“I have not one clue what you’re talking about, Kasey Fritz, and I’m a grieving mother. How dare you—”
“I know all about grief, Paula. You’re not special.”
“Trey would’ve never gone to that farmhouse unless you lured him there. Don’t you think I know that?”
“I have not one clue what you’re talking about, Paula Foxberry,” Kasey said, turning.
Her body attempted to process the encounter as she walked. Her hands were trembling now and her blood got cold, but the Goldie afternoon sun warmed her up again as she headed toward Rosemarie’s.
55
Caroline
Beau was giving Caro a ride to Rosemarie’s house. He was driving his uncle’s old truck, and he apologized for the bumpiness.
“You sure you’re all right?” Beau asked, putting his hand on Caro’s thigh for a split second. She wanted him to keep it there for longer. She wanted to ride around in trucks with Beau Bramford for the rest of her life with his hand on her thigh, and she was so elated from the investigation into Trey’s death being closed that for a fleeting moment, she’d forgotten Rosemarie’s cancer was back.
The sun had pleasantly warmed up the inside of the truck and the windows were down. The wind blowing through Caro’s hair made her feel like a teenager again, going for rides in Ada’s pink convertible or Rosemarie’s old station wagon or Kasey’s truck. She tucked her hair behind her ear and touched her stomach, thinking about the baby, wishing it were really Beau’s so they didn’t have to pretend.
She was more than all right. Her face hurt and her shoulder hurt and the pills made her dizzy. Her vision was still a little blurry, but even in the half dark, part of her spirit was light and lifted, and she hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Even if it would only last for a few seconds, she let herself feel it glow.
“I’m all right, Beau,” she said. “And I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. Y’know, I never imagined my fairy godmother would look like a guy from Goldie, but I’m okay with it. I’m totally okay with my fairy godmother being so fucking cute.”
Beau was drinking water and he almost spit it out. They were close to Rosemarie’s, but he pulled over on a side road and turned the truck off.
“When’d you know?” he asked, scratching his head.
“Myrtle told me not long after you left for Carson City, but she made me promise not to tell. I can’t even imagine what happens to a person if they break a promise to Miss Myrtle Childress. An angel probably gets kicked out of heaven or something. I asked her yesterday if it was okay for me to finally say something to you, and she was really excited when she told me yes. She was always expecting you to come back on a white horse like some country song and whisk me off somewhere…but then, I mean, you got married and had your own life…and I had mine. But Beau, that was so much money you gave me and it made my life so much easier. And this…what you’re doing for me now. I owe you—” Caro said with her hand on her stomach.
“I’d do anything for you, Caroline. That’s been clear. You don’t owe me anything. I got some money when my grandpa died and I didn’t need it. You did,” he said.
Caro quickly looked around for a Foxberry, and when she didn’t see one, she kissed Beau for the first time in fifteen years, and it felt like everyone else in Goldie had been raptured up. His hands were in her hair and he was careful not to touch her shoulder and he was telling her how much he cared about her and she was saying it too. She imagined being with Beau for the first time. How she’d want to wait until after the baby was born. She wanted that one day. She wanted everything good with Beau so much she thought she’d never stop crying thinking about it.
56
Rosemarie
Rosemarie was in her black one-piece bathing suit when everyone got to her parents’ place. She was standing in the living room next to the conversation pit while Basie barked up at her for the treat she was holding. She handed it over and rubbed behind her ears.
“Well, now that I think about it, this is completely backward. If we’re gonna do surprise Raft Summer, we should’ve met at the Castelow lake house. Forgive me. Cancer makes my brain soupy,” Rosemarie said.
She’d gotten in a habit of letting cancer take the blame for everything. There was literally nothing in her life she couldn’t blame on it. Feeling tired? Blame the cancer. Emotional? Cancer’s fault. Couldn’t remember what she’d gone into the kitchen for? Damn cancer.
It was cancer that had her forgiving and hugging Sparrow Kim the day before when Sparrow had stopped by the house and apologized for breaking her heart in high school. It was cancer that had Rosemarie and Sparrow laughing and crying about their tangled teenage lives and how quickly it’d all gone by.
Fuck you, cancer.
“Do you feel like getting on the water? Is that…” Ada directed the last part at Esme, who was in her bathing suit too and a pair of cutoffs. She looked over her aviator sunglasses at Rosemarie, then at Ada.
“I talk to my brother about Rosemarie every day, and every day he tells me whatever she wants to do is perfectly fine. I’m convinced she’s put a spell on him,” Esme said, shaking her head.
“She puts a spell on everyone,” Leo said, stepping closer to them. He was wearing his swim trunks and a Bell Books T-shirt.
“All right. You make the rules,” Kasey said to Rosemarie.
“I’m glad you’re all here anyway, so I can feed you,” Leilani Kingston said, waving them into the kitchen, where she had a whole spread set out on the table. Thinly sliced meats and vegetables for sandwich fillings. Whole-wheat bread. Pickles and lettuce and tomatoes from their backyard garden. A wide array of condiments—the hippie stuff Rosemarie’s mom loved, like liquid aminos, SunButter, and cheese made from cashews. “Special brownies if anyone wants some,” she said, pointing to the fudge in the purple glass.
“Thank you, Mama,” Rosemarie said, immediately grabbing a piece of one and putting it in her mouth.
“We’ll eat and meet up at the lake house. Caro, come home with me; I have a bathing suit for you,” Ada said. Most of Caro’s stuff remained in that big house she shared with Trey. It was easy to see that for Ada, focusing on fixing a small problem like that made her feel so much better about the world.
Yes, Rosemarie was dying, but even in that dark, there was light and stubborn hope in their group. No one was going to be carted off to prison for Trey’s death, and Caroline’s face was glowing.
“I’m going to say something…blame it on the cancer,” Rosemarie said when she was finished chewing. Esme put her arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. Rosemarie looked at her dad in the doorway. Her brother, drinking water by the sink. The room could explode with love at any minute; the house was swollen with it. Rosemarie couldn’t conceive of better circumstances for what she was dealing with. Even under the hovering doom, she felt blessed in God’s warmth. “When I knew that this was it for me…that my cancer would kill me, I made myself one promise. To love the people I love as much as I can, no matter how much it scared me, no matter how much it would hurt, knowing what I knew. And I love you…I love all of you with every part of me. In a way that changes us…that changes who we are for the better every single day,” Rosemarie said, putting her hand on her heart. The heart that one day, possibly soon, would stop beating. All their hearts would stop beating eventually, and Rosemarie prayed to see every single one of them again on the other side.