“I saw you walking on the beach,” Phoebe says. “How was it? See anything good?”
“Yeah. The sea stars are coming back a little, aren’t they? I saw a beautiful rose-colored one.” As I enter the kitchen, I point. “And dolphins. They’re still out there.”
She sets the bread, still in a glass pan, on the counter. “I figured you can eat carbs for a while, right?”
I laugh without humor. “May as well. Pretty sure my career is dead.”
“Eh, you don’t know.”
Silence falls between us, and I feel the awkwardness of knowing she’s on a duty visit. Our friendship, once so deep and sustaining, has frayed so badly I barely recognize the garment.
That doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. “Look—” I say.
“Suze, I know—”
We both halt, wait. I fold my arms over my chest. “Thank you for coming to the hospital. It meant a lot to me.”
She nods. “Of course. And”—she swallows—“I’m sorry about the fight.”
“Me too.”
“Truce?”
“Yes.” It doesn’t really solve the trouble between us and both of us know it, but it’s something.
We settle at the built-in corner table, with its views of the wide, open sea. “How are things?” I ask, pushing the milk pitcher toward her. “The flower farm? Jasmine? I see that the book is still on the lists.” I’m really proud of her work, although I was deeply wounded when she asked someone else to write the text, not me, as we always planned. “Quite an accomplishment.”
“Thanks.” She stirs cream into her mug, tilts her head, and looks at me. “Is that what you want to talk about?”
I shift my gaze to the view. “I don’t know.”
“How about we start with how you’re doing?”
“I’m fine.”
Phoebe smiles. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, I mean, maybe not fine fine, but okay. Stable, I guess.” A weight of discomfort presses on my chest. “You don’t have to take care of me, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
I feel the sting of that in my cheekbones. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Suze. Eat some bread.” She cuts a slice and hands it to me on a paper towel. I see that same hand over the years—the girl, the teenager, the young mom—offering me cranberry bread, tuna sandwiches, books. “The flower farm is doing very well,” she says, returning to my conversational gambit, “thanks to Ben Thomas. Remember him? He was a year younger than us.”
I frown, trying to pull him up. “Dark hair, kinda chubby?”
She grins. “That’s him. He’s managing the farm. I hired him when Old Man Durgen dropped dead last spring.”
“That’s good.” I bite into the bread, and an explosion of pleasure bursts in my mouth. “Jeez, Phoebe,” I say with my mouth full. “This is ridiculously delicious.”
“Amazing how good sugar tastes, huh?”
I nod fervently, shoving more in my mouth. Tart cranberries, sweet orange in the glaze. It’s nirvana.
“Jasmine is coming today. It’s her favorite.”
Safe ground. “You must be so happy. Odd time of year for her to stay, though, isn’t it?”
“I’m happy she’s coming, but not for the reason.” She takes a breath, and I feel the misery in her before she continues, “Stephanie has been offered a job in London.” Her voice is calm, but her eyes fill with tears. She slaps them away with impatience. “She’s going to find them a place to live.”
“Oh, honey!” Jasmine is her heart. I reach for her hand and stop just in time. She still pulls her arm back, out of reach. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head, folds her hands in her lap tightly. “This is harder than I thought. I’m sorry. Maybe I can’t pretend things are normal. That we are normal.”
“Seriously, Phoebe?” I narrow my eyes. “Why do you always do this? Give me love with one hand and take it back with the other?”
She stands, her mouth tight. “This was a mistake.”
I feel winded. Unconsciously, I touch my chest, right in the middle, and to my horror, tears well up in my eyes and fall down my face as if I’m six. It’s humiliating, but they don’t stop. I expect her to roll her eyes and storm out.
Instead, she softens, then wraps herself around me, tugging me close, stroking my hair. “Oh, Suze, I’m so mean. You bring out the mean in me.”