He nods. I step sideways to let him by, and as he passes, I take a breath to inhale his scent, startled that it’s exactly the same.
Before he entirely passes me, he stops. “Sorry about being so aloof all day yesterday. It’s a little weird to see you.”
“It is weird. I mean—” I shake my head. There’s so much between us, so many things we never had the chance to sort out that there’s almost no way to approach them. And yet I’m hungry to hear about him. His life. His thoughts. “How are you, Joel?”
He looks out the window, and I see a dozen things cross his face. “Good and bad. How about you?”
I spread my hands. “Same.”
He moves into the utility room, and I grind beans, wash the pot, fill it up with water. The smell of coffee must be one of the headiest in the world, but it transports me, always, to the fellowship hall at my father’s church. I was often the one making it, serving it, cleaning it up. Maybe that’s the reason I still don’t drink it. Like cooking, it reminds me of things I don’t ever want to think about again.
Some of Phoebe’s cranberry bread is wrapped up on the counter. When I start slicing it, Maui trots into the kitchen, his tags jingling. Hope gives him a big toothy grin. “Dogs don’t need bread,” I say, but look in the fridge for something more appropriate. “They can have turkey, though.”
He slurps it up. Waits for more. Yul Brynner leaps lightly onto the counter for his share, and I give him some tidbits, too. They both stare at me, and I laugh. “It’s not time.”
Joel returns. “The alarm is very outdated. I don’t think the software is supported any longer.”
“That explains a lot,” I say, leaning on the counter. I almost cross my arms and stop in time. I don’t want to appear to be defensive, and the actor side of me knows that I need to keep my body open and relaxed if I want him to feel that way. Or maybe all this is silly. It’s been decades. We’ve both had lives.
Be normal, I say to myself. Treat him like any old friend. “What do you want in your coffee?”
“Just black.”
I pour a cup and offer the plate of sliced bread, picking a piece up as I curl into the banquette, my feet under me. Yul Brynner trots over, tail high, and settles behind me, smelling my ear. Maui huffs and lies down on the floor. I feel like I have a team.
Joel gingerly perches on the other side of the table, and studies me as he sips the coffee. “It’s strange to see you in person after seeing you on screens.”
“Did you see my movies?”
He nods. “A few.” Inclines his head. “All.”
I grin. “Really?”
“Of course. You’re the only famous person I know, and I liked watching you grow up and become this . . . powerful person.”
It feels impersonal, but what did I expect? “Thank you for that.”
“But you don’t actually look the same in person. I mean, I guess nobody does.”
“Right. There’s a lot of artifice in the screen version.”
He meets my eyes. “The real-life version is a little less intimidating.”
That’s a lot closer to what I might be seeking. My heart is racing a little, and when I reach for a napkin, my hands are shaking. Pulling back into my body, I take a breath.
“Are you okay?”
I’m about to lie, to blow it all off, but instead I tell the truth. “Not really. Not for a while. I’m rattled by . . . everything. The attacks. The sneakiness of someone on my property.” I lift my shoulders. “You.”
“Yeah. Me too, honestly.” I see him swallow. He takes another sip of coffee. “I read about the attack. Are you recovered?”
“Physically.” Saying it aloud settles my body a little. “I don’t really want to talk about that, though, if that’s okay.”
“I get it. No worries.”
The music has settled into a soft bit, swirling around us like this is a movie. I smile as I say, “So, you have the advantage. You know a lot more about my life than I know about yours.”
He leans back. “Uh. Okay. Where to start?”
“Tell me everything.”
For a long minute, he’s quiet, just looking at me. Then he takes a breath. “Let’s see . . . everything since I last saw you . . .” He ticks off items on his fingers. “Juvie, Seattle with my dad, community college, lost years, married, settled down, got divorced, moved back to Seattle to take care of my mom, watched my old girlfriend become a big star, got married again, divorced again, came back to Blue Cove about seven years ago.”