A beep sounds from the door, and it swings open, banging off the wall. I shouldn’t flinch – I don’t mean to – but my heart races momentarily and I pull the duvet to my chest as if Chris is about to fly in and smash his fist into my face.
Kade pauses in the threshold as if he’s forgotten I’m here, his brow raised at my scared expression, before he slowly closes the door.
I let my grip on the covers go and pretend to read my book, refusing to acknowledge his presence. But the energy changes when he’s near – if I couldn’t read before, I definitely can’t now.
I keep the book open anyway and watch him over the top of it.
He tosses his car keys on the hotel dresser, shrugs out of his jacket and drops it on the little chair on the way to the bathroom.
Hello to you too, asshole.
His phone dings on the dresser once, twice, a thousand bloody times. I ignore it as the news reporter on the TV announces a horrific death in the centre of Edinburgh. I glance up at the screen as she stands with a microphone in the rain, explaining that the body of a man was found decapitated in the middle of Holyrood Park a few hours ago. A harrowing murder in broad daylight.
“Woah,” I blurt. I turn the volume up, my book forgotten as it slides off my lap, and shift to the foot of the bed, watching the footage of police officers cordoning off the area. Another view comes from a helicopter hovering over the park .
“Did you see this?” I call out to Kade, but of course, he doesn’t answer me. “This is so close to us.”
They’re still looking for the attacker – someone tall, strong and wearing a black balaclava. No evidence has yet been found except for a snippet of CCTV but they have no way of identifying the perpetrator. The officers are on foot and in vehicles, hunting for the person who did it.
I could never take another person’s life, despite what I’ve sometimes thought about doing to Chris. The idea alone makes me tremble and pull myself back into bed. I mute the reporter, trying to refocus on my book. Maria – the main character – is going on a blind date and hoping to end her three-year dry spell.
My one-night stand with Bryan-or-Byron was the last time I had sex, and quite frankly, I can’t say it was memorable. To be fair, I haven’t heard a peep from him either, so I guess we’re mutual on it being a one-time thing.
I can’t risk touching myself at home with Chris under the same roof. Maybe my need for pleasure explains why things went as far as they did at the studio. It explains where I got the balls to even make the first move, considering my nerves were all over the place just from having Kade’s hands on me.
Is it normal to hate him and want to feel him inside me?
Is it normal to wake up sweating and seconds from orgasming from memories alone?
Probably not.
If the girls hadn’t shown up early for class last night, I strongly believe Kade and I would’ve ended up on the studio floor again. It’s still there – the tension that cripples me, the pull towards him that has me internally screaming. All the feelings I’ve locked away. Each time my eyes land on his, I want him. But I also want to slap him hard enough to hurt him.
The bathroom door opens and closes, and I glance up. “Did you eat?” I ask, my voice cracking at the end when I see he’s only in a pair of boxers.
Holy mother of God.
I grab my book and hold it tight in my grip as I let my gaze fall down his body.
He was lean before, but now? He’s huge. I let my eyes take in his powerful back, muscles upon muscles bunching as he pulls things out of his bag. His arms look different without a top on, like he could crush my skull with his bare hands. My lungs give up when he straightens and turns to me, flashing his abs, chest, that perfect V of muscle and happy trail.
Dark tattoos litter his tanned skin – ones he didn’t have before that cover older ones that had meaning for me. There are snakes. A lot of snakes. An hourglass with clock hands behind it covering what used to be a blooming rose he’d had done for me over his heart.
Despite that, he’s a work of art – he always has been, but the Kade I once rolled around in bed with and laughed with while watching our usual movie is even hotter than before.
“Yeah.”
And his legs? They could suffocate someone with their size. He has designs wrapping around one and distorted animals on the other. The ink vanishes up into his boxers, and I wonder if he has his—
“You done?”
My eyes quickly fall to my book, a blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks. “I was daydreaming. Don’t get any ideas that I’d waste my eyesight on you. And you can sleep on the floor.”
I can feel his anger. If he can talk to me like shit on the bottom of his shoe, I can do the same to him.
“Why would I?”
“Because I hate you,” I reply, deadpan. “I’m not sharing a bed with you.”
He knows I don’t mean it.
He chuckles, pulling on grey cotton shorts and grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste. “For the record,” he starts, pausing as he starts brushing his teeth, “I’d rather set my balls on fire than share a bed with you.”
“Charming. Is that how you usually get the ladies into bed?”
“Nope. It comes naturally,” he says around the toothbrush. “You of all people should know the tricks of getting into people’s beds. What was it Tylar said? You’ve had plenty of practice lately.”
“Plenty.” I flip a page and fail to hold in my anger when I look up at him. “I’m seconds from smacking you, Kade. Either get into bed or fuck off.”
“This angry side of you doesn’t work. You’re as scary as a puppy.”
I scoff.
He washes his face, turns off the bathroom light then crosses his arms at the foot of the bed. After a few seconds, I feel his gaze on me, my skin heating as I attempt to not look back. “Problem?” I ask, keeping my eyes fixed on my book.
I flip three pages instead of one – completely unfocused.
“If I get in, do you promise not to grab my cock again?”
My gaze flies to him in horror as he walks to the other side and lowers himself onto the bed beside me.
“I need to answer work emails, and the last thing I need is an unwanted hard-on like last night.”
An aggravated groan is pulled from my throat as my eyes return to the book. He can claim it was unwanted all he wants, but I felt how hard he was and had his heavy breaths on my neck. He was all over my boob, for crying out loud. Nope, fuck him. He can have my silence, if only to keep him from issuing any more insults.
I swallow when he gets comfortable beside me. My silk shirt is buttoned to my neck, but the matching shorts mean my legs are bare, and my nerves catch fire as he leans forward.
“What are you reading?”
I shut the book. “Go away and stop distracting me.”
Kade smirks. “Do I distract you a lot, Freckles?”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Too innocent for you now?”
“Okay.” I throw the duvet off. “I’m sleeping in the car.”
He captures my arm, and the electricity running through my body has me inwardly gasping.
I grit my teeth. “Stop being a dick. Really, Kade. You know this is awkward, and you being an idiot is making it worse.”