We lie like that for a while until Gemma insists she needs to use the bathroom. I help her up and glance down at the bed. It’s a sad sight. I should at least attempt to fix it. First, I move the mattress off and then do what I can to adjust the frame. It just needs to last us the rest of the night. Tomorrow, we’re getting out of this place. I’m not having the future mother of my child sleeping in this shithole.
But where do we go?
Something tells me Gemma won’t be too attached to the idea of staying in New York. It’s a place filled with bad memories.
I want to take her back home with me to Italy.
I want to marry her under the lemon tree in my parent’s backyard at sunset and then take her to the house I bought in Casale when Dem became the don. It’s an old building that needs to be restored, but we’d make it into a home. I’ll build her that art studio.
I rake my fingers through my hair. Fuck, I’m getting ahead of myself.
When Gemma left me in Crete, I was so damn angry I couldn’t even process her reasons for doing it. But the flight to New York gave me a lot of time to cool down and reflect on things.
She says she left because she didn’t want me to sacrifice everything for her, but I wasn’t the only one making sacrifices.
She loves her sisters. And what did I do? I asked her to abandon them for me. That’s what spending years in hiding would have meant. I didn’t even try to find a way to bring them back into her life. I was just so wrapped up in being with her in Crete.
I won’t make that same mistake again.
Gemma deserves to have the people she loves in her life. And it’s my job to make that happen.
I’ll start with Vale. There’s no reason why they should be apart, especially given how tense things are between Gemma and the rest of her family at the moment. Gemma needs Vale’s support, especially now that she’s pregnant.
And I… Well, I need Dem.
He’s been by my side through a lot of difficult things, and he knows me better than anyone. The thought of becoming a father without him as my friend? It fucking hurts.
My emotions were running high when I told him I wasn’t leaving Gemma, and while I know I did what I had to, I’ve made zero effort to reconcile since.
It’s time I stop being a coward and have the conversation we need to have.
I release a breath and tip my head back, staring at the water-damaged ceiling.
I have to fix this.
I have to call my friend.
CHAPTER 37
RAS
“You sure you don’t want me to wait downstairs while you talk to Damiano?” Gemma asks. The two of us are sitting on the broken bed. She’s holding a cup of tea in her hands, still bundled up in my jacket from when we went outside. She woke up insisting she needed tea and reached for Orrin’s coat, but I pulled it out of her grip and gave her my own. The only man’s clothes she’s wearing from now on are mine.
I liked the sight of her in them so much I barely even felt the cold when we stepped outside. Ever since she came to me last night, there’s been a bonfire inside my chest keeping me warm.
I smile at her. “No, Peaches. I want you here.”
She leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”
She’s more optimistic than I am. Damiano’s always been careful about who he lets into his circle, and he doesn’t trust easily. It took us practically growing up together for him to trust me. He knows as well as I do that he saved my ass by bringing me onboard when he moved to Ibiza. He’s given me a lot over the years.
Friendship. Respect. An opportunity to make more money than I’ll ever need.
And after all of that, I refused a direct order.
In some ways, the Camorra is like the army. Disobeying your don’s order is the end of your career. You’re automatically discharged, and that’s just the start of your problems.
In most cases, you end up dead.
But Dem hasn’t tried to kill me. He hasn’t even told anyone what I did, at least as far as Gemma and I can tell.
Maybe there is still hope. Can our long friendship matter more than the rules of the game we’ve been playing our entire lives?
I give Gemma a peck and pick up my phone.
There’s no way to find out other than to face the situation head-on.
I pull up the number I’ve looked at a dozen times over the last few days, but this time, instead of just looking at it, I press call.
The phone rings.
Maybe I should have practiced what I’m about to say, but I don’t want to sound rehearsed. Fuck, I can’t remember if I’ve ever been so nervous to talk to Dem.
The stakes are high. I have to make him understand why I did what I did.
The line connects. “Ras.”
I’m not sure if I’m reading too far into it, but I think there’s a hint of relief in his voice.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
He clears his throat. “I presume Gemma is with you? She called Vale last night looking for you.”
I glance in her direction. “She’s here.”
“Good. Vale will be relieved to hear it. I heard the engagement with Rafaele is off.”
“It is. He’s marrying Cleo instead of Gemma.”
There’s a wry laugh. “Fucking unbelievable.”
I drag my hand over my lips and blow out a breath. “Look, we have a lot to talk about.”
Gemma swipes a reassuring hand over my back.
“Yeah, you could say that.” A coldness slips into Dem’s tone. “I gave you a direct order, which you disobeyed, and then you disappeared off the face of the earth with my wife’s sister. You’re lucky I’ve had time to cool down. What the fuck were you thinking, Ras?”
“Dem, I did what I had to. If I’d left her here, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. I…” I let out a long breath. “I love her. I want to be with her.”
Silence.
“If it were Vale, and you were in love with her and she was engaged to another man, someone she didn’t love, you’d do the same thing,” I add. “You fucking know you would.”
Dem huffs. “Do you remember how much shit you gave me when you thought my feelings for Vale were affecting my decisions? Now look at you.”
“I know. I didn’t get it then. I get it now.”
“You’re the only person I’ve ever trusted unconditionally,” Dem says.
He’s trying to mask it, but I hear the hurt in his tone. I look up at the ceiling. “I wish it hadn’t come down to me going against your orders, but the situation was chaotic, and I had no time to think through the alternatives.”
“Damn right you didn’t think,” he snaps. “You’re so fucking stubborn. And you don’t know how to ask for fucking help. That’s always been your problem, even back when you were a kid. If you’d come to me and explained what the fuck was going on with you and Gemma, we could have come up with a plan in a day or two.”
I shake my head. “You know that’s bullshit. You were mad when you realized I’d gotten involved with her. You told me I should have known better.”
There’s a pause. “I may have been a bit frustrated with you.”
“You kept insisting that I come back. I couldn’t leave her when she was in the state she was in.”