“I brought you an apology coffee.” She offers me one of the cups from the cardboard tray. I take it from her hand, noting that it’s not decaf. Mixing this with my meds will launch me to the moon. But it’s the thought that counts… I guess.
“Thanks.”
Chase’s eyebrows lift. Not only is he nosy, but he also never misses a thing. “Apology for what?”
I cut in before Abby can respond. “Oh, we had a silly little argument last night. Nothing major. You know, girl stuff.”
Girl stuff? I don’t make any sense right now. Hopefully he’s too tired to notice.
“Right. Whatever.” He stomps back upstairs muttering something beneath his breath. I don’t love that he’ll be crabby with me for a while, but it’s still better than the alternative of being found out.
Head spinning, I usher Abby into my room and close the door behind her. I’m still kind of pissed at her, but also trying to process everything that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours. I almost can’t decide how upset I should be. Shouldn’t I be able to look out for myself?
Abby flops onto my bed, giving me an expectant look. “What’s going on, missy?”
For once in her life, she’s actually whispering.
“Nothing,” I hiss back.
Rifling through my drawers, I search for something to wear. I still haven’t fully unpacked, and I can’t find a single thing lately. I’m drowning in clothes—and I have a few more deliveries on the way. I should declare a shopping hiatus. Will I? Probably not.
“Bullshit. You left with Hades. Something had to have happened.”
“I left because I wasn’t feeling good, Abbs. Tyler wouldn’t take advantage of me like that.”
“If you say so…” She purses her lips, studying me. Then her green eyes fly open with sudden realization. “Wait. Something happened with you two this morning.”
How does she know that? Oh my god. Is it written on my face? Does Chase know?
“Shh!” I hush her. Not only do I not want my brother to hear, but there’s also a tiny part of me that doesn’t fully trust Abby with this information. I can’t explain it; she’s supposed to be one of my best friends. I’ve known her since we were little.
Lately, there’s this nagging friction between us that she doesn’t seem to notice. It’s not clear whether she’s changed, or I have. Maybe we’re just growing apart. But who does that leave me with? I hardly know anyone here. Siobhan and Bailey are lovely, but maybe they feel obligated to hang out with me as part of some girlfriendly duty.
“Did you guys fuck?”
“No. You interrupted us.” Much to my dismay. A tiny part of me was worried I’d built Tyler up too much in my head. That time and imagination had distorted my memory of our night together, twisting reality into some kind of impossible fantasy. That the real thing couldn’t possibly live up to what I remembered.
I was wrong. It’s so much better.
Abby grimaces. “Oops.”
Turning away, I step into some clean underwear, then put on a matching pink bra. It seems wrong to get dressed before I’ve even showered but I can’t even begin to think about going back downstairs and seeing Tyler after what just happened.
“And you almost busted me with Chase,” I add, slipping a tank top over my head. “Just text next time, Abbs.”
“You’re not going to get a boyfriend and turn boring on me, are you?”
Excuse me?
Tugging on a pair of yoga pants, I glance up at her. “Why would a boyfriend make me boring?” There’s an edge to my tone I can’t hide.
She lifts a shoulder. “Because then you won’t want to go out and do fun things anymore.”
“Last night wasn’t exactly fun for me. Where were you, anyway?”
What upsets me most of all about this scenario is that I would never do the same to her. In fact, I’ve taken care of Abby countless times, both back in high school as well as when I came back home for visits in college.
“I was in the living room the whole time. I would’ve helped you if I had known. I’m sure it would’ve passed quickly if you waited it out.”
I’m not so sure that the first part is true. Abby isn’t exactly the nurturing type. She might have patted my back for a minute, but would she have really stayed with me until I calmed down? Either way, there’s no chance I could’ve stayed at the party. Between the lights, the music, and the people, it was complete sensory overload.
Shame seeps into the pit of my stomach. Why did I do that, anyway? I’ve never taken hard drugs before. In the moment, I’d been overwhelmed by everything that had happened at the doctor. Fear, grief, sadness, anxiety. It was too much; all I wanted was for it to stop.
In retrospect, it seems like such an irresponsible choice.
Does Tyler think less of me now? Ugh. I always screw things up.
“I need to cut back on going out anyway, Abbs. I have to pick a major ASAP and I need to make sure my grades stay up.” Although this is a legitimate concern, it isn’t the only reason. I’m more than a little annoyed with her after last night. And if that’s an average weekend outing for Abby, I’m not sure we’ll be hanging out much.
“Psh.” She waves a hand dismissively. “Who cares about all that? Just get an M-R-S degree.”
“M-R-S?”
“Yeah,” she says. “A Mrs. degree. A.k.a., marry rich.”
I groan. “Abby…”
“What? That’s my plan.” Abby tips back her coffee. “I guess it’s different when you already have lots of money like you do. You can become a sugar mama and have a rotation of hot pool boys.”
While that idea might appeal to her, it sounds highly depressing to me. My father left me an inheritance to ensure I would be financially stable and could pursue my dreams, not loaf around and pay hot younger men for sexual favors.
Thinking about the future brings me back to what happened at the doctor’s office yesterday. My stomach sinks to the floor. What if the test comes back positive? I’m sure that would be a great icebreaker on dates.
“By the way, I’m nearly guaranteed to develop cancer, and I need to have children sooner than later.”
No pressure there, right?
I hate that I have to think about this right now. I hate that Mom is sick in the first place.
All the emotions from yesterday start to well up again. I draw in a breath, holding it for a beat before I exhale slowly, counting to five inside my head. It doesn’t help. My entire body is brimming with anxiety, threatening to overflow.
Clearing my throat, I paste on a neutral expression as I work to conceal the turmoil inside. “I hate to kick you out, Abbs, but I have a ton of schoolwork to do.”
She makes a face. “What? It’s not even noon.”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Super swamped.” In truth, none of my assignments should take overly long. I need some time by myself to process everything. Or try to, at least.
Once I escort a protesting Abby out the door, I go back into my room and lock myself inside. A sigh of relief slips through my lips. She seemed more than a little miffed, but I don’t particularly care.