“I was on a date with a guy. Everything was going well. We went out to eat, then he invited me back to his place. It—it all happened so fast. We were in the living room, laughing about something stupid, indulging in glass after glass of wine…and then he was on top of me. He was on top of me, and I couldn’t scream, no matter how hard I tried. I tried saying no. I was frozen.” A string of words, almost all obstructed by the thickening saliva and errant tears in my mouth.
My head sloshes with the insuppressible memories, and my gut does a nosedive all the way to my toes.
“When I finally got the courage to move, I pushed him off me. He had no idea what was happening. I just freaked out. I was so embarrassed. I grabbed my things and ran like hell,” I supply, my hands shaking despite being planted safely in my lap.
This night has brought up a past trauma I’ve tried so hard to bury. Trauma that’s haunted me for three years now. It’s teleported me back to the night of my senior prom—when I was raped by a man who claimed to be my friend. Ever since then, I’ve been wary to go on dates, to trust men. And yet, I went on this date voluntarily, thinking that I could gain control over my trauma.
I was wrong.
Kit doesn’t say anything for at least two minutes.
And then he loses it.
He curses so loudly that it echoes in my ears, and he punches the steering wheel, rocking the entire car in the process. I’m surprised he doesn’t break anything. His ivory-colored fists are strained, and his arms twitch with an ungodly amount of tension. I think he’s going to lash out again, but all he does is inhale deeply.
Kit rests his hands on the steering wheel, the surface of his knuckles throbbing with a crimson hue. “What do you want to do?”
The last thing I want to do is go home. Or be by myself. But I don’t really have another option.
I want to stay with you.
“Take me home,” I finally decide, the weight of my solitude bearing down on my shoulders.
Kit’s leg bounces against the underside of the steering wheel. He’s so large that he takes up the whole space, even with his seat pushed all the way back. His head is flush with the ceiling, his elbow eating up the entirety of the console between us.
He ponders me for a moment, swishing my weak words around in his mouth, then grimacing like he hates the taste of them.
He sticks the key in the ignition. “I’m not taking you home.”
I buckle my seat belt even as uncertainty courses through my veins. “Then where are you taking me?”
“To my hotel room,” he says, looking over his shoulder as he backs out of his makeshift parking space.
With his arm right by my head, I get an intoxicating whiff of the bergamot cologne he always wears, which only lightly masks the heady musk of him. I covertly breathe him in, losing myself in his scent, the proximity, the safety of it all.
When I open my eyes, we’re barreling down an empty ribbon of road, vegetation flashing past my periphery.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I tell him, worrying at the hem of my dress.
Kit slams down hard on the brakes, nearly making me face-plant into the glove compartment. My seat belt strains against my chest, squishing my boobs, and I recoil from the momentum.
He fully twists toward me, glaring. “What are you talking about?”
“Us. Being alone. In a hotel room together.”
The truth is, the only place I’d feel comfortable right now is in that goddamn hotel room.
“Are you afraid of me?” Kit asks, pained.
“No. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me. It’s just—”
I’ve never been in a room alone with you.
Seeing that this is apparently argument-worthy, Kit pulls to the side of the road, puts the car in park, and flips his hazards on. “You’re out of school, right?”
“My finals ended a month ago,” I admit, turtling in on myself.
“I just want to get you somewhere safe, okay? If you’re worried about missing work, tell them something came up—which it did—and that you need time off to be with family.”
I’m not worried about my job as a teaching assistant. I’m worried about having to confront my very real, very terrifying feelings for Kit. The good thing about Kit living all the way on the other side of the country is that I don’t feel inclined to give in to my temptations. But right here, right now, I want to give in so badly.
The look on Kit’s distractingly chiseled face would be butterfly-inducing if it weren’t for the hard lines marring his features. “I promised your brother I’d look after you.”
I cross my arms over my chest, doing my best to look sure of myself. “I can look after myself.”
“Clearly, you can’t.”
I wince like he’d just physically burned me. Honestly, that would probably be less painful than whatever heart-squeezing sensation is erupting behind the cage of my ribs.
Kit registers what he said a second too late, regret immediately shadowing his eyes. “Fuck, Faye. I didn’t mean that.”
Tears sear the backs of my eyes, and I swallow down the vomit threatening to spray the floor of Kit’s car. “No, you did. You’re right. I need to handle this. I’m not your problem.” I unbuckle my seat belt and reach for the door handle, but the little lock above it clicks down.
Kit knocks his head back against the headrest. “I didn’t…there’s…this is all a lot to process,” he confesses. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”
All I do is nod, because now my mind is channel-surfing back to three hours ago when I thought I’d end the night with a kiss goodbye. The buzz from both the alcohol and adrenaline are starting to wear off, meaning I’ll have to consciously try to weather this torrential storm.
I don’t know what to say. I’m paralyzed again.
I suddenly feel Kit’s hand squeeze my palm, and it jolts me back to the present. The warmth of the gesture brings a comfort I haven’t known until now, not even when I’ve searched for it in other people.
“Look, Faye, when you called me…I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life. I was worried something bad had happened to you, and I was right. I need to know I’m keeping you safe, otherwise I’m going to lose my mind.” There’s a brokenness to his words that impales that failing organ in my chest.
Lose his mind? Does he really feel that way?
His fingers tighten around mine, almost painful enough for me to acknowledge it.
“If I go with you, you have to promise not to tell Hayes,” I murmur ashamedly, and I know I’m in no position to negotiate, but I refuse to burden my brother with all this drama.
“You’re seriously asking me to keep this big of a secret from your brother, who’s one of my best friends, and who I also happen to live with?” His barb, sharp and stinging, clings to my side and burrows into flesh and muscle.
He’s right: keeping a secret this catastrophic from my hotheaded brother isn’t going to end well. But the alternative is possibly seeing my brother in handcuffs as he’s being whisked away for aggravated battery.
I will get on my knees and beg this man if I have to. “Please, Kit. He never has to find out about this. He’ll kill that guy on some crazy vengeance trip.”