My heart starts to pound. I slowly set the fork down, staring at those bruised hands and the healing scrapes from the other morning when he said Dylan was fired, most of which have reopened and are oozing blood.
“Cole?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“That’s funny, because I was just thinking that I do.”
He doesn’t reply. He only stands staring at me with his odd, unnerving calm.
“You told me you trusted me.”
“I do.”
“So tell me what this work thing was that was so important you had to leave in the middle of the night and left your hands in that condition.”
“It was a personnel issue.”
“A personnel issue. Like Dylan’s was?”
He says nothing.
“What were you out doing in the dark while I was here sleeping? Tell me.”
Still nothing. A faint whiff of cigarette smoke reaches my nose.
His strange calm has infected me, because I should be freaking out, but I’m not. The only physical reaction I have so far is an accelerated heartbeat.
“I didn’t know you were a smoker, Cole.”
“I’m not.”
“Just went out to punch some trees, did you? Box a few rounds with a buddy at the gym?”
“No.”
“So what, then?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t have you hate me. It would end me if you hated me. I can handle anything but that.”
I stare at him, so calm and handsome, so odd and enigmatic, and so obviously dangerous it permeates the air all around him, and realize that this man standing in front of me is capable of anything.
Including extreme violence.
I knew it before, but now I know it in a different way. Not only is he capable of violence, he goes out and looks for it. He walks around with it in the darkness, holding its hand. He prepares for it, evidenced by that case with its ominous smear and whatever tools of mayhem it contains.
And, if I’m not mistaken, there’s a part of him that enjoys it too.
My voice is quiet in the stillness of the kitchen. “Did you kill someone?”
He stares at me, his body still, his blue eyes glittering.
His silence speaks volumes.
I wait for the fear to come. Or the shock. Neither arrives. Which means I’m too far down this rabbit hole to find my way out.
I’m in love with him, monster or not.
Holding his gaze, I say, “I’ll never hate you. No matter what you’ve done. No matter if you keep doing it. I won’t hate you because I can’t, Cole. My heart won’t let me. So whatever happened tonight, it doesn’t change how I feel. Maybe it should, but it doesn’t, and that’s the truth.”
Finally, his odd composure breaks. He closes his eyes, clenches his jaw, and swallows. His right hand trembles, then falls still. His voice turns raspy. “You can’t mean that.”
“You know I do.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I really hate it when you’re patronizing. Let me ask you something. Final question about this, I promise.”
He opens his eyes and stares at me. His gaze burns me down to the marrow of my bones.
I point at his hand. “Did you do that to someone bad? Yes or no.”
This time, his answer is immediate. “Yes.”
“That’s what I thought. Now, are you hurt anywhere on your body other than your hands?”
When he shakes his head, I exhale in relief.
“Good. Now that we’ve got all that covered, let’s share this steak, then go back to bed. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”
When he doesn’t budge an inch, I start to lose patience. “Don’t just stand there staring at me like I’m speaking Latin. Come over here and get some food in your stomach.”
When he still doesn’t move, I stab a piece of filet and bring it over to him, holding it up near his mouth.
Brows knitted, he stares at me.
“Please don’t make me do the choo-choo train noise to get you to open your mouth. It would be humiliating for us both.”
He takes the fork from my hand, sets it aside on the countertop, and cups my face in his hands.
“This isn’t a fight you’re going to win. We can’t be together.”
“I didn’t say anything about us being together. I said eat the steak.”
When he doesn’t respond, I close my eyes and sigh. “Look. Nothing’s changed. The whole thing is impossible. I realize that. You’ll take me home in the morning, and we’ll go back to living our separate lives and pretend there’s nothing between us when we see each other at work. But for right now, just eat the fucking steak.”