“Merrick never looks happy. Merrick,” I call to him. “Come and sit down.” I pat the empty spot beside me. “I saved you a cookie.”
He shakes his head in exasperation, but to my surprise, he comes over anyway. He even grabs the last full bottle of gerjgin as he passes the table before slumping down beside me.
Without saying a word, he cracks open the bottle and takes a long pull. Then another and another.
I’m guessing he’s drowning his sorrows.
Also known as me.
Chapter 25
Beckett
I smooth the material down over my hips. I think I’ve always been thin, but now I’m positively scrawny. My hip bones jut out like I haven’t eaten a proper meal in… Well, tonight’s dinner was the best fucking thing I remember ever eating.
But the jumpsuit fits well, and I suspect—though there are gaps in my memories, so I might be mistaken—it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever owned.
Though Princess Kalinda bought it for me. For me.
It’s a lot to get my head around. Maybe that’s what’s giving me a headache. Or more likely it’s whatever they did to me on the Caelestis. My thoughts are whirling, and I have to concentrate really hard or they get away from me. Sometimes it’s like pushing through fog. Though it’s cleared a little in the days since I escaped. Rain helps. So does the flying. In my cell, I longed for the freedom of space.
Fly Free.
It’s the rebel call.
I remember now.
I return to the bridge but hesitate just outside. Someone is laughing. It’s weird; I almost don’t recognize the sound. I glance inside. They’re sitting on the floor in a sort of circle, passing a bottle around, and they all look more than a little drunk. My eyes are drawn to Rain. She’s sitting cross-legged and looks amazing in the tight-fitting jumpsuit. It hugs her slender curves, while the color makes her eyes shine and her hair gleam like strands of sunlight against the dark material.
She’s smiling at something Max says to her. Next to her, her big friend is glowering. He’s clearly not too happy with the change, but then, if his job is to look out for her, then it probably just got a whole lot more difficult. She looks nothing like a priestess.
I remember the taste of her, like warm honey. The softness of her skin. The silky feel of her hair. The memories are like clearings in the fog.
She’s good. Maybe the only truly good person I’ve ever met. It shines from her.
Is that why I’m drawn to Rain? Am I hoping a little of that goodness will wear off on me?
I’ve no right to tarnish that goodness. Just because I can.
I tear my gaze from her, and it locks with another. Princess Kalinda’s. She raises a brow as she sees me hovering. Is she expecting a thank-you? Not happening. I barely even wanted to take the thing once I realized it was charity from the princess.
Hate. Hate. Hate.
The emotion pounds through my head.
I can’t forget everything she’s responsible for.
And that reminds me—I don’t belong here.
Not with these laughing, happy, whole people.
I back away and disappear into the shadows.
Where I belong.
Chapter 26
Ian
I drink straight from the bottle, enjoying the feeling as the heat slides down my throat. Not to mention the buzz in my head. It’s been a few hours since we started drinking, and though I’d never admit it out loud…I’m having fun.
Beside me, Kali holds out her hand for the bottle. I hesitate—her eyes are already glazing over—but then, it’s not my job to control her. She’s an adult; she can decide how much she drinks. Besides, she’s a cute drunk.
I hand her the bottle and let my gaze wander over her.
She looks seriously hot in that outfit. Like the dress I first saw her in, the jumpsuit accentuates her considerable charms, but it looks a hell of a lot easier to get her out of.
Not that I’m going there.
She leans in. This close, I can see the black circles around her silver irises. They’re sort of mesmerizing, like the color of starlight.
She takes a deep pull from the bottle—I’m guessing she’s going to have a hell of a headache when she wakes up. Then she waves the bottle at me, gerjgin sloshing over her fingers. “You know, the first time I saw you, I thought…” She trails off.
Seriously? That’s when she decides to remember her inhibitions?
I tell myself whatever she was going to say doesn’t matter, but I last about fifteen seconds before I prompt, “What did you think?”
“Desperate, much?” Max teases me.
“Fuck off,” I shoot back before turning my attention to Kali again.
She grins. “That you have a really nice ass.”
For better or worse, our conversation is drowned out by singing—the unrobed High Priestess of the Sisterhood of the Light is in the middle of learning a truly （and I mean truly） raunchy song from Gage, so no one else hears Kali’s statement. Or so I thought.
“I mean, she’s not wrong,” Max comments. “I’ve heard a lot of people say that to you throughout the years.”
I’m too busy trying not to laugh to answer him. Kali is so going to regret this in the morning. If she remembers. “Are you objectifying me, Princess?”
“I guess I am. Sorry.”
She doesn’t sound sorry, but hey, neither am I. I like this side of her. Then again, I’m beginning to like every side of her. And that’s a problem.
“So?” she says before taking another drink.
“So what?” I ask, mystified.
“She wants to know what you think of her. Obviously,” Max tells me.
“I want to know what you think of me. Obviously,” Kali says at the exact same time.
I don’t have to look at Max to know he’s grinning at me.
I try to remember. “I think the cloak made the biggest impression.”
Her eyes widen. “You liked it?”
“Hell, no. It made you look like a clown.”
She sighs heavily. “Apparently, I am a clown.” She stares at the bottle a moment, then places it gently on the floor. “And right now, I think perhaps this clown had better go to bed before she becomes a whole circus all by herself.”
“Very sensible decision,” I tell her, ignoring the disappointment I feel at the thought of this conversation ending.
“Sensible is my middle name.” She sounds depressed at the thought.
I have a flashback to how she looked at me after that kiss. Like she wanted more. “Oh, I don’t know. I suspect under all that etiquette training, there’s an impulsive woman trying to break out.”
She sighs again. “You might be right. In which case, it’s definitively time to go to bed.” She gets to her feet and sways, balances herself with a hand on the wall, and peers down at me. “You killed those men like it was nothing. Would you kill me as easily?”
“If you stand in my way.” But I know it’s a lie.
“Do you want her to hate you?” Max sounds exasperated.
“Yes.”
He snorts. “Liar.”
She nods. “I’ll do my best not to.” She turns and walks toward the door.
“Kali, I—” I break off, unsure of what I want to say to her. I just know I hate seeing her look so sad.