After a long pause, I finally settled on, “How are you feeling?”
Arabella burst out in laughter.
Annoyingly long minutes passed where she cackled to herself like a maniac. Finally, she gasped and said, “I’ve been better. How about you?”
She laughed harder, clearly mocking my attempts at pleasantries.
She was begging to be punished.
I harrumphed and said, “I was trying to be nice. You don’t need to be fucking rude about it.” I grimaced as I realized what I was doing.
Forcing my muscles to relax, I tried to look apologetic and nonthreatening.
“What is wrong with your face?” she asked. “Your expression is weird.”
I clenched my jaw as water poured over me, overstimulating my arousal-heightened nerves.
That was it.
I was done with the games.
“Really, can’t you fucking see I’m trying to be a nice guy for you?” I snapped as I glared at her. “Since that’s all you seem to want in a man, I’d think you’d be a little more appreciative of my efforts—sun god, could you be any more difficult?”
Arabella scoffed, then replied with venom, “I never told you to be a nice guy. News flash, I already know you’re not nice, so don’t pretend to be something you’re not. It’s pathetic and frankly, creepy.”
I ground my teeth together. “You’re the pathetic one who has us sitting here fully clothed in the shower like idiots.”
“Well, you’re the pathetic one who listened to me.”
“Well, you’re the pathetic one for making me so obsessed with you.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Why are you so difficult?” I shook my head in exasperation. “Why do you have to make everything so fucking hard? Can’t you just be all weak and simpering or whatever a woman is supposed to be like?”
“You sexist piece of shit,” she said through gritted teeth. “Why can’t you be all gallant and chivalrous like a man is supposed to be?”
“Gallantry is for foolish men.” I laughed cruelly at the idea of simpering about.
She laughed back louder. “And weakness is for foolish women.”
I opened my mouth to argue but snapped it closed because she had a point. Neither of us fit into any gender stereotypes.
“So where does that leave us?” I asked slowly as I trailed my fingers across the cracked edge of the tub and counted the seconds between her breaths.
She didn’t breathe for five seconds, then her breath expelled in a whoosh. “It leaves me sitting in the tub with an ass.” She mumbled under her breath, “And you wonder why I don’t want to be your mate.”
I scowled.
Fisted my hands and tried not to growl with frustration.
Within five minutes of trying to be nice, I’d ruined everything between us.
Again.
“I just want to be your Protector,” I said dejectedly.
Her breathing hitched, and I fixated on the soft whooshing noise amid the thundering water.
She sounded upset. Was I making her sad? Was she frowning? Sun god, I wished Orion were here to whisper her every facial expression.
I felt lost.
Pathetic.
Unable to be anything but the broken blind man who couldn’t control his vitriol. The man who liked pain when everyone yearned for pleasure. Even my Revered didn’t understand me.
It was my turn to gasp.
Unable to breathe.
Icy fingers grabbed my hand and squeezed. I fixated on the sensation. Every molecule was highly attuned to where we were touching.
“You don’t need to panic,” Arabella said softly. “I know you aren’t a nice guy. I don’t need you to pretend to be someone you’re not.”
I exhaled shakily.
“There’s no pressure.” She squeezed my hand encouragingly. “We’re just sitting here talking, even if it means we argue, although I’m tired of arguing. Why don’t you tell me about yourself.”
The tingling sensation in my hand intensified, and my arm went numb.
Shock held me still as I tried to process that she was voluntarily touching me and acting like I hadn’t ruined everything.
I inhaled the steam, warm water, and my Revered’s icy scent.
“It’s difficult,” I blurted out before I’d gathered my thoughts. “Being the weak, blind guy who’s mad at the world.”
Pressure burned behind my eyes, and I cursed myself for speaking so rashly. What the fuck was I doing? She deserved a strong Protector, not a pathetic, broken man who doubted himself.