Rosemarie could completely let go in Mélanie’s world because it didn’t feel like a betrayal to Leo. Nothing sapphic felt like a betrayal to Leo and never would. Bifurcation. Paris, like Seattle, was decidedly not Goldie. Rosemarie could comfortably be exactly who she was, all the time. She and Mélanie walked hand in hand up and down the streets of Paris and along the Seine, sat outside cafés feeding each other strawberries and Chantilly cream.
*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected],
Subject: Salut!
Okay, I’m sending a pic of Mélanie FINALLY but she prefers to be behind the lens. She’s aggressively sexy and smells like vetiver and violets most of the time. Sometimes, smoke and rain. I don’t know how she’s real. I took this pic right outside the café we go to most often. （I’ve also learned to love extra-frothy cappuccinos.）
Caro, how’s it feel to be almost done with pastry school??? Do tell!! And Jay! I hope everything is good there with that cutie.
Ada, you’re taking a color class right now? Mélanie’s been teaching me about different kinds of paint. Gouache vs. tempera, etc. Don’t tell my mom that because she’s tried to teach me about paint my whole life, but I wouldn’t listen.
Kasey, I know you’re busy and I know you’re not emailing us back right now even though it’s been TOO LONG, but I’ll never take you off here because I know you’re there I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS. We love you so much. Hope you’re having so much fun when you’re not working or studying and I hope you are so excited about life that you’re never sleeping in never-sleep NYC.
TALK SOON RACK FOREVER.
Roses
*
The breakup with Mélanie was torturous and Rosemarie sank into it, letting herself really feel it. Even though it was only two months, it was the longest time she’d been in an open, real relationship with a woman, and weirdly, Rosemarie wanted to remember even the bad parts, as a guide for something she knew would happen again. She found a hope in that—that she’d get to do it again. Rosemarie was returning to the United States and Mélanie was going to Vienna to live with her sister, and they said they’d call and write. Lied and said they’d meet up again one day when they could.
Rosemarie missed Mélanie the whole flight to the United States and missed her more when she was at Leo’s door in Boston, meeting his girlfriend for the first time. They hung out as a trio for a day, and Rosemarie was glad to get Leo all to herself for two days too. She was surprised how hard it was not to think about him having sex with Annie and Annie’s rosin fingers scratching down his back. Her curves like the cello she played, her hands in his hair.
Or how hard it was not to be able to kiss him.
But they rubbed noses and shared beers on rooftops, looking out over the city. One night, she told him about Mélanie and Leo said he was sorry but he also said “good for you” and they sang together up there under the stars. Just the two of them.
*
“KASEY FRITZ, IT’S ROSES! I LOVE YOU AND I FOUND YOU!”
When Kasey poked her head out of her dorm window, her smile was so big Rosemarie couldn’t wait for her to get down there so she could hug her. The next morning Ada and Caro were in New York too, and the first thing they did was take the subway to Magnolia Bakery, only getting lost once. Then RACK spent the day wandering the city in the spring air and spent the night holding hands and singing at the Chicks concert at Madison Square Garden, together again for the first time since Kasey left Goldie.
2019
39
Ada
Ada told the cop she didn’t know anything about how Trey had ended up in the water, but she did tell him Caro had bruises on her arms and neck the night before she was admitted to the hospital and how she’d been wearing long sleeves more lately in this heat. Ada told him how upset Caroline would be after one of their rows and that whenever Trey came around, her mood would change. How she’d shrink herself. Ada mentioned that Trey hated Caro working at the bakery and wanted her to stay home all day so he could control her.
The cop was a friend of her dad’s, and Ada had made his son’s Spider-Man birthday cake last month. He was gentle in his questioning, although Ada’s tears were real. She was tired and stressed and only a few days out from her first murder, so she allowed herself to feel paper thin without struggling against it too much, assuming it was an important part of the trauma-healing process. Or at least, it sounded like something one of those mental health influencers would post in a colorful square of text on Instagram.
After hugging Silas and telling him she’d talk to him later, she saw Leo Bell sitting on the bench outside of the police station reading. She sat next to him.
“Hey. Are you here to talk to the police too?” Ada asked.
“Nah, just waiting for Ro. I think my mom is coming by later, though. She said she had something to say about the Foxberrys and Trey, specifically, but she didn’t want to say it in front of me because she’d have to use bad words,” Leo said, raising his eyebrow.
“Okay, she cracks me up. Does she know you’re thirty-three years old?” Ada said.
“Guess not.”
“Wow. I’ve never heard your mom cuss. I can’t even picture it. Seems like the world would split in two or lightning would strike the church or something. I’ve never heard your mom say an unkind word about anyone. This is beyond intense,” Ada said.
Her blood tingled. Something was happening and she could feel it the same way she could feel the sweat behind her ears sitting out in the Goldie afternoon sun. Her anxiety had certainly quelled a little upon hearing Leo’s mom was coming down unprompted to let the police know that when Trey Foxberry died, maybe it wasn’t the Good Lord who had called him home. Maybe it was the devil himself.
“Tell Roses to call me later?” Ada said to him, standing.
“Absolutely. Also remind your husband that anytime he wants a disc golf rematch, he knows where to find me,” Leo said.
“Absolutely.”
*
Ada was walking into the hospital as Beau was walking out. They stepped aside to talk.
“How’s our girl?” Ada asked.
“She’s good.”
“And your baby?”
“She’s good too,” he said, tugging at his earlobe and chuckling a bit.
“I’m so relieved for Caro. That she doesn’t have to worry about Trey. I mean, it’s truly for the best.”
“Yeah. I’m not wasting any grief on that man, and I hope she doesn’t waste too much either. When I look at her face and think about him doing that…I wish he’d come back to life so I could be the one to kill him this time. If somebody killed him,” Beau said.
“Well, I hope you didn’t tell the cops that,” Ada said, swatting his arm.
“No. Not yet, at least. They’ve got me on a list because of what happened out here the other day,” Beau said, motioning to the spot in the parking lot where he’d confronted Trey. That day seemed like a lifetime away to Ada now; Trey was alive then and now Trey was dead. “Do y’all think I killed him?” Beau asked her.