I also bought her the skirt and blouse she wore yesterday. My chest fills with something like satisfaction.
Bloody hell, I’m turning into a pussy-whipped arse around her. I rub the back of my neck. The only reason she agreed to accompany me to the event, as well as accept the clothes, is because I reminded her—again—that I paid for her mother’s bill. I felt like a bastard doing it but, as they say, all's fair in love and war. If this is the only way to keep her near me, then fuck morals and ethics and all that crap I used to believe in.
I was once a regular pillar of fucking society, and look where that got me. Nope, I'm doing the right thing. Keeping her where I can track her, but also, not so close there's any danger of her misinterpreting our relationship as anything other than the boss-employee one she signed on for. In fact, for the rest of the day after our visit to Karma's shop, I didn't speak to her in the office. And today I’d managed to keep out of her way until it was time to leave for Abby and Cade’s party. A prospect I’ve been dreading all day.
Thankfully, Tiny occupied any spare mind-space I had. That and ensuring I green-lit three mergers during the course of the day. Tiny made his presence felt on all three video-meetings, after each of which, the opposing party seemed to change their opinion of me and decide to work with me rather than oppose me. Who knew? All it took was a lovable mutt to help me further my power-grab plans. That, and the fact that Penny kept pace with me admirably.
She emailed all of the information needed for each meeting before I could ask her. She kept pace with me in a way no one else on my team was able to. The woman has an uncanny instinct when it comes to anticipating my needs. Too bad I'm not going to be the one to pop her cherry. I can’t afford anything messy during this crucial time when I need to focus on consolidating my claim on the company. Which means, finding someone who’ll agree to marry me immediately. Ergo, she should have had the list of eligible women to me before we left the office. Which she hadn’t. And I was too focused on getting out of the office and taking Tiny for a walk before I met her by the car.
I'm slipping up. I need to—ask her to deliver on what she owes me… At once. I take a step forward, but the stranger grips my shoulder. "Don’t do anything you’re going to regret."
I shrug off his hand, then glare at him. "Who’re you?"
He holds up his hands. "Didn’t mean to intrude. But when I see someone committing a mistake in love, I can’t help but step in."
"Love?" I scoff.
He looks at her, then back at me. "I’m sorry, it’s more than that. You’re enamored by her. So smitten, thoughts of her consume your every waking moment."
He turns his gaze to another corner of the room. His features soften. "Her voice haunts your dreams, her smile, the way her eyes flash when she laughs, how she flicks her hair when she’s nervous, how she gestures with her hands when she’s excited. All of the images merge and swell into a patchwork of emotions that you can’t quite pull apart." He draws in a breath.
I follow his gaze to the woman he’s watching. A woman who’s laughing at something Abby ’s telling her. A gorgeous woman with a very pregnant belly who’s leaning into a tall broad-shouldered, blonde-haired man. His arm is around her and he’s watching her with rapt attention. She looks up at him, they share a smile, then he leans down and kisses her forehead.
The man next to me draws in a sharp breath. "Forget what I said. I’m the last man you should take advice from." He pivots and begins to walk away.
This time I’m the one who grabs his shoulder. "Got a smoke mate?"
He hesitates, then jerks his chin in the direction of the door leading out to the garden. I follow him out. In silence, we walk down the path and past a line of trees that block the house from view. Behind it is a clearing with a bench placed under the trees. The lawn in front slopes down toward a short wall, and beyond that, the city spreads out. He walks to the wall, and leaning against it, pulls out a crumpled packet of cigarettes, with one cigarette inside.
I look at him, and he must see the question in my eyes for he shrugs. "I’m trying to give it up." He pulls out a lighter, cups his palm around the flame, and lights the cigarette. He inhales and hands it over to me. For a few seconds, we pass the cigarette back and forth, sucking on the poison stick. The nicotine suffuses my blood stream, and my head begins to swim in that pleasant way that only happens when she’s near me. I swear, then dig my fingers into my hair and tug on it.
"That bad, huh?" he murmurs.
I twist my lips.
He stubs the cigarette on the wall, slides the butt into his pocket, then holds out his hand. "Edward."
"Knight."
We shake, then turn back to the vista of the city with the skyline in the distance.
"She the one that got away, huh?" I ask. Not that I’m interested… Okay, I am interested, but it's certainly not because I sense a kindred soul in this man.
This time, he’s the one who curls his mouth.
"I used to have people confess to me all the time. Now, I realize how difficult it is but also how cathartic it can be to talk to a faceless man."
I glance at him, then back at the view. "You a priest or something?”
He nods. "Once upon a time, but no longer. I left the church. Then lost my girl. I’ve been trying to find my faith since."
I wince.
"What did you lose?" he asks, looking forward.
"My belief. My convictions." I swallow. Somehow, it’s easier for me to speak to this man who I just met than to any of my friends or family… Other than Adam, that is.
It’s his turn to wince. "It’s fucking brutal." He curls his fingers into a fist and pushes it into the wall.
"Does it get better?" I ask slowly.
"It gets"—he pauses, then draws in a breath—"deeper, until it digs into your guts and becomes this poison that seeps into your system and corrodes your veins and eats away at your innermost emotions, until all you feel is an emptiness, a blankness, a vastness you know you’ll never be able to fill."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "Hope your sermons weren’t this deep, Father."
"It’s Edward, and truth be told, my sermons were never the most uplifting, but they always struck a chord with the congregation, or so I’m told. People came to me to hear the truth. I took pride in being able to be honest without worrying about the consequences, until it was time for me to share my own truth. I hesitated and I lost."
"I hesitated and I lost my entire team."
This time he turns to me. "Afghanistan?"
"Russia."
"You made it out of there."
Every muscle in my body coils with tension. "So I'm told. I wish I hadn’t."
"Ever ask yourself why you’re here and they're not?"
I scoff. "Every fucking day. "
"Perhaps you need to ask what would have happened if you hadn’t made it?"
"I’d be dead." And even then, I wouldn’t be at peace.
"You need closure."
"No shit."
"You need to … Embrace what you feel about her."