Daniel turned away, able to breathe once again as oxygen returned to the room. “I need to get this done.” He picked up the dress and sat at the sewing machine, pointedly ignoring James as he let the task at hand take over his mind. It didn’t completely block out James’s presence, but James took care of that, the door clicking softly as he left the room, leaving Daniel all alone.
Chapter Nine
James had never felt so clueless in his life. His head spun from the “come here, go away” feeling he kept getting. The thing was, the “come here” part seemed to be stronger, but maybe he was wrong and just being stupid. Usually he’d ask Randy for advice, but that was pretty much out of the question at this point, mainly because Randy would hold it over his head for the rest of his life. And because he wasn’t supposed to be getting so churned up over Daniel. Maybe if he just concentrated and saw only Daniella. He wasn’t attracted to women. Sighing, he recollected how that notion had already crashed and burned completely. James had been attracted to Daniella when he’d had no idea about Daniel. Besides, all he had to do was inhale Daniel’s scent and he forgot all about the outward accessories and the man underneath came forward.
“Son, you seem perplexed,” his dad said as he passed. “Troubles with Daniella?” He motioned to sit. “Let me give you the best advice I can when it comes to women. Whatever you did, just say you’re sorry.” He sat down in his chair and James did the same on the sofa.
“I didn’t do anything,” James explained, already feeling a headache coming on.
His father chuckled. “That’s the time when you need to apologize the most. It took me ten years and three children to figure that out. She thinks you did, and that’s enough.” He turned on the television and settled in to watch baseball.
“I never heard you and Mom fight when we were growing up,” James said.
His father turned his head away from the television. “We fought; everyone does.” He turned back to the television and released a deep breath. “Talk to her.”
“I can’t…she…” James could not explain to his father exactly what was going on, and that was part of the problem. He didn’t know what was real and what was an act any longer. This was all his fault, and now he had to find his way through this minefield of dresses, makeup, and deception all on his own.
“Ah, I see,” his father whispered knowingly as he sat forward. “I thought that I recognized something was amiss. You’re not telling us everything about Daniella, are you? You know, if you look closely enough, it’s pretty obvious.” His gaze bored into James, and for an instant he felt completely exposed and vulnerable. A cold chill ran up his back, and James held his hands together just to keep them from shaking.
“I…” He opened his mouth to try to explain, but his father continued. This was his worst nightmare. James’s mind raced in a million directions at once.
His father looked toward the kitchen and motioned for James to come closer. “What were you thinking?” The tone was barely above a whisper and knife sharp, and James lowered his gaze. “I’m not stupid, and don’t think for a second that I condone this type of thing. Lying to your mother…”
“Dad, I… There are things that you don’t know.” The ground beneath his feet turned to quicksand in a second, his heart raced, and James could almost feel the end of his life with his family approaching like a freight train.
His father’s face transformed with a smile. “You really care for this girl,” he said. “I can see it.”
“What?” James tried to make his head shift gears in a second as relief warred with the idea that he should just come clean and tell his father everything. Still, he only had a few more days and then he could return to Chicago and everything would go back to the way it was. Though keeping his secret was taking its toll. His sisters might be okay with him being gay, but his parents…that was a different ball game. And no matter what happened, everything would change and James wasn’t ready to be their gay son or their gay brother…marginalized because of part of who he was.
“Daniella’s important to you. I see the way you look at her. And, son, you have to be careful. Your mother is on a tear to get you married. It’s what that woman lives for, especially now that Holly is getting married. And if she sees the way you feel about Daniella, the pressure on the two of you will become completely unbearable.”