I loved Aiden, and hearing him claim me as his, bypassed every instinct in my body that had pushed me to succeed on my own. It didn’t make me feel like I was worth more, but it gave me a turbo boost regardless of how stupid it was for me to take his statement out of context. It was useless to hope. Useless to love him. Care about him, sure. I’d cared about him for years. Had a massive crush on him during that time too.
But this…
It made me want to hope, and that was the last fucking thing I needed.
Now, these people who I may or may not see again in my life would know for sure we were together. I knew how things like this worked. Each person would tell another person and most people in my industry, in the profession that I wanted to work with that included potential customers in this room, they would all know Aiden Graves and I had married, and in five years, they’d know what I lost. Everyone would know we’d gotten divorced if they even remembered.
Which they probably wouldn’t. Would they?
For the price of paying off my student loans, I was going to have to live with it. I’d have to, and that knowledge made my chest give this unnatural squeeze that made my entire body ache. How could I miss something I still had?
A big, sturdy elbow nudged me. “What’s the matter?” Aiden asked in a slightly quieter voice, uselessly trying to keep the conversation between the two of us. I wasn’t fooled. Everyone around us was probably trying to listen in.
I made myself blink my depressing, unnecessary thoughts away and turned my chair enough to face him, wiping my expression off. At least that’s what I hoped. “I was just… I’m fine. I can’t believe you’re here.”
“A happy surprise?” He watched me with those dark eyes before the side of his kneecap kissed the side of mine.
Did he sound hesitant or was I imagining it? I thought about playing it off, but then again, all signs pointed at the fact that the big guy actually knew me. He would recognize if I were lying. “Duh,” I whispered. “It just got me thinking about how the next four-ish years are going to pass in no time, and how much I’ll probably miss you afterward.” I gave him a frown that was trying to be a smile. “It’s dumb. I’m so happy to see you, and I’m already getting upset thinking about not having you around.”
Why was I telling him these things? And why were my eyes tearing up all of a sudden? I blinked up at Aiden, uselessly wiping at them with the back of my hand and let out that horrible laugh when you’re crying but you want to think something is funny. “I’m so happy you’re here and I’m crying,” I cry-laughed bitterly, suddenly aware that all these people I didn’t know who were busy checking out Aiden, could probably see me getting upset.
When I raised my gaze to make sure Aiden thought I was being as crazy as I imagined I was being, I realized he wasn’t smiling. Not at all. The unimpressionable look on his face didn’t say that he thought I was being nuts, and he wasn’t going to tell me I was getting worked up for no reason. Instead, his Adam’s apple bobbed and he stared at me as if he was at a loss for words.
Which only made me feel awkward. Wiping at my eyes again, I sniffled and made myself smile at him, not earning even a fracture of one in return. I wasn’t going to worry about it. “Sorry. I don’t know why I got so worked up. My hormones must be all out of whack.” I swallowed and licked my lips, still all too aware that he was burning my face with his gaze. “I’m so happy you’re here. I really am. This was the best surprise ever. ”
His bearded cheek dimpled, and I knew he was biting down on the inside of it, his nostrils flaring in the process. A deep, deep, deep sigh slowly expelled from his lungs, and I swore, it was almost like his chest deflated. His entire body language changed in such small details I would have missed it if I didn’t know him as well as I did. But the fact was, I knew Aiden. I knew almost everything about him, and I saw the signs.
I just didn’t know what to do with them. The only thing I was aware of was that I wanted him to have an idea of how much it meant to me that he was here. With me.
In that moment, I knew this unrequited love I felt for Aiden was going to end up in heartbreak. The real problem was that my head didn’t seem to care about the consequences. I leaned forward, putting my hand on the solid bulk of the middle of his thigh, and kissed his bristly cheek, maybe not imagining the background noise of the women around me reacting to me touching and getting so close to him. “I really can’t believe you’re here.”
“You said that already,” he murmured as his eyes dropped from mine to somewhere slightly below.
“Too bad. I’m in shock.” I gave his leg a squeeze before straightening in my chair and grinning at him. “Yay,” I whispered.
His eyelids hooded low over those clear, dark orbs. “You’re going to give me diabetes.”
That had me bursting out laughing, lifting the stress off of me for a moment, earning me that tiny little curl on the corners of his mouth.
He reached up and touched a lock of the pale-pink color Diana had dyed my hair weeks ago. “I’m going to get a green tea. Do you want that sugar with a side of coffee crap you like?” he asked, already getting to his big feet.
“Yeah, but I don’t know if they’ll let you in with a drink or not.”
He gave me one of his looks. “They’ll let me in.” One hand going to my shoulder, he squeezed it and then picked up my table on one edge, moved it aside, and side-stepped through the gap he’d made. Then he put it back where it had been without moving any of my things over.
It definitely wasn’t my imagination that 90 percent of the women he walked by in line—and behind their tables—watched him and his tight, round butt make their way to the exit.
I was so screwed.
A hand moved in my peripheral vision. “You married that?” the lady next to me asked, even though her face was glued on that fabulous butt.
This huge knot formed in my chest as I watched Aiden’s broad back disappear into the crowd. I had to suppress what I was sure was going to be a sigh. “Yep.”
* * *
“I tried to get here earlier, but I couldn’t get a flight,” he explained a few hours later when we were lying on my bed in my hotel room with eight boxes of take-out scattered between us. Two dishes had some variety of tofu inside, three boxes were steamed rice, two were all sautéed veggies, and the eighth had sweet and sour chicken. The three apples, four bananas, two fruit cups, and large green tea he’d had at the convention hadn’t satisfied the big guy at all.
Dipping my chicken in extra sauce, I eyed him, still on a high from him surprising the hell out of me by showing up. It was unreal. The fact that I’d had person after person approaching my table, after he came back with drinks and snacks, hadn’t escaped me at all. To give him credit, Aiden had handled the attention as well as could be expected. He went as far as to say “thank you” and “nice to meet you” to the people who asked him for autographs once word got around he was there.
Sure, everyone who had dropped by came for him or used me as an excuse to approach the table, but by the end of the convention, all of my business cards had been taken and so had most of my bookmarks and pins. I’d been tagged in at least fifty pages online, more than one including some kind of picture of the big guy and me.