“I think our Kasey might be full of surprises. Who knows? There’s a whole chunk of her life we know nothing about, and right now, all I see is two lovebirds yukking it up in the grass,” Rosemarie said. Caro offered her the cupcake and she took a bite. “Trey’s not coming? Figured this would be his kind of thing. Isn’t he usually Mister Popular, Never Misses a Party?”
“Pretty much, but he’s at work. Where’s Esme?” Caro asked about Rosemarie’s girlfriend of three years. “I’m sorry I forgot to ask earlier.”
Rosemarie waved her apology away with a quick flick. “She’s stuck in Seattle. Plus, this is the exact opposite of her kind of thing.”
“Well, Trey and I got in a big ol’ fight last night, so…” Caro trailed off for a moment. “Let’s just say I’m thankful for the space,” she finished. Her stomach dropped again as she thought of how angry he’d been over nothing. How hard she’d cried, still standing her ground. Part of her wanted to go upstairs and get her phone, text him back to test the waters, but she killed that impulse real quick by finishing the cupcake and letting the champagne glitter her mouth before downing the rest of it.
“A fight about what?” Rosemarie asked, going straight to the heart of the matter. The girls knew never to bring anything up to Rosemarie unless they wanted her to get right down to it. Caro loved how honest Rosemarie was and had told her that plenty of times. Rosemarie would shrug it off and say it was easy because she didn’t know any other way to be, but it inspired Caro to want to be more honest too.
“Nothing. He was just in a bad mood.”
Somewhat honest. Definitely not a lie.
“Is that why he’s not coming? Because you had a fight? Is Trey super petty? Because wow,” Rosemarie said. Caro opened her mouth to weakly defend him, but nothing came out. “Look, look!” Rosemarie said quietly, nodding toward Kasey and Silas. Silas had stepped around the bar, and Rosemarie and Caro stood there watching them hug. Silas lifted Kasey off the ground a bit, holding her way past the length of a regular hug. So romantic—Caro felt jealous of both of them. The champagne slurred through her bloodstream. When they pulled apart, Silas put his hand out and Kasey lifted hers to show him her engagement ring. Caro was grateful she and Rosemarie had something else to focus on besides Trey, and she was even more grateful for the distraction of Ada showing up next to them, asking what they were looking at.
“Your brother-in-law and our darling Kasey Jo back at it, apparently,” Rosemarie said.
“Really? Oh wow. I don’t know how to feel! Tell me how to feel!” Ada said, looking back and forth between Rosemarie and Caro for answers.
“She reminded us she was engaged,” Rosemarie said.
“Isn’t Silas seeing someone?” Caro whispered. Her champagne-tongue tripped over the s’s, which made them all laugh. Then she snorted, which made them laugh harder.
“Not anymore. Not since Christmas. I told you this,” Ada said. Caro had a vague memory of it, but it was gone as quick as it’d appeared. Every now and then Silas would bring a woman to the bakery for treats or occasionally show up with someone new when they were all hanging out together, but he seemed committed to being a chill bachelor, which made him that much more desirable to the women of Goldie keeping tabs on him.
“I love it, truth be told,” Rosemarie said. “I mean, Devon seems like a great guy, but nostalgia is a hell of a drug.”
Kasey and Silas shifted their position, and the girls were peeking through the bushes now—a good and proper covert operation.
“I just want her to be happy,” Ada said.
“So do I,” Rosemarie added.
“Me too. Devon does seem like a great guy. If Taylor Swift saw him in the park back in the day, she would’ve gone straight home to her cats and written a song about him. Seriously. Have you seen that picture? I was like, damn, girl,” Caro said.
“What picture? She didn’t show me!” Ada said.
“Ask her about it. Tell her exactly what I said,” Caro said with a bubbly ha. “And I love that Silas is wearing a pink suit. I love it when men wear pink. Trey’s too macho to go near it.”
“Yes, I do love that suit. He and Grayson went shopping for theirs together. They were real proud of themselves. Uh, where’d they go?” Ada asked, getting on her tiptoes. Rosemarie and Caro leaned over to help look. It was Caro who turned first and noticed Kasey standing right behind them.
“Okay, wow—y’all are sad. Sad!” Kasey said, smiling and shaking her head.
*
Caro—close to really drunk at this point—went upstairs alone to check her phone for texts from Trey. Again, there were three.
so youre still mad about last night
even tho i apologized even tho you
working there embarrasses me
sometimes and ive told you that
its not like im not busy too
response ?
A question mark, his lone use of punctuation. Caro sat on Ada’s old bed and wrote him back.
I know you apologized and I do
believe you’re sorry. I don’t know
how I feel right now. Mostly,
I’m sad.
The gray bubbles appeared almost immediately and Caro tried her best to focus on the glowing screen.
well im sorry youre not perfect and
neither am i
I never said I was perfect, Trey. I
said I was sad!
Caro was crying again, shuddered a deep breath in.
then ok im sorry youre sad
Even that tiny bit of sweetness was a comfort to her. They’d talk more when she got home. Caro was sure he’d be fine. She’d gotten in late the night before because of a huge festival pie order that she’d forgotten about, having been so lost in making cupcakes. Trey had to heat up dinner for himself, something he hated to do, and it took too long because Caro forgot to thaw out the leftovers. As soon as she closed the front door behind her, he made his anger known. Again, he brought up wanting her to quit working at the bakery, and again, she flat-out refused.
But. He only called her a bitch once.
And. He （half） apologized when they’d gotten in bed together.
She’d roasted a chicken early that morning before she left; she made his favorite fried potatoes and peas with Irish butter too. Thinking of the woman who could wake up that early and cook a full dinner for a man who scared her so much the night before made Caro feel detached from herself—like she’d been unsnapped from gravity and could float away.
Thank you for being sweet to me,
Trey. I NEED you to be sweet to me
sometimes. Do you understand that?
ok caroline
2004
4
Caro’s grandma Mimi was thirty-seven when Caro was born; Caro’s mom was only eighteen. People who didn’t know better thought Mimi was Caro’s mother. Caro’s mom was twenty when she realized being a mom wasn’t what she wanted to do with her life. She tried （barely） but repeatedly fell back in with the men and friends who brought out her addictive, self-destructive behavior—meth, pills, alcohol. Caro’s daddy wasn’t much better, but at least he sent checks. Sometimes.
When Caro was a baby, her grandma started a knitting group at the church and that was where RACK was born. The girls had been best friends since crawling around together on that church floor.