She said nothing in reply as I turned around to leave her porch and grab my bike. But I hoped she would take me seriously. I hoped she would tell me sooner rather than later, and I did eventually get my wish … just two weeks later, when another new, coincidental development touched both of our lives.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LETTERS: DELIVERED
Once the list of things to do in the trailer started getting shorter and more expensive, I was flying through books closer to my prison rate. Two or three books a week was my average, depending on the length of the story, and thankfully, the library was just a short walk from work.
And thankfully, I had an in with the prettiest librarian.
One day a week, my work schedule coincided with Ray’s, and on that day, we would go home together. Sometimes, if the weather was nice enough, we walked. On other days, we took her car and shoved my bike into the backseat.
I always preferred the days we walked. The air in River Canyon was different from anywhere else I’d been. It was sweeter, lighter, like cotton candy without the stomachache. I couldn’t understand how, when it wasn’t far from larger cities or highways and the traffic wasn’t much unlike other towns. But maybe all I was smelling was hope.
Or maybe it was just the pretty lady at my side.
Whatever it was, on this particular night, it had never been sweeter as we walked slowly through the town—a bundle of new books under my arm and a small bag of groceries in the other. Ray carried her purse as well as a book of her own, one I hadn’t read before—A Scarcity of Condors by Suanne Laqueur. I said that I should read it, and she said I wouldn’t like it, that it was probably too mushy and romantic for my taste. But ever since the moment I’d met her, I had been pretty certain I would like anything she did, for the simple opportunity of getting to know her—her heart and soul—just a little better.
So, we walked along, beneath a sky with more stars than I’d seen in any other town with this many lights, and I made sure to keep my steps in time with hers, never wanting to leave her side. During a lull in conversation, I decided to ask something I’d never thought to ask before, something silly. Something that I didn’t know was about to change our world forever.
“So, is Ray short for anything? Like Rachel or something?”
She didn’t respond right away, hugging her bruised wrist to her chest. Even weeks later, I couldn’t look at her with that brace without the prickle of anger edging its way beneath my skin.
“I thought it was an innocent question,” I muttered, my feelings mildly hurt as I led the way, turning off Main Street and toward our neighborhood.
“It is, but …” She huffed irritably and tipped her head back to look up at the overhead trees that were beginning to bud with new leaves. “Rain.”
I looked up, squinting at a clear, star-filled sky. “What? I don’t see any—”
“No. I mean, that’s my name. Ray is short for Rain.”
My gait slowed as, all at once, I remembered a girl with soft brown hair and a scream I could still hear to this day. The only girl—the only person—from my time before Wayward whom I had never wronged, whom I had simply saved. The girl who had kept me sane during a time I might’ve otherwise gone crazy.
“That’s weird,” I said quietly, hardly seeing the road in front of me when I could only see that face. Those big green eyes, full of fear and suspicion.
“What is?”
“I met a girl named Rain once.”
Ray hugged her book even tighter. “And I once met a guy named Soldier.”
There’s no way. There’s no possible way …
But … what if …
I swallowed at a lump in my throat, but to no avail. It wouldn’t budge, just as my heart wouldn’t slow and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. “When … when did you meet him?”
We took our time turning the corner into our shared community as my pounding heart drowned out the sound of nearby cars. We were hanging on to something life-altering, and I wished she would just say what I had a feeling she’d say, not knowing at all how I was going to react when she said it. I couldn’t even begin to plan for something like that.
“I … I knew it was you,” she finally replied quietly. “When Connie told us that a man named Soldier was moving into town, I looked you up. I thought it might be a crazy coincidence, but then I saw you at the grocery store and … the scar on your face, and … I just knew.”
She was too short to see as we walked toward our homes, but I was grinning so wide that my face fucking hurt.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, afraid the stuff I was carrying would fall—my arms were shaking so much.
“Because I was …” She sighed and shook her head. “I was scared.”
That wiped the dumb grin right off my face. “Wait. You were scared of me?”
She stopped walking and turned to face me, shaking her head adamantly. “No, no, no! Soldier, I was never afraid of you. But I was afraid that if you knew I knew you from your life back there, you wouldn’t want to know me. And Noah loves you, and I …”
I raised an inquisitive brow at the abrupt halt to her words. “You what?”
She released a sigh as her eyes lifted to meet mine. “I really, really like having you around.”
“I like being around too,” I replied softly, staring down at her and holding on to my books and grocery bag for dear, sweet life.
I felt like a kid, carrying my stuff home from school, staring down at the prettiest girl in my class. It was a moment, a pivotal one, and I knew it despite never having a real moment before in my life. And that wasn’t for a lack of experience with the opposite sex. I was far from inexperienced, far from a virgin. But my experience with girls had come with the territory of the things I used to do. They’d been with me for the status of being with me. They’d been with me for the connections, the things I could give them. Honestly, looking back, I wasn’t sure any of those girls had ever truly liked me, and it had never occurred to me how fucking sad that was—until I was in this moment. Staring at Ray—Rain—while clutching my grocery bag and books and wondering if her hair was as soft and smooth as it looked.
“I just didn’t want you to cut us off or … I don’t know … regret being here or something.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, looking toward the sky and thinking about the things she didn’t know. Embarrassing things. Things I never would’ve told her or anyone had this odd turn of events not happened.
“What’s so funny?” Ray asked, a little defensive.
“Okay. I’m going to tell you something that’s probably gonna sound weird, but hear me out.”
She furrowed her brow and nodded. “Okay …”
“So …” I cleared my throat as the bag of groceries began to slip from my arm. I hoisted it back up as I thought about some of the letters I’d never sent but kept as a scrapbook of some kind. “You know what? Hold on. Stay right here.”
I hurried past her toward my house as she nervously said, “Um, all right …”
I fumbled to hold on to the books and bag as I dug into my pocket for the keys. I had to be quick. I didn’t want too much time to pass with her wondering what crazy shit was going on after she’d just dropped a bomb on me.