered. “But I publish books for a living.” She smiled. “Literature isn’t anything without love.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
August 1930, Hyde Park, New York
The afternoon of Adele’s party, Pandora got ready in the cottage at Riverview. She stood in front of the small closet and wondered how her life would have turned out if Harley’s scandal had never happened and the stock market hadn’t crashed.
She would be in her dressing room at Summerhill, putting the finishing touches on her makeup. Her closet would be filled with expensive dresses from Paris and Palm Beach, and from her bedroom window, she would look out on Summerhill’s manicured hedges and the tiered garden that led down to the Hudson. Harley would appear, boyish and handsome in a white vest and straw hat, his cheeks tan and his hair golden from a summer of house parties. Esme would join them in a pretty pink dress, her doll trailing beside her, and they’d drive to Blythdale together.
Sometimes it still made Pandora so angry. Harley had risked everything to be with Porter. Harley wouldn’t be there when Esme graduated from high school, when she started college, or when she got married. And Milton and Adele would never recover from the loss. They had Annie and her children, and Esme, but it wasn’t enough. The burden of losing three sons would stay with them forever.
At other times, she felt sorry for Harley and even blamed herself. She should never have agreed to marry him, and she shouldn’t have insisted that he remain faithful. Harley couldn’t help being homosexual. If only she had been able to tell him that nothing was worth taking his own life. And she would never know if he killed himself or if he died in the fire.
She hoped that one day the world would be different. That men like Harley could live their lives in the open. What kind of life was it for those men? To be denied your goals or dreams because the one thing you wanted, to love and be loved for who you were, wasn’t possible.
As Pandora looked over the partygoers on the lawn at Blythdale, she knew she was lucky. She had Esme, her friends and family, and now she had Archie. Pandora saw Archie standing on the terrace. He looked incredibly handsome in a white polo sweater and white shorts. His blond hair had grown longer again, and his face was tan from weekends in the sun.
“There you are,” he said as he joined her. He kissed her gently. “I’m sorry I’m late; I stopped at Riverview to talk to your father.”
“To talk to my father?” Pandora repeated.
Pandora hoped Archie wasn’t going to propose. She wasn’t ready to get married.
For the first time in her life, she was really enjoying herself. She wasn’t worried that Archie didn’t share her feelings, the way she had worried with Owen. And she wasn’t nervous that something fierce and irreversible would happen to shatter their happiness, like when she was married to Harley. And their relationship wasn’t simply the sexual desire she experienced with Maurice. Being with Archie was everything she wanted at the same time. For now, she didn’t need anything more.
Archie noticed Pandora’s expression. He grinned.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to drop down on my knee like Owen with Lillian in front of all these people.” He chuckled. “I told Willie what I thought he should know.” He took Pandora’s hand. “That from now on, I’ll put your and Esme’s happiness before my own. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”