Alice squeezes my hand. ‘On my life.’
I believe her and my anxiety ebbs away a little. I know really that the twins will be safe with Alice. She’s the only person that truly understands. I often wonder if the real reason my sister has never wanted children of her own is because of Holly.
Just then, Aaron strides into the kitchen closely followed by Kyle who’s clutching two pink gift bags, still talking about cars and mileage and top speeds. Alice releases my hand as Kyle squeezes in on the bench seat next to her and she smiles up at him as he tenderly cups her chin and reaches for her thigh under the table. They are always touching. Even in public their fingers find each other, or they sit so close their legs are pressed together. ‘You can tell they haven’t been married long,’ Aaron had said in the taxi back to the hotel the last time we’d met up, back in March and there was a bitterness to his tone, something accusatory, and I’d instigated sex that night as a way of proving to myself, and him, that things between us haven’t gone stale. That we could still be spontaneous and sexy.
Will they still be so touchy-feely when they’ve been married for as long as Aaron and me? Probably.
Kyle catches my eye and jumps up from the table, remembering his manners. ‘Tasha. So lovely to see you again.’ He crosses the room to give me a brotherly hug. God, he smells good. Then he steps back. ‘Love your house. This is a cool part of Bristol. Really vibrant. I went to Bristol uni.’
‘I didn’t realize,’ I say in surprise. ‘So you know Bristol quite well?’
‘I do. My girlfriend at the time lived in a student house share here in Totterdown.’
I realize there is still so much I don’t know about Kyle. I’m not sure how to respond so I ask him if he wants a coffee.
‘I’d love one, thanks. Black, no sugar.’
Aaron is leaning against the doorframe, an amused expression on his face. I catch his eye and he raises one of his dark brows. ‘Right, well I’d better jump in the shower. I still haven’t finished packing.’
‘Typical man,’ quips Alice. ‘Always leaving things until the last minute.’
Aaron grins and flicks her a finger in response. She pokes out her tongue at him and then rolls her eyes at me in mock exasperation as he leaves the room. I’m still too aware of Kyle’s presence and have to force myself to turn my back on him to make his coffee. My cheeks are burning. Why do I act like I’m in the presence of a famous film star who I have a massive crush on every time I see him? I’m a thirty-four-year-old woman but I feel like I’m fourteen when he’s around. When I look back he’s returned to his seat next to Alice.
Just then Viv walks through the back door, all cheery hellos, her short, white hair windswept. She ushers Elsie and Flossie into the kitchen where they kick off their pink wellies and run over to me, burying their faces into my legs, while bashfully glancing up at Alice and Kyle.
‘Hello, my gorgeous girls,’ says Alice, getting up from the table. Kyle follows suit. They both have big grins on their faces and Kyle hands the gift bags over to his wife. Elsie, always the braver one, moves away from me first and is lured onto her aunt’s lap by the present – a floppy cloth bunny in a pretty dress – and after a few seconds Flossie does the same. Within minutes they are acting like they only saw their aunt and uncle yesterday. A dark feeling settles inside of me as I watch them, and I can’t push it away. It’s the spectre of Holly and what happened to her. It’s always in the back of my mind. Aaron knew about Holly, of course, even before we started going out. The Holly Harper case had been all over the national news at the time, and sporadically since. A few years ago, after Dad died and before I got pregnant with the twins, my mum could no longer cope with being branded tragic Jeanette Harper and moved to France.
‘Do you want me to stay a bit, duck?’ asks Viv. She’s standing by the back door, already looking surplus to requirements. I’d almost forgotten she was there. I smile at her. With my own mum so far away, Viv has been a lifesaver and I’m genuinely fond of her. She can’t do enough for the twins.
‘Thanks, Viv, I think it’s all okay but I’ve given Alice your number just in case there are any problems.’
‘Not that there will be,’ Alice says looking up and smiling, but I notice the determined set of her chin at the suggestion she might not be able to cope. Alice never fails. At anything.
As we are leaving the house two hours later, Aaron dragging the suitcases to the taxi and me trying not to cry, I notice the drawing on the pavement outside our front gate. A large asterisk in blue chalk.
I don’t think much of it, putting it down to kids or workmen. It’s not until later when I realize its significance.
If only it had occurred to me before.
Because if it had, I might have been able to save them.