My heart aches. It hurts so much, it feels as if it’s going to burst and kill me.
“Where is Kiyoko now?”
“Still in Vancouver.”
“And Axel’s here.”
“He graduated from the academy and worked for the FBI for a while, but he’s not a guy who enjoys taking orders from others. So he called me up, and we decided to work together. We formed our own night moves outfit. With my money, and his training and contacts, we can get a lot done.”
“You said he was your personal shopper.”
He chuckles. “And if he knew that, he’d kill me.”
I’m trying to piece it all together in my head, but I’m missing details. “So these night moves you do. How do you find the people who need to disappear?”
“Mostly from women’s shelters. I have contacts who report to me. I can’t help everyone who’s abused, but the women with children are a priority. They get a new identity and a new place to live.”
“So you take care of their abusers. The way you did with Dylan.”
“Most of them. Sometimes, the women don’t want their abuser dead. If she prefers, I’ll let her watch me beat him to a pulp, then make him transfer all his money and real estate holdings into accounts we’ve already set up in her name. Usually that only happens if he’s wealthy.”
“But what if he retaliates? What if he decides not to let her go and finds her?”
His voice turns dark. “I make sure he understands that isn’t an option.”
I think about everything he’s told me, trying to imagine what he’s been through and what his life’s been like.
But I can’t imagine it.
The loneliness. The heartache. The danger…
Especially the danger.
Alarmed, I sit up and look at him. “You’ll get caught.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Yes, you will,” I insist, starting to panic. “If this is a regular thing you do, there’s no way you can’t!”
“The chief of police is a close family friend.”
I stare at him blankly until I understand what he’s saying. “You mean he knows?”
He nods. “His fifteen year old daughter was killed by her boyfriend. Used to like to get rough with her. Smack her around. One night he took it too far and snapped her neck. But because he was a minor with no priors and had a very good attorney, he didn’t serve time. Got probation and community service. Didn’t matter who her daddy was, the boy still walked.”
I gape at him, horrified all over again.
Gazing into my eyes, he murmurs, “There’s no justice in this world for good people. Only evil gets what it wants.”
“That’s incredibly depressing.”
“That’s why religion was created. Without an afterlife to hope for, most of us would give up and slit our wrists.”
I sigh. “I need another glass of wine.”
He studies me, his face somber. “Do you understand now why I said I don’t have relationships? Why I don’t let people get close?”
When I nod, he says, “If we do this, Shay, if we commit to each other, you have to promise me something.”
“What is it?”
“That if you ever start to hate me, you’ll walk away. Because I already know I won’t be able to walk away from you. I already know I’m not strong enough. This thing with us, this connection…it’s everything I ever wanted, and everything I know I don’t deserve. So I’m gonna hold onto it as if my life depends on it. I’m gonna hold on even if I should let go. You’ll have to be the one to end it, if it comes to that. Promise me you will.”
Tears well in my eyes again. I’m surprised I have any left. “I promise.”
He peers at me very intently, as if to make sure I’m telling the truth. Whatever he sees satisfies him, because he nods and holds out his arms.
I lie on his chest and snuggle closer to him, as close as I can get. “So what do we do about the no-relationship policy at the company?”
“We work around it.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning we’re discreet. Very discreet. We continue on as we have been, except no more liaisons in the stairwell. We only see each other outside the office and preferably not in public.”
“So basically only at my apartment or your house.”
“I know it’s inconvenient, but if my father gets wind that we’re together, he’ll go ballistic. My brothers won’t care, except that it will make us all look bad, like we think the rules don’t apply to us. But the worst thing would be how you’d be treated by the other employees. Everyone would think you only got the job because we were sleeping together. It wouldn’t be pleasant for you.”