Could I fathom staying in Tilikum for good? Was I crazy for worrying about it? Just because Josiah and I had taken things to the next level didn’t mean it was going to work out in the long run. I’d been swept up in the beginning stages of a relationship before. The newness, the excitement, the constant butterflies. None of those things meant we’d go the distance.
I’d been disappointed before. As much as I didn’t want to experience that again—didn’t want to jump into something that didn’t have forever potential—I couldn’t put that kind of pressure on Josiah.
So, Josiah, do you think the amazing sex means you might want to marry me at some point?
Yeah, no.
I took another sip of coffee and kept scrolling. Although Max had woken me up early, I’d managed to get up without waking Josiah. He hadn’t emerged yet and Max had gone right back to sleep on his doggie bed after going outside. Silly dog.
Thinking about jobs and the future and Tilikum and Josiah, I had to ponder the big question. What did I want?
Did I want to go the distance with Josiah? If he told me he thought we had a future together, what would I do? How would I feel about that? Could I be satisfied with a life here?
Big questions and I didn’t know the answers. I really liked Josiah. Maybe too much, considering things between us had only heated up recently. I loved being with him, sleeping next to him—and with him. He made me feel safe and protected.
But his whole life was here. His business was literally rooted to the ground of Tilikum. I very much doubted he’d relocate if I got a job somewhere else. And I didn’t blame him. This was where he belonged. I couldn’t ask him to do that.
As for me? I didn’t know where I belonged. Maybe I never had.
I heard the bedroom door open and my heart did a little flip. Just the anticipation of seeing him gave me a rush of endorphins. As if I hadn’t been tangled in the sheets with him all night.
He walked into the kitchen in nothing but pajama pants, with messy hair and still blinking away sleep. He was so sexy, with that hairy chest and lumberjack beard, I wanted to eat him.
“Morning.” His sleepy voice was ridiculously sexy. So rough and growly. He leaned over and kissed my head.
“Morning.” I closed my laptop and resisted the urge to jump up and climb him like a tree. “There’s coffee if you want some.”
“Thanks.”
Max came over to get his obligatory morning pets. Josiah gave him a few scratches. That seemed to satisfy Max and he went back to his spot.
I took him in as he poured his coffee. The hard lines of his body. The muscle built on hard work. His rough hands that could be both possessive and surprisingly gentle. He was a marvel. So sturdy and stoic, yet with a softness on the inside that he rarely let anyone see.
He sat down across from me and took a sip. “Why are you always up so early?”
“Max.” I nodded my head toward my derpy dog. “He doesn’t understand weekends.”
Cupping his mug in his hands, he nodded.
“Are you working on the house today?”
“I probably should. And I need to run up to my parents’ place at some point.” He took another drink. “Wanna come?”
He said that so casually, like it was totally not a big deal that he’d just invited me to his parents’ house. I’d met them, of course, but going to their house seemed like a thing.
Although maybe it wasn’t a thing. Maybe he was just being practical and it didn’t say anything about our relationship.
“Sure, I’d love to.”
He didn’t say anything else. Just nodded.
A man of few words. It was refreshing.
I decided to take Max for a hike while Josiah worked on the remodel. He protested, telling me he didn’t want me to go alone. He had a point, so I promised to stay close to home and not go where my cell signal would drop. Based on his expression, he still wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t argue.
Max and I set out and did a couple of laps around the neighborhood. Then I took him out back and we climbed the hill behind the house. I let his leash out so he could sniff around the trees and the steep slope gave me a good workout. When we got to the top, I stopped and checked my phone. I had a signal, but just barely, so we made our way back down.
Josiah was still working next door when we got home. I gave Max a bully stick to chew and hopped in the shower. I took the time to wash my hair—too many dry shampoo days in a row probably wasn’t a great idea—and exfoliate with sugar scrub. I got out feeling fresh and clean.