As the sun rose, Kasey stood at the window drinking her coffee carefully because her tongue was still sore from biting it so hard. How long would she be haunted by that first taste of blood and the slash of moonlight on his face? She stared toward the dock—her heartbeat galloping a wordless prayer—keeping watch while Rosemarie and Ada slept. Making sure Trey hadn’t risen from the water, bedraggled and zombied.
2004
34
From: [email protected]
Subject: [no subject]
I wanted to email you again and say I’m sorry. We’ve been over it, I know! But I wanted to say it again. I’ll call your phone soon so you can have my new cell number. I’ll understand if you don’t answer or call me back.
I love you.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [no subject]
I heard “Running” by No Doubt in my truck this morning and you love that song so much it felt like you were right there in my passenger seat. This time I was paying so much attention to what she was singing, I had to pull over.
Kase, I would’ve run with you. You didn’t have to do this alone.
Of course I will answer when you call. I love you too.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected],
[email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Kase and the City
Hi y’all. I’ve attached a few pics for you.
#1 is of my dorm room. It’s tiny, but cozy. My roommate’s name is Betty. She’s from Rhode Island and she’s fluent in Japanese. She’s also quiet, which is like The Dream. I think we’re officially friends now, which is pretty great.
#2 is a selfie of me in Central Park. It’s hella hot here but not Goldie-hot so I can walk around during the day and not want to straight-up pass out.
#3 is a selfie in front of Magnolia Bakery to prove I’m not scared of the subways anymore! I get lost sometimes but it’s okay! Takes me about twenty minutes to take the train from the financial district to the bakery. Their cupcakes are the closest I can get to Plum Bakery’s or yours, Caro! Whenever y’all get up here, we’ll go and （probably?） won’t get lost. （Although I make no promises!）
Now, it’s your turn. Send me pics, please! I promise to write back even if it takes me forever.
Sometimes the grief is waiting for me when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes it’s unrelenting in the middle of the night. Sometimes it’s not until the afternoons that I sink in it.
I know it’s taken me too long to write back this time and I’m sorry.
I don’t want to talk about how much I miss y’all because it makes me too sad.
I love you and RACK FOREVER. RF!
Xo
Kase
PS: PLEASE tell me everything about both of your birthday parties, Ada and Caro!! Rosemarie please send me pictures of the flowers in Costa Rica!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected],
Subject: Re: Kase and the City
Hello lovelies!
It’s the “sweet spot” of the rainy season down here so everything is green, green, green but we get some dry days too. Kase, I’m attaching pics of lushy green and flowers for you and a pic of me and Leo from last week when we went to Monteverde. Cloud forest!
Honestly, I guess I’ll go ahead and marry that boy someday because besides y’all, he’s the only person on earth I can spend this much non-stop time with. He’s sleeping on the floor next to me right now. Laid down in a patch of sun and fell asleep with his glasses on, like a cat （who wears glasses）！！
I’ve gotta hop off because we’re organizing a taco dinner for the church tonight…providing free childcare too. So I’m in charge of like, twenty （！） five-year-olds. Pray for me, y’all!
And yes, Ada and Caro, happy happy birthdays one week apart if we don’t talk before then! TELL ME EVERYTHING. CARO TELL ME IF BEAU KISSES YOU AT EXACTLY MIDNIGHT WHEN YOU TURN EIGHTEEN AND ADA TELL ME HOW PERFECT （AND PINK） YOUR PARTY IS BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL BE!
Kasey, more pics to prove you’re not scared of subways please! Love y’all so so so much miss you so so so much!! More soon!
RF.
Xoxo
Roses
*
Every night before bed, Kasey would think, If we’d killed Roy first, he couldn’t have killed my mom; if we’d killed Roy first, he couldn’t have killed my mom; if we’d killed Roy first, he couldn’t have killed my mom; if we’d killed Roy first, he couldn’t have killed my mom. So, she swore to herself if she were ever in a position like that again, she’d do something about it, instead of waiting. The waiting had killed her mom.
Now she had no mom, no dad, no family at all.
Sometimes she talked to her mom’s best friend, Gail, but most importantly, she had her sisters.
We’ll do anything for each other.
Even when she was too tired in the evening to respond to their emails and even when she was so tired and sad that she ignored their calls. Even when it was weeks or months.
Even then.
She’d always have her sisters.
2019
35
Caroline
“Caro, Trey’s dead,” Kasey said softly.
Caroline’s eyes were closed and although her bloodstream fizzed with pain medicine, her shoulder throbbed somewhere deep inside, somewhere she didn’t even know she could hurt.
“He’s dead. We did it. You’re free,” Kasey said.
Caroline opened her eyes to see a blurry Rosemarie sitting on her bed. Blurry Kasey was in the chair next to her, and blurry Ada was standing on the other side, holding a blurry batch of sunflowers. She remembered her grandma telling her she was going to have breakfast with Myrtle and that her girlfriends were here right before she fell asleep again. It must not have been long ago. She’d seen a glimpse of her face in the mirror, and when she cried, her grandma shushed her and said it always looks worse before it gets better. Caro knew it was morning and that it was Saturday. Yesterday was surgery day.
And Trey was dead.
Trey is dead.
Trey was dead?
“What?” Caro asked them.
“Trey’s dead,” Rosemarie said, holding her hand.
“Soon, people will start looking for him, saying he’s missing, but he’s not. He’s dead,” Ada said.
“Wh— What? What happened?”
“Goodbye Earl,” Kasey whispered.
Trey’s dead. Goodbye Earl. Trey’s dead.
Trey’s Earl. Goodbye Trey. Earl’s dead. Trey’s dead.
The sentences rearranged themselves repeatedly in Caro’s mind. Each letter was a block, stacking; the words smashed together and broke apart.
Trey’s dead. Goodbye Earl. Trey’s dead.
When it sank in as much as it could, Caro gasped.
“Y’all…y’all will have to go to prison and you did this for me and I won’t be able to live knowing that. I won’t. Me and the baby will die too,” Caroline said, sobbing.
“Caroline, we won’t! You won’t! Stop. Listen. It’ll look like an accident. That piece of shit killed my mom and made it look like an accident and we’re righting the world with this one,” Kasey said. She was crying too.