Kiss me, Josiah.
His eyes lowered to my mouth. My pulse raced and excitement swirled in my stomach. Taking the chance, I stepped closer and put my hand on his chest. I let my eyelids close halfway and parted my lips, ready for whatever he wanted to give me.
He cleared his throat and stepped past me. “I gotta go.”
I sucked in a quick breath, shock turning my tingly excitement into a roil of nausea. He shut the door behind him, and just like that, he was gone.
For a long moment, I couldn’t move. I stood rooted to the spot, as cold as an ice sculpture, my mouth hanging open.
I hadn’t faced such a clear and harsh rejection in a long time.
If ever.
Feeling like I’d just been punched, I put a hand to my stomach. “Ouch. That was brutal.”
Max wagged his tail. He had no idea what had just happened.
My shoulders slumped. He probably needed to go outside. I decided to take him out back. I didn’t want to risk seeing Josiah, even just in his truck on his way out. I was too humiliated.
So much for my crush. That had been misplaced. Badly.
Wallowing in my misery, I took Max outside to go potty, then came in and dug through the kitchen for something unhealthy. Fortunately, I had a container of triple chocolate ice cream in the freezer. I needed to remember to always keep triple chocolate ice cream on hand. One never knew when they’d need to binge on fat and sugar after a depressing rejection.
Those always seemed to come out of nowhere.
CHAPTER 17
Josiah
I slammed the door of my truck, shoved in the key, and started the engine. Music blasted through the speakers and I had to fumble for a few seconds to turn the stupid thing off. Before I could second guess myself, I backed out of the driveway and took off.
My hands gripped the steering wheel and my jaw was tight. I was so pissed at myself and the worst part was, I wasn’t sure why.
Was I mad because I’d almost kissed her when I knew I shouldn’t? Or because I’d almost kissed her and I should have?
Probably both.
Fuck.
The look of shock on her face when I’d mumbled that I had to go was burned into my memory. I’d only seen it for a second before I’d walked out the door, but that had been enough. I’d hurt her feelings. And I felt like shit about it.
But she didn’t understand. She was too nice. Nice girls didn’t belong with assholes like me. She was blue sky and sunshine, plucky optimism and happiness. I was a stoic cloud of pessimism and surliness. It would never work.
I drove home and went inside. The weather had been warm and the house was stuffy, so I threw open some windows. The daylight and fresh air mocked me, highlighting the fact that my house was dusty and unfinished. The lack of baseboards and trim had never bothered me before. Why the hell did I care now?
Maybe I needed a dog.
No, a dog would be a hassle. I didn’t want to be responsible for something, or someone, else. I liked being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Keep my own schedule. I didn’t want to answer to anyone, even just a dog who needed to go outside.
I’d stayed single for a reason.
Which meant I’d done the right thing by not kissing Audrey.
That was it. I could stop thinking about her.
I spent the next hour grilling a steak, eating dinner, drinking a beer, and relentlessly pushing all thoughts of Audrey out of my mind. I ate on the couch in front of the TV because I could. I stuck my feet on the coffee table because I could. I left the dirty dishes in the sink because I could. There was no one around to complain. No one around to tell me how to do things.
Just the way I liked it.
No dogs, no women, no hassles. I’d lived this way for a long time and I was going to keep living this way. No matter how tempting Audrey was.
She wasn’t going to stay anyway. She’d said so. Tilikum was temporary.
I didn’t want to admit—couldn’t admit—how much of a problem that was for me. Because if I thought too hard about why that bothered me, I’d have to face things I didn’t want to think about. Memories that ate at me from the deep recesses of my mind.
I got up and paced around the house. Maybe I’d run to the hardware store and get started on the baseboards. It was about time I finished this place. I could work on it in the evenings. That was what I’d always meant to do anyway.
But Tilikum Hardware closed early. I didn’t have time.
I plopped back on the couch, trying to resist the restlessness that seemed to have overtaken me. I turned on the TV again, but that didn’t hold my interest either.
Finally, I gave up. I needed to get out of the house. I put my shoes back on, grabbed my keys, and headed to the Timberbeast. I’d get a drink and hopefully shake this off.