I looked into Tom’s eyes, now blue-green again. Full of the laughter and light I loved. So much like Tom Cruise’s actual eyes, I could barely breathe.
Tell me. I was shivering in Tom’s hands, but he didn’t seem to mind.
It involves Mother, of course.
Of course. I shouldn’t be surprised about that. I was afraid, but I tried not to show that to Tom Cruise. What about Mother? I said.
The lies need to be stopped, Belle. She has to pay for stealing your Beauty. And you have to take it back to be able to come with me to California. You’ll need it there. Will you do that, Belle?
Do what exactly? I thought. I don’t know. But Tom Cruise was so close to me then, I couldn’t speak words anymore. His smile a flashing white that made jelly of me. I was lost in the laughing waters of his eyes. He leaned in closer still. Like he was going to kiss me, this was it. Don’t be nervous, I thought. Stacey wouldn’t be nervous. She wouldn’t get stiff. She was leagues ahead of me with her Black Honey lips and her hair a blond swishing curtain like Rebecca De Mornay’s. Gabriel Gardner had just Frenched her the other day, apparently. Tom’s smile flashed and flashed at me, blinding like an eclipse. His hands on either side of my face, making me shiver. Tom’s eyes on my face like he could truly see me. Could see my great Beauty deep down in the dirt. Could he really see it? I felt his breath on my skin like a cold, cold wind. I closed my eyes, not believing this could be. Tilted my head up just like those terrible girls do in Tom’s movies, those girls I wanted to push off the screen, out of the world. Except I wasn’t one of them, was I? Nothing could change that. Not my slash of lesser red or Mother’s sex shoes or the Dior I was drowning in or my stolen cloud of violets and smoke. How could Tom Cruise ever want me? I started to tremble, knowing he was so close now. Then at the last second, I suddenly lowered my head, afraid. Tom ended up kissing my forehead. And where he kissed me, it burned. I felt the fire through my whole body. I felt shame, why had I been afraid suddenly? I lifted my head back up and waited for him to kiss my lips. I parted them even. I was ready this time, though I was scared. Tom Cruise was my boyfriend, after all. This was what a boyfriend did. Tom, you can kiss me now, I thought with my eyes closed.
Nothing.
When I opened my eyes, Tom was gone. Just Mother in the doorway. Looking at me.
My forehead was throbbing, burning where Tom had just kissed me.
Mother didn’t say anything. Not about going into her room. Not about wearing her lesser red or her shoes or her Christian Dior dress she’d bought discounted from Ladies Evening Wear. Not about Father’s eye bracelet being on the floor. She just stared at me. What the hell is that on your forehead?
Nothing.
Not nothing, there’s a mark.
No there’s not.
Yes there is, like a bruise. Did you hit your head?
No. It’s nothing.
She raised an eyebrow. I was really going to lie like this? Right to her face? That’s it, I’m putting a lock on this door.
Mom—NO!
One minute, Mother said through her teeth. One minute to get dressed and come out here. And then she slammed the door. And in the empty mirror, I saw it on my forehead. Glowing like a star. A mark where Tom Cruise had kissed me with his cold red lips. The skin was still burning.
* * *
She hasn’t put the lock on the door yet, but she says she will. Watch me. Tonight, I have to tell Tom Cruise about the lock. Seth, I mean. I have to find out what he wants me to do before Mother separates us forever. I have to tell him to come to my bedroom from now on, not Mother’s. I won’t have her shoes or her dresses or her Dior Rouge, but at least I’ll have privacy. We can talk about the things Tom wants to talk about. This thing he wants me to do that involves Mother. One thing, Tom said. But the mirror’s still empty. Just me in the glass. I hear Grand-Maman leaving. If Mother finds me here, I’m cooked. The sun’s going down now. I wonder if I did something wrong. Did I upset Tom? There’s still a mark on my forehead. He meant to kiss my lips and I gave him my forehead and maybe he’s angry now. I’ll let you kiss me next time, Tom Cruise, I promise him in my mind. I mean Seth.
Key in the front door. Mother’s home, fuck. Fuck Mother, Tom said. And the mirror is still dark, still empty of all but me waiting.
Tom, you’ve abandoned me. Because I didn’t kiss you? Because I hesitated about Mother?
“Belle,” Mother calls out sharply.
Quickly, I get out of her shoes and dress and I stuff them all back in the closet. I wipe my mouth of her Rouge. I look once more in the mirror before I walk out the door. Just me looking hideous as ever. No wonder Tom didn’t show. Maybe now he sees what everyone else sees.