When we reach Barry’s hotel, I’m still rubbing his back; he’s slouched forward on the seat with his head between his legs.
We manage to get him inside. The receptionist doesn’t ask why there’s a man standing with his head against the lobby wall, talking about flavours of chocolate. She does offer me water and lets me know there’s a cleaning service if I need it.
Trying to get Kade into the elevator is difficult. He thinks I’m putting him into a prison. He tells me he isn’t an animal that can be caged. So me and Barry carry him up the stairs, which he falls down four times. The last time he manages to grab my arm as he topples.
He laughs as I fall on top of him, telling me that not only do I look like his ex, but I’m also as clumsy as her too.
Kade has already unbuttoned his trousers and is asking me how much I paid as Barry grabs water from his fridge.
“I need to go clean up this mess. I’ll be gone for a few days. Stay here. Make sure he drinks plenty of water and rests.”
“Where are you going?”
He looks at Kade. “If I don’t sort this out, Kade will most likely end up in prison for the rest of his life. He shot a political leader in front of a lot of witnesses.”
I look at Kade as Barry leaves – he’s swaying around the room, humming “From Now On” from The Greatest Showman.
“Drink this.” I hand him the water. “And try to make yourself sick.”
He grimaces. “Sick? No thanks.”
He downs the water and tosses the bottle, then proceeds to talk to me about recycling.
Kade then lies on the bed, staring at the roof. “Can you pretend we had sex?”
I frown. “What?”
“Just… tell her we did. I don’t want to work,” he says, slurring some more .
Slowly – and messily – he starts to strip off his clothes. His top first, then he attempts to pull his trousers down, which I eventually help him with. Everything is muddy and covered in blood. Even his socks and hair.
“I probably won’t get hard.”
“Did you kill someone tonight?”
“A few someones, yeah.” He pulls a joint from behind his ear and attempts to light it with a lighter that isn’t there. “Fuck.” Both hands drop, and he groans. “I hate this.”
I go into the bathroom and soak a cloth, coming back in to find him sitting up on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, only in boxers. I rinse the cloth off after wiping his face and come back for his arms, his chest and the back of his neck.
I’m standing between his legs, scrubbing at his hair, when he captures me in his arms. My body reacts to his possessive touch – I stop wiping when his strong arms tighten and rest my hands on his shoulders.
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly as Kade presses his forehead to my midsection.
“Can I hold you and pretend you’re her?”
I tilt my head, narrowing my brows as I look down at him. “Who?”
“My ex-girlfriend.”
I toss the cloth aside and brush my fingers through his hair. “Okay,” I say softly. “Lie down.”
“Will you tell her we had sex? I won’t take money from you. I promise.”
“Tell Stacey? Pay you for… sex? ”
“Fuck no. She’d hate me even more.” He furrows his brows in confusion. “Obviously for sex. Why else would you be here?”
“Oh,” I respond, feeling ill. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Did you pay her yet?”
“No. Just…” I swallow. “Lie down.”
He flattens himself on the bed and looks at me. “You’re really pretty though.”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “Thanks.”
His eyes are closed, and his skin is hot, so I tell him to stay above the covers. I chew my lip, debating if I should stand here and see if he falls asleep without me beside him.
He’ll wake up tomorrow and tell me to fuck off.
I think.
I’m not entirely sure anymore. He’s made it clear I disgust him yet still approaches me. I’ve never been so confused in my life.
I’ll stay with him and fly home tomorrow. My friends will be worried sick.
I pull off my hoodie, but keep everything else on, and lie down beside him. His powerful arms drag me into him, and I fight a smile. This is wrong. This is so, so wrong. He has no idea that it’s me.
I take a deep breath. “Who was I to pay to have sex with you?”
“The she-devil.” Kade yawns. “She’s horrible, if you haven’t met her yet.”
“What’s her name?”
He shakes his head. “Not allowed to say.”
“Are you a male prostitute?”
“You could say that, yeah. An escort with perks…” His voice trails off .
There is silence, and I tackle the uneasiness.
“Tell me about your ex?”
I’m an idiot. A chancing, idiotic idiot.
I can sense the grin as he replies, “She has freckles everywhere. I used to trace them when she was asleep. You even wear the same perfume.”
He tightens his hold, and I link our fingers and trap our hands against my chest.
“You feel like her as well. Are you okay with me hugging you? When I get all fucked up, I think about her, and this is helping.”
I nod and wipe a tear. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
My heart is racing, but he doesn’t make it obvious if he can tell.
“She was my first kiss. First… everything. She’s my sister’s best friend. Does that make me a bad person?”
I shake my head. “No.”
He chuckles low. “She’s funny. If she was here and in a good mood, she’d say something along the lines of… Let’s dance. Horizontal. In bed. Preferably naked.”
His attempt at my voice is terrible, but it makes me laugh.
“She sounds funny,” I say. “What else?”
“I want to fuck her on my motorbike.”
My eyes ping open.
“I reckon she’d love it.”
My insides turn to liquid heat – having him nearly naked against me and saying things like that is making my heart pick up its pace even more. “I might take her out on it when we get home, if she gives me the time of day. ”
I turn on my back, and Kade lowers his head onto my chest, snaking one arm under the small of my back, the other draped over my waist – cuddling into me.
“I’m going to take her to my apartment in Stirling.” Nodding against me, he slowly adds, “Maybe she’ll stay the night.”
“You have your own place?” I always thought he stayed in student accommodation at university.
Kade laughs, and the sound makes me warm. “I’m a grown man. Of course I have my own place, silly.”
I smile – the tone of his voice has turned cute as he grows sleepier. He curls into me more, and I play with the dark strands of his hair that are sticking up.
“How do you feel now?”
He sighs, stuttering a little as he replies, “F-Fine. I wanted to hear her voice. She didn’t answer though.”
I frown.
“I have a lot of money, but it’s dirty,” he admits randomly, eyes closed. “She’ll never let me spend it on her, will she?”