Noah accepted his hand, and they shook.
“I’m okay,” he replied in the small voice he used when he was worried. Scared.
“Good,” Detective Sam said as his partner left the table to wander around the living room.
I watched him as he surveyed the space. What was he looking for? Or better yet, why the hell were they here in the first place?
Detective Sam cleared his throat and moved his hands to his waist, hooking his thumbs into his pants pockets. “I’m sorry to disturb you all,” he said, and I knew this was it.
This was the moment when he was going to announce why they were paying me a visit, and I pushed myself toward a heavier air of nonchalance as I reached for the pepper shaker.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t make enough for you guys to have some,” I said, shoveling a forkful of scrambled eggs into my mouth, only stopping to add, “But I can’t say I was expecting you, so …”
Detective Sam stood there over the table, no less of a black cloud in the moment than Seth and his friend Levi, while Detective Miller over there made himself comfortable. Sitting on the couch, petting my damn cat.
The little traitor nudged into the detective's palm, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
“No, it's … it's fine,” Detective Sam said, gesturing for us to continue eating.
“Cool.” I swallowed my eggs and lifted a slice of buttered toast to my lips, wishing my fucking hands would stop shaking. “So, what'd you guys wanna chat about?”
Ray's wide eyes darted toward mine. “Um, should we …”
She was already starting to rise from the table when I lifted my hand, stopping her.
“No, it's okay. Finish eating. Whatever they have to say, they can say it with you guys here.” I glanced toward Detective Sam. “Right?”
He was hesitant to nod, but still, he did. “Well, um …” He cleared his throat, pulling a pad of paper and pen from the breast pocket of his button-down shirt. “Soldier, can you tell us when the last time you saw Diane Mason was?”
The toast was already being lowered back to my plate when it slipped from my fingers altogether as the sound of my mother's manic voice mails echoed through my brain.
“Diane Mason?” I parroted as Detective Miller rose from the couch to wander over to the table.
“Yeah. You do know her, right?” he asked, narrowing his eyes with a sneer of his lips. “She is your mother, correct?”
Ah, so this guy likes playing the bad cop. Got it.
“Yeah, but …” My elbow dropped to the table as my palm cradled my forehead. “I … no, I, uh … I haven't seen her in a little over a month.”
“She called this morning though,” Ray added for me, holding her own with more strength in her tone than I thought I could muster in my pinkie at the moment.
Detective Sam's head nodded gently as he began to scribble on his pad. “Around what time?”
“Um …” Ray grabbed my phone from the table and punched in the passcode before navigating toward the call logs. “She called three times at three seventeen, three forty-two, and four twenty-one.”
“And, Soldier, where were you?” Detective Miller’s voice was full of accusations.
My eyes met his as I dropped my hand to the table with a heavy thunk, rattling the silverware. Noah's bewildered eyes shot toward me while mine stared ahead at the detective, who was waiting for my response.
“I was here,” I said. He raised a single brow and stared for one second too long, and I scoffed, shaking my head incredulously. “Seriously, man? Do you really think she'd be calling me if I was with her?”
“Hey.” Detective Sam’s voice drew my eyes away from his partner’s. His smile was apologetic, and I appreciated it. “We’re just doing our job, Soldier. You know that.”
Ray laid her hand over mine as I pulled my lips between my teeth and blew out a heavy breath, calming the rapid beat of my heart and the tremors in my limbs.
Then, after I mustered enough calm to speak civilly, I said, “I was sleeping in my bed. I woke up because I'd heard something, didn't register what it was, and went back to sleep. It wasn't until I woke up again that I realized she had called.”
More scribbles of pen against paper, more nods.
“Are you ever going to tell me what this is about?” I demanded as Detective Sam continued to write.
Detective Miller went to the plate then, almost like he'd been waiting for this moment since they'd arrived.
A surprising look of sympathy fell over his face, then, “Your mother's body was found this morning.”
What?
No.
No, no, no.
“Oh my God,” Ray uttered, holding her hand over her mouth, as Noah eyes volleyed quickly between me and her, not knowing what to say or do.
Ray went to wrap the hand lying over mine around my fingers, but I pulled away as I pushed my chair back and rose quickly to my feet. Rushing to the sink, gripping the lip of the countertop, I ground my teeth together. Clamping my jaw shut. Shaking my head and wondering if I had heard him correctly.
“Noah,” Ray whispered from behind me, “come on.”
“But, Mom—”
“No, baby, let's go.”
She came to stand beside me, laying her hand gently against my back. I didn't look at her. Couldn't move my eyes from the spot I stared at.
But still, she said, “I'm going to the library, and I'm taking Noah with me.”
I nodded.
“If you need me, I will leave work, okay? Just call, and I'll be here.”
I nodded again.
She pressed her lips to my back and whispered, “I'm so sorry.”
Then, she bid the detectives farewell and left the house with her son trailing reluctantly behind her.
When the door closed behind them and I knew we were alone, I asked, “How?”
“We believe it was an overdose,” Detective Sam replied, his voice rough. “I'm sorry, Soldier.”
I ignored his sympathies, tamped down my emotions, and spun from the sink to cross my arms over my chest. “Where did you find her?”
He hesitated. His eyes fell to the pad of paper, and his throat moved with his slow, hard swallow. “That's not—”
“Where?”
Detective Miller straightened his back and eyed me with curiosity as he answered, “Just outside the high school.”
I lifted my chin slowly, standing tall, as a whole new sense of awareness and terror steamrolled over where I stood. Detective Sam met my glare with the same understanding, one Detective Miller seemed oblivious to. Memories of a night that still haunted my nightmares rushed back. That patch of cold dirt on the side of the road, just in front of the high school I’d dropped out of. Billy’s lifeless body. The tears on my face, drying fast in the cold night air, and Levi’s grin as an officer drove me away.
I would bet anything that my mother’s body had been found on that very same patch of dirt.
I would bet anything that she had been put there.
“It wasn’t an accident,” I stated bluntly.
Detective Sam shook his head, following my train of thought. “No. I don’t believe it was.”
Detective Miller cocked his head, eyeing me coolly, and I bet he thought he was real hot shit with that badge hanging from his belt.