Ras lets go of my hand and steps closer, moving his palm to the small of my back. He looks down at me, his forehead lined with concern. “Peaches, I’m so sorry.”
“Rafaele told me everything tonight. I don’t think I ever want to speak to my brother again. I wish I didn’t have to speak to my father either, but that’s unavoidable, isn’t it?” A bitter laugh spills past my lips. “You know what’s funny? I blame myself for allowing this to happen. I enabled it. When I was younger, I got off on being praised for being such a good daughter. That was my value. If I wasn’t good, I had no worth. When I agreed to marry Rafaele, I could tell it made Papà happy, and some part of me sang with pleasure at having that rare light of his shine on me. I never learned how to be a fighter like Cleo or Vale. Honestly, I don’t know where they picked it up. Maybe it’s just something people are born with, and that particular quality skipped me. I’m paying for it now.
Ras takes my elbow, his grip firm. There’s some internal battle playing out inside his eyes, and after a few long seconds, he huffs a heavy breath and says, “Let me help you. I can get you out of here.”
Hope flickers for a short second until reality snuffs it out.
There’s nothing that can be done against the combined power of the Garzolos and the Messeros. The only way to back out of this marriage would be to run, but my disappearance would make the family implode, and Papà won’t allow that to happen. No matter where Ras takes me, eventually they’d find us. Papà would drag me right back to New York kicking and screaming, and I’d end up in the exact same place. Only I’d have put Ras in danger in the process. Dem and Vale too.
If I put myself first, everyone suffers.
Rafaele’s offered me honesty and respect. Maybe that’s as good as someone like me can get. It’s more than what my family has ever given me, isn’t it?
I lift my hand to Ras’s cheek. If things were different, I could see a life with this man. This beautiful, strong man who’s offering me impossible things.
“Do you remember when you asked me why I hated you?”
He nods, his beard scratching against my palm.
“I overheard you talking to Damiano when I came to Ibiza for the elopement. Do you know what I heard?”
“I can make a pretty good guess,” he says gruffly.
“I heard you urge Damiano to walk away from the deal with Papà. I remember I got so angry about that. I thought you were horrible for being so flippant about breaking your word, especially when the other party was my family. But now that I know you, I can see I was wrong. Ras, you’re one of the best men I’ve ever met.”
Raw, pained emotion flares inside his eyes. “Gemma,” he says, covering my hand with his own. “I’ll get you out of here. I promise. Say the word, and it’s done.”
I shake my head. “I’m not leaving. I can’t.”
He presses his lips to the palm of my hand. “I’ll call Damiano right now. We’ll make a plan. We’ll figure out a way.”
“Stop,” I plead. “Don’t make it harder than it already is.”
His eyes flash, and he pulls away from my touch. He’s getting frustrated with me now. “Damn it, Gemma. I’m not offering this lightly. Why won’t you even consider it? Let me do this for you.”
I take in a shaky breath. “There’s something you can do.”
“Anything. You know I’d do anything.”
“Spend tonight with me. I want you to be my first. Not Rafaele. You.”
It’s my consolation. My last attempt at doing something for myself before I become an empty shell.
When he catches on to what I’m saying, an angry kind of heat flickers behind his gaze. The air around us becomes thick, wraps around my limbs, presses on my lungs.
“So you want me to have you, and then you want me to give you away?” he growls, backing me against the floor-to-ceiling window. “You want me to break you in for him?”
My blood heats. It’s the one thing I have left to give to him. “Don’t you want to?”
He slams his palms against the glass beside my head. “I don’t want to be your first, Peaches. I want to be your last. And I don’t want your fucking virginity. I just want you.”
My heart shatters, but I keep my tears in check because I know if I let even a single one fall, this will be over.
“This is our only chance,” I whisper. “In the morning, you’ll take Cleo and me home, and we’ll never have this again.”
He exhales a long breath and slides his palm to cup the side of my neck. “Or I can take you far away. Fuck, I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out some way.”
“Enough.” I hold his gaze, making my conviction shine. “Most of my choices have been stripped away from me. If I mean anything to you, let me make my own choices tonight.”
My words manage to get through to him. I can see his resolve start to break beneath the hard layer of his anger. His hand tightens around my neck. “You haven’t thought this through.”
Oh, but I have. I thought about it plenty at the Hamptons even before tonight happened.
I’m supposed to be a virgin. It’s probably written in the contract between Papà and Rafaele. Everyone seems to think it’s what’s most valuable about me.
The wedding night. The sheets.
Warning bells should be ringing, but like the ambulance, the sound is dulled.
I want to do this for myself.
Whatever price I’ll eventually have to pay for this…I’ll pay it. By that point, Rafaele and I will already be wed.
“I have thought about it. I know it will create problems for myself.” I slide my hand up Ras’s warm, broad chest. “I don’t care.”
His hand leaves my neck, and he pushes his fingers into the hair at my nape, holding it tightly as he tips my head back. I meet his heavy gaze. It’s fractured between frustration and desire, and it makes a low buzz appear beneath my skin.
“If you want someone gentle, you picked the wrong man. I’m not in that kind of mood tonight.”
My pussy pulses at his words. “I won’t break. Treat me like you would anyone else.”
“You’re not like anyone else,” he says gruffly.
A crack appears in my heart.
“Then treat me like we’ve done this before,” I whisper. “Like you’ve already fucked me dozens of times, and you know I can handle everything you have to give.”
He blows out a breath, pressing his hips against mine and letting me feel his growing erection.
Excitement gallops down my spine.
Below us, the city is cold, but here, in the space between us, a fire crackles.
He wants this just as much as I do.
His breath tangles with mine. “You sure you can handle it?”
Nerves skitter up my arms, but the answer comes immediately. “Bring it on.”
A shiver goes through him. And then he’s pressing his lips to mine.
CHAPTER 24
GEMMA
Flutters explode inside my belly and then drop lower. The moment we make contact feels like a rip in the universe. There’s nothing soft about this kiss. Ras’s mouth grinds against mine, his tongue snaking its way inside and claiming territory.