As if he can hear the thoughts, he snaps his head back and puts distance between us with one large slice through the water.
“I’m sorry. I thought it would be better to not be here much.”
That confirms what I suspected. He’s been avoiding the house because of me.
“I’m not your responsibility,” I say, disappointment clogging my throat. I’ve been desiring him, while he’s been dodging me. I shiver in the dark, feeling a chill that’s beyond the water. “I don’t want my presence to make you feel uncomfortable.”
He doesn’t correct me, tell me I’m wrong. He says it all without saying a thing.
I yearn for connection, for someone to see all of me and who likes who I am. But I won’t get that with Chase.
“It’s getting cold.” I move away with more speed than grace. “I’m getting out now. Close your eyes,” I mumble, just wanting to be covered. I feel naked in so many ways.
“I can’t see you,” he says from somewhere in the shadows.
And he never will because he doesn’t want to, no matter how much I wish it.
I slip from the water and wrap my body in a towel, wishing I could wrap my heart in armor as easily.
CHAPTER 26
Olivia
“Olivia, wake up,” Chase calls.
Two days later, I wake to banging on my bedroom door. I roll over and pull the pillow over my head to block the sound.
More banging.
I rub my eyes and sit up.
What is Chase doing here before it’s even light out? Especially after our pool session the other night where he basically told me he didn’t want to be around me.
“Are you decent? I’m coming in,” he calls through the door.
I barely have time to pull the covers up over my nightshirt before he strolls in, looking wide awake in workout shorts and a tank top. It isn’t fair to short-circuit the few working brain cells I have this early in the morning.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m taking you for a run. Isn’t that on your list?”
I rub the sleep from my eyes. “Yeah, but I can run with Daisy or Emma. I don’t need you.”
Something in his eyes flares as he stalks closer to the bed. I touch my throat and swallow. I imagine him in bed with me, the crisp white linen surrounding his bronzed skin. I look into his face, and it’s a good thing I’m not standing because I get weak at the slight laugh lines crinkling his eyes, those molded lips curving in amusement.
“Daisy and Emma don’t run.”
“Right. Well, maybe with Ryder or Sebastian.”
Anyone but Chase. Chase, who all but admitted he’s been hiding from me the past few days, but suddenly switches course and turns up here in my bedroom. Chase, whom I’d prefer to not see me sweat or pass out from running half a block.
He takes a step closer, his expression tight. “Kenji volunteered to run with you this morning, but I told him to go to hell. I don’t trust the guy.”
I let out a huff of irritation. “You were just warning me to stay away from you, and now here you are in my room. I’m getting whiplash from your mood swings,” I say. “I can go running by myself or wait until I get back to San Francisco to start. It’s not a big deal.”
He runs a hand through his hair until it stands up on end, tousled as if he just emerged from a morning of hot sex. He studies me long enough that I start to fidget. Finally, he shakes his head. “Listen, I’m sorry about the other night. And I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. This is…complicated. But it’s not your fault. It’s all mine. I care about you, probably more than I should, and I don’t want anything to hurt you, ever, including me. I’d really like us to be friends,” he says with an earnestness that contracts my heart.
“That’s the thing about life, Chase. Hurting is kind of unavoidable,” I say in a small voice. “And yes, we’re friends.”
His eyes linger on me, and then he nods. “I’ll meet you in front of the house in twenty minutes. I left you a cup of coffee with cream and two sugars. There’s also some fruit and a granola bar on the counter. I don’t want you to pass out on the run.”
“You know how I take my coffee?” I ask.
“You’d be surprised what I know, Olivia.”
“Oh,” is all I manage, but that word stands for so much.
Oh my God. Oh, my heart. Oh, how in the ever-loving hell am I going to manage this ridiculous crush I have? And oh, why are you so damn confusing?