Quivering, we both pant, sweat slick on our skins as we try to put ourselves back together. His heart is racing against my back, matching my own.
“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted it to feel like that.”
I exhale deeply as I fill my starved lungs, fully satisfied yet wanting him to stay in place. “Me too.”
He lowers his head so we’re cheek to cheek, both breathing heavily. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” I manage.
When I glance to the side, his eyes are closed, his nose nudging my cheek delicately. He turns his head more, angling his mouth close to the corner of mine. I fully turn my head too, and he opens his dilated eyes and stares at me, lips parted, gaze dropping to my mouth.
He reaches up to hold the side of my face, caressing his thumb against the glistening skin – the tear from him strangling me. The soft, welcoming, loving touch confuses me.
His hooded gaze drops to my mouth again, and I want so badly to kiss him. To let him kiss me.
But it’s too much.
I look away before this gets more complicated. Kissing has always been a big thing to him – to us. He hated casual, unnecessary forms of affection. Us locking lips right now would be an in-the-moment mistake he’ll throw in my face down the line.
Besides, I’m nothing but a slut to him.
I wince as he slides out, and I feel the coldness in the night as he backs away and stuffs his cock into his pants. He fixes his hair, his chest rising and falling, then checks No Name is dead before grabbing his gun.
Kade calls someone while I right my dress – my underwear is destroyed – and panic starts to settle in. What I just did was… inhumane. Sick. Wrong. Yet, I felt alive.
He tells someone the location of the body then texts for a minute before he takes a picture of No Name.
My eyes water with rage at how unbothered he is by what he just did, and what he’s doing now. I step away, putting distance between us as I smooth my hair. Kade says nothing as he stows his phone, watching me as I back away from the dead body we just fucked in front of.
I feel dirty.
You’re dead to me.
“Was it worth it?” I ask him, motioning to the body. “Committing a crime to have half a million in your bank account.”
Kade laughs silently and tucks the firearm into his waistband. “I have a lot more than half a million in my bank account.”
“It sickens me how proud you are of yourself.”
I wipe my eyes again, annoyed at myself for getting emotional.
“You’re upset? Why?”
I dodge him trying to touch me.
“Hey. Talk to me, Freckles.”
That name triggers so many memories for me.
I could listen to your voice on the phone forever, Freckles.
I miss your annoying face. I’ll see you soon, Freckles.
Can I touch you, Freckles?
I’m not asking, Freckles. You’re going on a date with me.
Freckles. Freckles. Freckles.
“I wish I could hate you the same way you hate me,” I manage, dragging my wet gaze from him, stepping over the trail of blood. “ This person you are now, I wish you weren’t him.” I close my eyes as I take a deep breath and walk to the door, his cum already leaking out of me.
I stop. “You make me feel worthless for something that wasn’t my fault. And as fun as it’s been messing with you the past few days, you’re out of my system.”
Throwing the door open, I don’t spare him a last look. “Clean your mess up before you get caught. Have a good night, Kade.”
27
KADE
FLASHBACK 5
Freckles: Do you still have Jason’s car? Is it possible for you to pick me up later? It’ll be like two in the morning by the time I get through all my routines. It’s okay if you can’t. I can get an Uber.
Me: I can get you. 2 a.m.?
Freckles: Yeah. I have no make-up on, so don’t look at me.
Me: Do you forget I’ve seen you without make-up since we were 15? I’ll see you at 2.
She goes offline, and I grab a quick shower to try to sober myself after smoking too many joints. I’m really stoned, and I’m thinking the extra roll-up was a bad idea. Dez and Base will be in the pool house until the sun comes up, and I’m debating going back down for an hour. I had to leave after Base started speaking about my sister in Russian and Dez asked me who Freckles was after catching a glimpse at my phone screen.
Safe to say they are more than enthusiastic that I’m no longer frigid.
It’s just after one. If I go for a nap and set an alarm for half an hour, then I’ll never make it to pick her up. But if I go to see my friends, I’ll be too fucked up to drive.
Jason has let me use his car while he has Giana’s. I don’t think he’ll be too pleased to know I’ve been smoking in it or that I plan on picking up Stacey while baked as fuck.
I lie back on the bed, my hair still damp. I feel like I’m sinking into it, like the duvet is more comfortable than usual, that my pillow is a huge marshmallow.
Without meaning to, I close my eyes. And without meaning to, I fall asleep.
I sit up, my body aching from the angle I slept. I groan, rub my face, getting to my feet, crack my neck left and right and then stretch my arms above my head. I blow out a breath. When my eyes fall on the clock beside my bed, I see it’s seven in the morning, and a sudden tearing sensation rips through my chest.
“Shit!” I rush to grab clothes from my dresser, pulling socks on then one of my trainers. I hop along the floor while getting the other shoe on and snatch Jason’s keys from my unit. Then I stop, freezing all over. It’s seven, meaning I was supposed to get her five hours ago. She’s not going to be there. How far away is her house from the studio? What if she had to walk?
Two messages and one missed call.
Freckles: It’s too cold. I’m going to wait inside. Let me know when you’re here.
Freckles: Sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep. We never clarified what we were doing, so I just assumed we were… I don’t know? Not dating but not exactly casual, since we’ve been sneaking around for the last month. I won’t ask you again. It was wrong of me.
Me: Fuck, I’m sorry! I fell asleep. Did you get home okay? Don’t be sorry – you did nothing wrong. Message me when you wake up.
Tossing my phone on my bed, I think of every single way to slap myself, growing more anxious from her silence.
What if she’s still there?
Fuck. You fucking idiot, Kade.
I rush out of my room, nearly knocking Mum on her ass in the hallway.
“I was bringing these to your bathroom. Where are you going?”
“Um… I need to do something.”
She grabs my face with one hand. “Your eyes are bloodshot. Are you smoking again?”
“No,” I lie. “I just woke up.” I get to my feet. “I thought you were working today.”
“I was supposed to be. My patient, the little girl, died last night.” She gives me a tight smile. She’s exhausted. “Don’t look at me like that. Get going. ”
I nod. “Sorry. Make sure you get some sleep. You look like shit.”
Mum narrows her eyes. “Leave, before I force you to clean the pool with me.”
When I go to turn, she says, “And, Kade? I know Ewan has spoken to you about this before, but if you’re sleeping with her, please wear protection.”