‘He left me for his fancy woman in Dublin,’ said Anubha.
‘Does he see the children much?’
‘Yes, he’s good with them, shukar hai.’
We then got into a conversation about languages. Shukar hai was the Hindi equivalent of ‘thank goodness’。
‘Did you say you were looking for a job? Mervyn Park is expanding. There’s not just the meat-processing plant there. A pharma company is opening next month. If you have basic computer skills, you could get some admin role? It probably wouldn’t pay a lot, though.’
‘It’s not about the money,’ I explained. ‘My therapist thinks it would be a good idea.’ Anubha frowned slightly. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but then she smiled at me.
A new arrival came out on to the deck with a bottle of beer in his hand. Udo said, ‘Has everyone met Mark? He’s just started in the Accountancy Department.’ There were various greetings. Mark was the man who had pulled his car over the previous day and had witnessed my argument with Caroline. He was Irish. He shook hands with most people but approached me awkwardly.
‘I’m Mark Butler. We met yesterday?’
‘You tried to get me into your car,’ I said.
‘I know,’ he said, ‘I keep thinking about how stupid that was. No wonder you thought I was a predator. I mean, I sort of … I know your story. Someone here told me. I feel like such a fool. Please accept my apology.’
I sighed. He didn’t seem threatening now.
‘May I get you another glass of wine?’
‘Yes please.’
I moved away and was approached by Sue and Kenneth. Sue was the new primary school teacher in the village and Kenneth was a Boning Hall Quality Controller in Mervyn Park and a vegetarian. I thought it was funny that a vegetarian worked in a meat plant. I asked them if we could swap recipes. I had enjoyed swapping recipes with Caroline but, now that she was no longer my friend and had banned me from the Texaco, I needed a replacement. Sue offered to lend me a whole book of recipes. We arranged to meet for coffee the following week. Kenneth was quiet. I think I spoke more than him. I’d noticed that wine made me more chatty.
I pointed out that their children were the noisiest of the mob in the garden. Sue said that living in an apartment cramped their style and she was delighted to hear them being boisterous with a garden to play in. I apologized if my comment had seemed rude. I explained that I didn’t always say the right thing because of my mental development. Sue assured me I had not made her uncomfortable.
Mark came and sat in the seat she had vacated and presented me with my third glass of wine of the day. ‘I want you to know,’ he said in a low voice, ‘I reported the Texaco manager to her Head Office. She should not be in that job if that’s her attitude. They may try to contact you to verify the incident.’
‘Thank you, I was going to do that on Monday.’
I tried to think of something to say.
‘I’m putting my house up for sale.’
‘That’s a big decision. Where are you going to go?’
‘I’m not sure yet, but it’s a bit isolated where I am and my doctor and therapist both say I should be more social and be around people, so probably into the village.’
‘You’re being social today.’ He grinned. His teeth were white and even.
I was delighted with the compliment but admitted that I found socializing a big effort. ‘I often offend people without meaning to, because I say what I think. I like your teeth.’
He looked at me strangely.
‘See? That’s an example. I should never comment on people’s appearance.’
‘But that’s not offensive. Maybe you shouldn’t comment negatively on people’s appearance.’
‘That’s not what Tina says. If, for example, I said that it was good that you were slim, it might imply that I would disapprove if you got fat. And if you then got fat, you would think less of yourself.’
He laughed. ‘Oh yes, I learned a long time ago never to congratulate anyone on a pregnancy until they’re showing me the ultrasound scan.’
I laughed voluntarily at that.
‘Is it wrong to say that you have a nice laugh?’ he said.
‘That’s my real laugh. Dad always said that when people laughed, I should laugh with them, and I do when I’m sure they’re not laughing at me, but sometimes it’s hard to tell.’
‘You’re honest.’
‘Yes, I think it’s due to my social inexperience and isolation. Though I believe it’s a good thing.’
‘So do you still think I’m a predator?’
‘I can’t be sure, can I?’
‘That’s true. I find your honesty refreshing.’
‘So where did you move to Carricksheedy from?’
‘Dublin. I’ve been looking for an excuse to move to this part of the country for over a year.’
‘Why?’
He turned away and looked towards the treehouse ‘Oh, you know, fresh air? A quiet life.’ The question seemed to discomfort him, so I tried something else.
‘Do you have any children?’
‘No, just an ex-wife, Elaine.’
‘Did you cheat on her?’
He stared at me for a moment and I think he was annoyed.
‘Yes. Yes, I did. I threw away a perfectly good marriage for a fling with a girl half my age.’
‘You’re honest too.’
‘Your … vulnerability makes me feel like I have to be honest with you.’
‘Will your wife forgive you?’
‘She’s moved on. She has a child with her new husband.’
‘And what about the girl you left her for?’
‘She left me. She wasn’t ready to settle down. End of story.’
‘You deserved that.’
‘I suppose. What about you? From what I read and heard, you’ve never had a relationship, is that right?’
‘Correct.’
‘Don’t you want one? Wouldn’t you like to fall in love?’
‘I don’t know. I’m theoretically heterosexual. But I definitely don’t want sex.’
At this point, the chatter had grown quiet. Martha grabbed Mark by the arm and led him out to the garden. Sue sat down beside me again. ‘That sounded like a personal conversation, Sally. Are you sure you want to share details like that?’
I felt deflated again. I had somehow said the wrong thing and I noticed that people were glancing in my direction. I heard Anubha saying to Fernanda, ‘What did she say?’ and Udo said to Kenneth, ‘I’m not sure about Mark.’ Kenneth nodded, looking confused. I went over to Udo.
‘I have to go now. Thank you for a lovely afternoon.’
‘Did Mark say something to upset you?’
‘Not today. I think I said something that should be private.’ There was a buzzing in my head. ‘Maybe I’ve had too much wine. Will you please explain to everyone about my deficiency and thank Martha.’ I scurried towards the hall and grabbed my jacket.
I had failed the test of attending a party. I made a mental note to raise it with Tina at our next session.
28
Peter, 1980
We were luckier on our third attempt at finding accommodation. The house was clean even though it was on a filthy street, and the landlady was chirpy and friendly and brown-skinned. She introduced herself as Mona.