"Our marriage is fake, isn’t it?" The words are out before I have time to think them through.
He holds my gaze, then shakes his head. "The paperwork we signed is real. We are legally married. You are my wife—"
"But—"
"But—" He rubs the back of his neck. "But you know the arrangement between us. I married you because I needed to show my father I could settle down, so he’d hand over the reins of the company to me. And if I produce an heir within the year, then he’ll never interfere with how I run the company again."
"And that’s the only reason you married me?"
He frowns a little. "It’s also because there’s chemistry between us. I only have to look at you to get turned on. I love your figure, your ass, your tits, your sunny nature, how you light up a room when you enter it, how you soothe my employees after I’ve shaken them up."
"So, you get everything and what do I get—？"
"Money? A safe haven for your mother?"
"And what about love?"
His features grow bleak. "I’m not capable of love, or any such emotion, not after what happened to me."
"That's a copout. You don’t want to explore the possibility that you could fall in love with me."
"I do care for you, Penny." He raises his hand and I know he’s going to touch me, and if he does, I’ll hate myself for reacting to him, and oh, god, I can’t allow myself to give in to these feelings I have for him. I can’t. I shrink back, and his jaw hardens. He curls his fingers into a fist, then lowers it to his side. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Bobbie. I truly am. Please forgive me."
"There’s nothing to forgive. You did the right thing. I can only imagine how terrible it must have been for Bobbie to find out about what happened to her husband. I completely understand why you decided to play along with her assumption. I also realize you don’t trust me. It’s why you never told me about her."
"That’s not true. I do trust you. Enough to fuck you without protection."
Wow.
"You didn’t use a condom, not because you forgot, but because you purposely wanted to find a way to impregnate me. You wanted to tie me to you, thanks to some twisted sense of ownership. Since you set eyes on me, you decided I was your personal plaything. You wanted to make sure no one else could have me—"
"I—" he begins to speak but I shake my head.
"Don’t try to deny it."
"I’m not denying it."
I stare. "You’re not?"
"It’s true, you affect me." He swallows, then draws in a breath. "Since I saw you, my life has changed. By being you, you sparked off changes in me for the better. I’m not sure what it is that you do, but this much I know, when I’m with you, I’m more like the man I was before I was captured. You make me want to become someone you’d be proud of."
My heart slams into my ribcage. What’s happening? What is he saying? How do I begin to react to this? And he’s not denying that he might have purposely forgotten to wear a condom so he could try to impregnate me. A-n-d I do not find that hot. I do not. But the fact that he wanted to be with me bareback, and feel me without any barriers? That’s… Sneaky, underhanded, toxic, and still hot. Oh, god, what am I trying to say to myself here?
"You give me hope for the future. You make me feel, perhaps, not all is lost. That I could get over what happened to me and attempt to live a normal life… As long as you’re with me." He moves toward me, and this time, when he takes my hand in his, I don’t pull away. I can’t pull away. Told ya, he only has to touch me and I’m a goner.
"It’s not fair you have this effect on me." I swallow. "It’s not fair that you can persuade me to see your point of view."
He bends his knees and peers into my eyes. "Do you forgive me?"
"Only if you promise there are no more secrets between us."
59
Knight
"You made her a promise?" Adam shoots me a sideways glance. We’ve jogged our ten miles and cooled down. Now, we’re headed away from the Thames and toward the Shard and my penthouse.
"I didn’t have a choice."
"You made her a promise, knowing you had no intention of keeping it?"
"Not true." I roll my shoulders. "I intend to tell her everything."
"Just not yet."
"Exactly." I glance at him, and yep, he’s wearing a disbelieving look on his face. "What?" I scowl. "It’s true. I intend to come clean with her on everything, as soon as the time is right."
"And when’s that going to be?"
I rub the back of my neck. "Soon."
"I’ve heard that before." He comes to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Fucking hell, I don’t want to stop. I want to get away from him and his all-seeing gaze. I want to get back to her. Except—she’s no longer at the penthouse. She told me she preferred to return to the flat with Mira until she sorts things out in her head. She also asked for her old job back, and of course, I agreed. She could have asked for the moon, and I’d have plucked it from the sky and given it to her. She could have asked me to step away from the company, and I would have. A-n-d… Whoa, hold on, what was that? I stumble and manage to right myself before I hit the ground.
"Coming to your senses, eh?" Adam Arsehole smirks as he draws abreast.
"I have no idea what you’re talking about."
"Sure you do. It’s why you’ve gone pale and look like you’re going to be sick any moment."
"I’m not going to be—" My stomach churns, my guts heave, I taste the bile that boils up my throat, and I race over to the bushes that fringe the sidewalk, where I bend over and empty the contents of my stomach. After throwing up what seems to be every last remnant of food inside me, I straighten.
"Here." Adam hands over his bottle of water. I rinse out my mouth then take a sip before splashing some of it on my face.
"Better?" He takes the bottle back from me.
"The fuck is wrong with me?" I rub the back of my neck.
"Nothing’s wrong. You’re rejoining the land of the living is what, my man." He slaps my shoulder.
I shake my head. "Next, you’ll be saying it’s the fact I’m married and halfway to falling in love with her that's bringing about this change?"
"You said it." He laughs, before his expression sobers. "How do you feel?"
"The same—" I raise a shoulder. "Yet different."
"You are different, compared to the man you were when you arrived back from your stint in the enemy camp. Hell, you’re different from the man I knew before that. She’s softening you."
"I’m not sure that’s a good thing."
He scans my features. "What are you afraid of, Knight?"
I laugh. "Don’t try to analyze me, motherfucker." I turn and head toward home, and he falls in step.
"Sooner or later, you’re going to have to face your fears."