When he tried to give her a sad smile, I finally got it—his eyes were a dark brown, not a red color, and his pointed fang teeth had a waxy look to them. He was wearing fake teeth.
He wasn’t a vampire; he was a human. （He’d probably only gotten away with it because of the pub’s dim lighting, which would make it impossible for humans to tell. Thank goodness for my improved night vision!）
“Fake,” I said.
Brody gave me a thumbs up, and Tetiana subtly nodded before moving in.
She laughed and patted the fake-vampire on the back. “Goodness, that was a good one,” she said, her Ukrainian accent thickening. “What a joke.”
The man stiffened. “I beg your pardon?”
Tetiana merrily shook her head. “I won’t give you my pardon, but I will share my own joke! Why should you never tell a vampire to get a life?” Tetiana waited for a moment, before her good humor burned away and her eyes glowed an angry red. “Because she might decide to take yours.”
“Um?” the human/fake-vampire blanched.
“We’re with the Magical Response Task Force—under control of the Curia Cloisters.” Brody bumped the human’s shoulders.
The man twisted to face him and gulped.
Brody casually pulled his radio off his belt, but his intense gaze held the guy captive like a frightened rabbit. “Tell me, are you aware it’s illegal to pose as a supernatural?”
“Pose?” the fooled woman stiffened, her voice loud and accusatory enough that the talk around us died down as the pub patrons turned to watch. “Wait, you’re not really a vampire?”
“No, he’s just a human.” Tetiana scoffed.
The woman puffed up, but her friend tugged on her elbow. “Let’s leave this to the professionals—should we order some food?” the friend asked.
A couple of pub patrons sipped their drinks as they looked from the women to the fake-vampire to Brody and Tetiana, their mannerisms as electrified as a correctly installed spotlight.
“No.” The woman shook her head and held her finger up, stabbing it in the fake-vampire’s direction. “No. You, sir, are a crook! You know what—I’m going to post your picture on social media!” She whipped her phone out and snapped a picture before Tetiana or Brody could react.
“Wait!” The man stretched his hand out to his victim. “I didn’t really lie! There’s vampire blood in my family!”
“Is that so?” Tetiana asked with too much innocence. “Try telling that to Blood. Our vampire slayer.” She put her hands on his shoulders and forcibly turned him in my direction.
I did my best to stand tall and look imposing, but really my mask and weapons did plenty of talking for me—and successfully too, based on his reaction.
All the blood drained from his face. “Is that…is that a gun?”
I unhooked a set of cuffs from my belt and dangled them from one of my fingers.
“Sorry! Sorry.” He squeaked first to us, then to the woman he’d been chatting up. “I lied! I’m not a vampire! I was just… just… lonely. I won’t do it again, please let me go!”
“Oh, this is going all over the internet,” the woman growled.
“Okay, but we’re getting out of the possible blood-splash zone.” Her friend bodily hauled her away, dragging her further down the bar.
The patrons who’d been eagerly watching edged away, too, eyeing me with fear.
I tried not to be bothered that they hadn’t given Tetiana and Brody the same looks of fear—my outfit was designed to intimidate, after all. Besides, if my presence kept an open circle around us, that would be beneficial if this guy tried to run.
Brody folded his arms across his chest, making his biceps pop in the tight sleeves of his uniform—he still hadn’t swapped to the long-sleeved uniform, yet. “I don’t think you understand just how dangerous it is to misrepresent yourself.”
“I get it now,” the man garbled. “I swear, I get it.”
“Oh, he’ll learn!” His target called, halfway down the bar and still hopping mad. She was aggressively tapping away on her phone. “All of Magiford is going to find out about his little sob story act! Public shame will teach him.”
I scanned the pub. People were starting to get rowdy and as they’d been imbibing in alcohol, I wasn’t sold that they could make sound decisions. “We should head out,” I said.
Brody cocked his head. “Bring him with?”