Except you. I want you to come to Portland and swim in the pool and eat all my mom’s snacks and wear a bikini.
I miss you so much.
Love,
Phoebe
October 28–30, 19—
Dear Phoebe,
I’m sorry about your party. I wish I could have been there. We would have had so much fun! But all those kids are stupid and I want to beat them up for you.
Just remember, you always have me.
I have so many things saved up to tell you I think it’ll take up more than one page.
My friend Joel read GO ASK ALICE, too, and he said it’s horseshit.
He’s not a boyfriend. He’s my friend. He has a lot of acne and he’s self-conscious and so it’s like me and my stupid clothes. We are the kids nobody else wants to hang out with. Or maybe that’s how it started and now we are actual friends. Last night, we stole some of his mom’s Kools and walked over to the house on the bluff （our house! Ha ha, like the song） and sat on the deck and looked at the stars for a long time, smoking. I like smoking, but I’m always afraid my dad will smell it, so I have to be outside.
Anyway, we were out there and he asked if he could brush my hair and I let him take out the braids. He’s like, you could wear your hair like a coat. I laughed and said, Lady Godiva. He blushed the color of apples. It made me feel good.
I started cutting a little bit off the end of the braid all the time, a little at a time so my dad won’t know.
But—ta-da! I made something in home ec that’s so cute. Just a cute peasant top, but I can wear it with a skirt and my dad won’t get mad. It has beautiful full sleeves and a tie at the neck. The fabric is paisleys in stripes of blue and white and yellow.
More tomorrow!
Love,
Suze
October 31, Halloween, 19—
Dear Phoebe,
I went to school as a Normal Girl today. Joel and your grandma helped me get my costume together, which was the shirt I made in home ec and some jeans I bought at Goodwill with the money I made helping the other girls in home ec finish their projects. And a bunch of bracelets and some moccasins my dad let me buy when he felt bad about the whipping. I found this cool fringed vest in a box of donations some people sent to the church and snuck it out before anybody could see it. Since I couldn’t do anything about the length of my hair, Joel talked me into wearing it down. I’ve never left it loose for school, ever.
I wish you could have been there to see their faces when I walked in! Nancy Gorton about blew a gasket—I thought her eyes would bug right out of her face. One of my teachers was all, this is a good look for you, Suzanne, and I rolled my eyes. It’s a costume, I told her.
Joel went as a warrior, all painted with a leather vest over his chest. We ate lunch and people stared at us all day. We laughed so much.
Then I had to take it all off and go home like a good Christian girl, but for a little while I was free.
Love,
Suze
November 5, 19—
Dear Suze,
I wish I’d seen you in the “costume.” That’s how you should look every day. I bet everybody was amazed at how beautiful you are.
GO ASK ALICE isn’t horseshit! I can’t wait to talk about it in person. Will you introduce me to Joel? Maybe we can all go to a movie or skating or something. I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving so so so much. I hate this school and my mom and everything about this city. I hate the rain and the clouds and not being by the ocean. Most of all, I hate that I can’t hang out with you. Do you think your dad would let you come here and visit?
I keep worrying that you’re going to make all kinds of friends at school and then I’ll be the weird girl who lives in Portland and we will drift apart. My mom says that’s what will happen.
My dad says I can spend the whole Thanksgiving week there. He’ll drive me down himself on Saturday morning, and I can stay the whole week until the next Sunday. I know you have to go to school and that’s okay. Amma wants to do some painting things, too, and we’re going to cook the whole dinner.
My comic book is so cool. I love it. It’s the story of two girls by the sea, solving a mystery. Mrs. Gonzales said I can get it copied when I’m done.
Love,
Phoebe
November 6, 19—
Dear Suze,
Today was such a good day! We had a field trip to see a special showing of ROMEO AND JULIET. It’s such a great movie! I cried my eyes out, and most of the girls did. The boys threw popcorn around, but I saw some of them crying, too. You HAVE to see it! Juliet is so beautiful and I love her clothes. Maybe I should take home ec and learn to make velvet bodices. Wouldn’t that be cool?