A knock from the hall interrupted him. He set his glass on the small table by the side chair. When he pulled open the door, he wasn’t surprised. Catherine. He opened the door wider, and she swept inside.
Alexander stood, waiting for the admonishment he knew he deserved.
But it didn’t come.
Raising his eyes, he didn’t find the anger he had expected, or the disappointment. There was no offense or rebuke. Only sadness hung between them, and it further opened his wound. He wanted her wrath, something that would take his mind from the pain. He needed it. Her sympathy would be the breaking point.
Catherine closed the gap between them, and her worry-worn eyes found his. “You’ve always known this would come.”
His throat seized. He couldn’t speak.
“You knew you couldn’t love her,” she said.
He knew. He’d always known. Yet he couldn’t not. He drew in a breath and pushed it out, choking back the loss that threatened to break him.
Catherine sighed as she reached up and brought her hand to his cheek. “My dear boy,” she said softly, “I feared this for you. For both of you. I’ve done everything in my power, but”—she ran her hand down to his chest and gave him a gentle pat—“you both have such stubborn hearts.” She smiled sadly.
He feared his words wouldn’t come without emotion, so he said nothing.
“I haven’t come to chastise you,” she said, smoothing the center trim of his doublet. “But I want to be sure you haven’t forgotten yourself. You are the lord justice of Mercia.”
Lord justice. A position he had aspired to his entire life, now a position that meant nothing when compared to losing Norah. However, his conditioned courtesies answered for him, and he felt himself nod.
Catherine gave him another pat and then stepped toward the door. As she opened it, she paused, turning back. “Alexander, when she leaves for Aleon, you won’t go with her.”
His head jerked up, and his eyes caught hers. “What?” he breathed, finally finding his voice. “She can’t travel alone.”
“You say that as though she’s traveling half the world away. She’ll be well within the safety of Mercian lands until she reaches Aleon. And she won’t be alone. She’ll have the captain and an army to escort her to the border, where King Phillip will meet her. In her absence, you’re needed in Mercia with the rest of the council. That’s your duty, Alexander.”
Duty. He had given his life to duty. And it had ripped out his heart.
With a final gaze, Catherine stepped out, closing the door behind her.
Norah woke on the side chair where she’d fallen asleep, with her eyes still puffy from tears. It was dark outside. She stood as she reached up to push her hair back from her face. She opened her chamber door slowly to find Caspian and Liaman on watch.
“Queen Norah,” Caspian greeted her.
“How long until morning?” she asked.
“Quite some time yet. Should I send for your maid?”
She shook her head. “No. Could I just get some water? And maybe something small to eat?”
“Of course.” He nodded to Liaman, who left quickly for her requests.
Norah left the door open and sat down at the vanity, looking at herself in the mirror, but not seeing. Caspian stood in the doorway, facing outward. How awkward it felt with him now. “What you saw yesterday,” she started, “what you heard—”
“I saw and heard nothing, Regal High.”
“You would be a poor captain of the guard if that were true.”
Liaman returned with some water, wine, and an assortment of food on a small plate. Caspian took it and excused him, leaving them to talk privately. He put the plate on the vanity in front of her and poured some water into a chalice. Norah eyed the wine, but she had spurred enough judgment for the moment, so she kept herself from reaching for it.
He gave her a sympathetic smile, as if reading her mind, and filled another cup with wine. “He wouldn’t want you to hurt like this,” he said softly.
Hurt was a good word. It did hurt. And Caspian knew. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she looked up at him. “What do you know of how he feels?”
His face sobered. “Forgive me,” he said quickly. “It’s not my place. I shouldn’t have spoken.”
“I don’t want decorum. I want you to answer.”
Caspian let out an uneasy breath. “I’ve known Alexander his entire life, and you’ve always been the center of it.”
She swallowed. “He hasn’t shared this with me.”
“You mean he hasn’t spoken the words that betray his duty? Because that’s what he’d be doing.” He paused. “It’s not my place, but I urge you caution. He gets closer and closer to a danger I’m not sure you understand. If the council were to know, they would remove him.”
“He’s my lord justice,” she argued. “I named him. I am queen.”
Caspian frowned. “If the council thinks Alexander stands in the way of an alliance with Aleon, even you won’t be able to save him.”
Norah’s heart beat heavy in her chest as a fear seeded itself within. What did that mean? She looked back at her chalice. “Is that why you’ve taken to guard work? Am I so obvious now it requires a captain’s attention?”
“It requires a friend’s attention,” he said. “Discreet attention.”
Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“You must take care to not show your feelings in front of anyone else,” he told her. “And trust your grandmother. She loves you both, and she works to protect you and the lord justice.”
Chapter twenty-two
Preparing to depart Mercia felt surreal. Norah had only known it as home for a short time, but it was strange to leave. She knew nothing else. Her grandmother would continue in the role of regent in Norah’s absence, with the council’s support. Perhaps it was better. Norah hadn’t exactly mastered being queen.
Packing everything had been time-consuming. It would take a week to travel southeast through Mercia to the border of Praetoria, the first kingdom of the Aleon empire, where Phillip would meet her. Weather permitting, they’d reach the imperial capital of Valour in another week. The army gathered across the bridge on the mainland, readying the horses.
In the castle, Norah said goodbye to her grandmother. “Are you sure you’ll be all right?” she asked. While Catherine would travel to attend the wedding, policies prevented them from traveling together, so her grandmother would follow separately.
Catherine clasped Norah’s hands. “Child, don’t worry about me. I’ll join you in Aleon in time for the wedding.”
The wedding. The mention of it made her stomach turn, but she forced a smile and kissed her grandmother’s cheek. She turned as Alexander entered. He paused when he saw her, then seeming to remember himself, he said, “The army is ready.”
Norah glanced back at Catherine and then followed him out into the courtyard.
Caspian held her horse for her, and she mounted as gracefully as she could manage, knowing all eyes were on her, although the only eyes that mattered were Alexander’s.
And his stare nearly broke her.