I wouldn’t be able to do what I did before.
Because no amount of death and destruction could soothe the loss of her.
“Okay,” Cassandra says quietly.
“Okay?” I ask.
She bites her lip but nods. “I want you to be able to find me.”
I exhale in relief and reach for her, running my hands up and down her thighs, feeling her warmth. The proof she’s alive and with me.
Cassandra blinks at me with her big, beautiful eyes. “I don’t know how you found me in Mexico, but if you hadn’t—”
“You were never out of my sight,” I tell her, not letting her finish that sentence. Because I was there, and we never have to think about what could have happened. Not ever.
“I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”
I grab her hand and pull it to my mouth, kissing the back of it. “You don’t ever have to thank me.”
She swallows, then looks back down at the case. “Will it hurt?”
I kiss her hand again, then reach over and flip the lid closed.
She doesn’t need to see the needle. The gauge is large, in order to fit the slender pill-shaped tracker, and I hate the answer I have to give her. “A little. But I’ll use the small syringe to numb the area first. That will be the worst part.”
She nods again and puffs out her cheeks as she blows out a breath.
I was worried she’d say no. Most reasonable people would. And I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that. But my girl has proven herself to be not so reasonable. And I’m grateful for it. Because I actually do know how I would have handled it. I would have badgered her until she let me. There is no other option.
I place my hands on her thighs, needing the feel of her skin under my palms. “There’s a couple of places I can implant it. Usually, it goes in the back of the neck, the inner arm, or the upper thigh. It might be a bit sore afterward, but only for a day or so.”
Cassandra lifts her right hand and touches the inside of her left bicep. “This is where the doctor put my birth control implant. Can you do it there? I remember it not hurting too much after.”
I nod and lift my hand to brush over the skin where she’s touching. I can feel the tiny piece of plastic under her skin, and it makes me wish I could put the tracker right under the surface, where I could see it any time I looked at her. “It will need to be deep enough that no one can easily feel it.” I brush my thumb over the spot again. “And I’ll need the tracker to be far enough away from this spot so your doctor”—who better be female—“won’t notice it when she’s replacing this one.” I don’t know how often that is, but I know it’ll need to be changed out eventually.
She sets her hand over mine, where it’s still gently holding her upper arm. “It’s good for another year and a half, but…” Cassandra bites her lip. “What if…”
My chest starts to tighten. “What if what, Butterfly?”
“What if I didn’t get it replaced?” she whispers.
That tightness squeezes even more. “What would you do instead?”
Her chest rises and falls. “Have your baby.”
The binds around my heart snap, and the clenching muscle expands painfully.
Have my baby.
I reach for her face.
“You would do that?” My voice is choked.
She nods her head jerkily. “I want to.”
My throat burns, and that spot between my eyes aches with pressure. “Wh-why?”
She reaches up and holds my face the same way I’m holding hers. The same way she did downstairs to calm me.
“Because I never realized how much I wanted to make a family until I met you,” she whispers. “Because I love you, Hans. And because I’m pretty sure you love me too.” She changes my life.
Because I love you.
Heat streams from my eyes. And I try to tell her that I do. That I love her with all my being. But only a strangled sound comes out before I crush my mouth to hers.
This woman.
This strong as hell Butterfly.
She is the reason I fought for so long.
She is the reason I didn’t give up.
The reason I didn’t lie down and die next to the rest of my family.
She has given me life.
Cassandra pulls me closer, tugging at my shoulders and my sides. Her fingertips dig into my bare skin, promising me this is real. That she’s really real.
I roll us so she’s on her back.
She wraps her legs around my waist and presses her heels into my lower back.