An explosive curse came from Raider as Aeron and Graydon disappeared into the ship. Raider whirled, giving Kira his back.
She waited, knowing he needed a moment as he put his hands on his hips and bent his head.
"Is this going to be a problem?" Kira asked. "Because if so—"
It wasn't that she didn't understand or sympathize with his anger. The Tsavitee had been their enemies for so long. The generals responsible for guiding the Tsavitee's armies in particular. The war wouldn't have been nearly as devastating without their influence.
They'd lost friends and colleagues because of them. That was a lot to overlook.
"He's our only lead, Raider," Kira said.
Raider released a breath, tipping his head back to look up at the storm clouds overhead. "He isn't. There's Odin too. Elise told us to find the Sye, remember?"
Kira claimed the last piece of distance that would bring her shoulder to shoulder with him as she joined him in cloud gazing. "Odin and I have been searching for the Tsavitee home world for eight years. If it was that easy to find, we would have found it by now. We're close, but we're not there. Aeron has actually been where we need to go."
Not to mention reaching Odin would take them several days of travel. Then more time after that in space while they located the Tsavitee home world. That was if Odin had managed to find the coordinates.
Aeron's information could shorten their journey considerably.
It was a long shot, but one Kira judged worthwhile.
"Every time I see his face, I'm overcome with rage. It's my daughter who should be here. Not him."
Kira put her arm around his shoulder and leaned her head against him as they continued to watch the sky.
Something that sounded almost like a sob escaped him before he swallowed it down. "I know I need to be in control right now. I promise to do better."
She patted his back and straightened. That's all she could ask for.
"What about you?"
Kira sent him a blank look of incomprehension.
"Come on, Nixxy. I heard about what happened in that meeting. I'm not like these others. I know the primus isn't a card you'd ever willingly play. I'm not the only one with control issues, am I?"
Raider had always understood her in a way most hadn't. He knew her secrets. Her deepest fears. He should, since he'd been the one to hold her hand in the aftermath of one of her primus's rampages. He'd helped her through her guilt and grief.
Her gaze dropped as a self-deprecating laugh escaped. "I guess there's no use lying."
"I'd say we're past that. At least to each other."
"I'm scared, Raider. I feel lost. Like there's a Jin shaped hole in my soul."
Kira could barely remember a time when he wasn't there, crouched in his corner of her mind. Their connection a constant. The thing keeping her going when the rest had fallen.
Raider couldn't quite hide his hint of worry. "He's alive. You'd sense it if he was gone."
"My head knows that, but the rest of me—"
The rest of her wasn't convinced. It felt the dead space where Jin should be and grieved.
"The primus is maintaining my mental state." At least it had been until Graydon's arrival shredded the balance she'd established. The primus was still there. Just a little more distant than it had been. "Without it—"
"You're afraid you'll go into a fugue state again."
Kira's nod was shaky.
"This isn't the first time, is it?" he asked.
"No."
"Rothchild." There was a flicker of pain on his face as he looked away from her. "That's why you were different. Why you were so cold despite—"
"Yes." Kira's answer was little more than a whisper of sound.
Raider closed his eyes, grief stamped on his features. "Ah, Kira, I wish I'd known."
She shook her head. "You couldn't have."
She hadn't been in a sharing mood back then. It was all she could do to bury everything. She'd had to become a creature of vengeance to keep putting one foot in front of another. Her relationships with Raider and a few others were sacrificed in the process.
"What a broken pair we make," Raider said before giving her a serious look. "You watch my back; I watch yours? We keep the other from going too far."
Kira nodded, liking the sound of that. "Just like old times."
They shared a look, remembering those times. The battles they'd fought and won. The impossible odds they'd always managed to tilt in their favor.
Yes, old times in that they'd lay waste to anything that interfered with the pursuit of their mission.