Every night that I got to sleep beside them was perfect.
I only wished they weren’t also experiencing the agony. I wished I could take the pain away from them. I’d bear anything for them. They owned my heart and soul.
Chapter 50
Aran
DISAPPEARING MEN
Pantaphobia （noun）： total absence of fear.
DAY 31, HOUR 10
I woke up alone on a mattress pad in the middle of the floor, with a pile of ice-covered blankets covering me. The pillows were coated in frost.
Snow slammed violently against the dark window. If it weren’t for the clock, I would have thought it was night.
For the first time in years, I felt well rested.
Mentally, I was doing better. Physically, I was struggling.
My shoulder muscles ached from fighting for hours, and my fingers were sore from gripping a sword hilt.
I hobbled off the mattress with my pipe between my lips.
The arches of my feet cramped as I walked, since I’d sprinted in heavy combat boots for hours.
I cracked my neck loudly and looked down. I was wearing male sweatpants that I didn’t remember putting on.
Horse cawed as he settled onto my shoulder, and his long feathers hung almost to the floor. I stroked his elegant neck. He preened and smoke wisped off him.
Sightlessly, I stared at the wall and smoked, enjoying the stillness of the quiet morning.
Horse tucked his long neck into his chest and slept.
Smoke warmed my frozen lungs.
A drawer shut, and I jumped at the loud noise.
Turning around, I took in the room and frowned. Orion and the demons were getting dressed.
My stomach churned.
It was eerily quiet because there were only four of us in the room.
John, Luka, Malum, and Scorpius were all missing.
Again.
My gut told me they weren’t at breakfast.
Whatever, I wasn’t going to let their absence ruin my newfound feeling of peace. I felt like I could take on the world.
I could do anything.
Bundled in my clothes, I walked out of the barracks into the blizzard. Head down, I pushed forward through the storm to get to breakfast. During our first week at the camp, the snowfall had been mild, and the days had been mostly full of sunshine. We hadn’t had a pleasant day since.
I traveled further down the path.
Enchanted jewelry warmed and pulsed faster against my skin.
Then it hit me.
I went still as I looked around.
Nothing.
No pain.
The bond sickness with the kings was gone.
“Holy sun god,” I whispered with awe at the richly colored forest.
All the pieces clicked together.
The strange dream I’d had about the Necklace of Death; the new vibrant colors; the lack of emptiness in my chest; the enchanted pulsing jewelry.
I stared down at my diamond covered wrist in astonishment.
My new soul bond with the twins must have broken my toxic connection with the kings.
I was free.
I tipped my head back and laughed with abandon.
It was a miracle.
Immediately, my euphoria abated as I remembered how the bond was hurting the twins. There was still something wrong with my soul.
I rubbed at my aching sternum and breathed deeply. I tried to calm my racing thoughts.
You’ll figure it all out.
“What are you doing?” Orion yelled over the wind as he sprinted toward me. “Why didn’t you wait for me?”
I composed myself.
“Breakfast,” I answered casually.
A hand on my arm stopped my forward progress through the snow.
“I can’t tell you where they went,” Orion said like he could read my mind. Snowflakes gathered on his dark eyelashes, the white contrasting with his golden skin. “But don’t worry, everything is going to work out. I promise.”
I sighed.
Staring into his eager eyes, I realized I couldn’t tell him about the fixed bond sickness.
He’d be devastated and convinced that I’d chosen the twins over him and the kings.
I didn’t want him to suffer.
I didn’t want any of them to suffer.
Not anymore.
“Let’s go eat.” I held out my hand.
Instead of taking my hand, Orion draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me flush against him. I melted into his embrace.
The silence between us was peaceful.
He led me into the cafeteria, pulled my chair out at the table where Jinx was sitting, then went and got food for both of us.
At the beginning of the war, each of the tables had been full of soldiers eating and talking boisterously.
Less than half the tables had people seated at them.
Everyone spoke in hushed murmurs.
I started to count the number of people present but stopped because it was nauseating.