“It came in waves, depending on her mood. She could go months without saying anything, but then we’d go shopping or out for lunch with her friends, and something would just switch on. She’d monitor everything I ate for a while afterward. Then the cycle would repeat. At some point, I just learned to monitor myself, I guess. It was easier than anxiously waiting for her to snap at me.”
Ras’s brows furrow. “I remember how she talked to you when you were in Ibiza. As soon as lunch ended, I went to the kitchen, got those rolls you wanted, and dropped them off at the guest house.”
My eyes widen. “That was you?”
He gives me a crooked smile and nudges my chin with his finger. “I wanted you to know that there was at least one person who thought she was being ridiculous.”
Warmth spills inside my chest. Back then, I’d been so wrong about him.
Ras stands up, walks over to me, and squats down by my chair. His gaze pierces right through me. “Peaches, you are in no way lacking. There isn’t a single thing I’d change about you. And anyone who’s ever told you otherwise is either an idiot or the type of person who has to put others down in order to feel better about themselves.” He lifts his knuckle to my chin. “Erase their words from your mind.”
A strange emotion comes over me, something soft and vulnerable and weepy.
He pulls me into his arms. I let my head fall against his chest, my eyes growing wet. We stay like that for a while, holding each other.
We get back to our meal, and I eat until I’m thoroughly full. He smiles at me from time to time, his eyes warm and filled with a fierce happiness that suits him so damn well.
I can’t believe I ever hated him. Maybe this is why he always pushed my buttons, because subconsciously I knew that he could see the real me. The flawed girl I worked so hard at hiding.
“Peaches, you are in no way lacking.”
I’ve always been lacking in one way or another. Always.
But for the first time, I wonder if maybe I could be just enough for him.
On the morning of our fourth day in Crete, I ask Ras to let me talk to Vale.
“You mentioned yesterday we could call her,” I remind him while we’re having coffee out on the patio.
I get why Ras hasn’t wanted me to talk to Cleo—after all, anyone of Papà’s men could be monitoring her phone—but he also doesn’t seem too enthused about me calling Vale, and I don’t understand why.
He puts his mug on the table, and something in the way his lips twist makes a bad feeling materialize inside my gut.
“What’s going on?”
He swipes a fallen leaf off the surface of the table. “There’s something I should probably tell you.”
My heart rate picks up. Did something happen to Vale? “Ras, what is it?” I ask, panic creeping into my voice.
He props his elbows on his knees and sighs. “Dem and Vale don’t know we’re here.”
I frown. How is that even possible? “What? I thought all of this was yours and Dem’s idea. Didn’t you talk to him while I was with the doctor?”
“Yeah, I did. We had a slight…difference in opinion.” He runs his hand over his beard.
“What does that mean?”
His gaze slides my way. “He ordered me to leave New York on my own.”
Oh. Oh. “Are you telling me you disobeyed Damiano’s orders to bring me here?”
“He wanted me to leave you behind,” he says by way of an answer.
My stomach hollows out. “Ras, what happens to men who disobey their don?”
He says nothing, but his eyes give it away.
This is as good as a betrayal. He’s betrayed Damiano for me. An underboss doesn’t betray a don if he wants to live.
Despair dries out my throat. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
He looks at me from under his thick brows. “The alternative was to bring you to Rafaele. I couldn’t do it, Peaches.”
I stand up. “So you threw your life away on my behalf without even telling me about it? Clearly, you knew I wouldn’t be happy about it since you delayed telling me for four days!”
His jaw hardens. “I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want you to get upset over something that’s already done. I made a decision, Gemma. I knew the consequences when I made it. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Damiano is your oldest friend. He’s your don.” I don’t understand how he could have done something like this. How he can act like any of this makes any sense.
Ras stands up too. “Let me be clear about something. After I watched your father try to beat the shit out of you, there was no way, no fucking way I was going to leave you alone in that city.”
My heart clenches.
He brings his hand to my face and swipes his knuckles over my bruised cheek. “I know what it cost me. And I’d pay that same damn price again and again if it means I can keep you safe.”
“You had no right to keep the fine print of that decision from me,” I say weakly.
“Gemma, none of it matters. Until I met you, I didn’t even realize how fucking hollow my life has been. For the past decade, I’ve lived to serve Damiano, and I did it willingly. It gave me purpose and meaning. But it’s never made me truly happy.”
“And I do?”
His gaze sparks. “You make me so fucking happy that I feel like a new man.”
He means it. His voice rings with certainty and conviction that I wish I felt.
Familiar doubts creep in.
Am I enough to fill in the holes he’s created in his life?
How could I possibly be all that for him?
“Why don’t you try to call Damiano? If you explain everything to him, he’ll listen to you.”
Ras shakes his head. “I can’t risk it. I disobeyed a direct command from a don. For the Casalesi, that’s an offense punishable by death.”
I can feel the blood drain from my face. “Ras, he’d never do that to you.”
“Maybe not, but he made it clear he didn’t want me to take you away. Until I can be sure he’s not going to try to track us down, I can’t risk it.”
“When will that be?”
“I don’t know, Gemma. I’m sorry. I feel fucking terrible that you won’t be able to talk to Vale for a while, but I promise you it won’t be forever. I just need time to figure everything out.”
My disappointment about not being able to talk to Vale seems insignificant compared to the utter tragedy I’ve made of Ras’s life.
“You can’t possibly be okay with this.”
“As long as I’m with you, I’m okay.” He gives me a reassuring smile, but it doesn’t fool me.
There’s a part of him that hurts.
He chases away the darkness by pulling me in for a kiss. My body molds to his with ease, like I was made for him.
When we’re touching each other, all the problems around us disappear. They don’t belong here between us. Not in this fantasy we’ve created.
But when we break apart, they slowly creep back in.
I wake up the next morning beside a sleeping Ras with a sense of panic lodged deep inside my gut.
Ras brought me here against Damiano’s orders.