“I remember the day we left,” Elena says. “You didn’t seem to care that we were leaving.”
I peer into my glass. It’s nearly empty. “By then, I knew very well how to keep my feelings hidden.”
“So you never lost control of your emotions since?” Fabi asks quietly, her cheeks wet.
“Not for a long time. They were entombed deep inside. Locked away and forgotten. But someone found the key.”
Fabi sucks in a low breath. “Cleo.”
I nod. “I lost my mind when I thought she was in danger. It’s my fault Nero’s gone. I made so many mistakes in the time from when I got the call about her being kidnapped to when I was finally sure she was safe. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Fabi shakes her head. “You did all that, and then you let her go? Why?”
“Because with her around, I can’t be the don I have to be.”
“And what kind of don is that? The same as our father?” Elena wipes away an errant tear with her sleeve. “God, Rafe. He was a fucking monster. I’ve spent more than a decade thinking you were cut from the same cloth as him, but now that you told us what really happened, I can see that I was wrong. You are not him. What he put you through as a child is deplorable, and even with all of his sick ‘training,’ you would never do the things he did to someone you’re supposed to love and protect.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t.”
“Then why are you still measuring yourself up to the ridiculous, fucked-up standard he set?”
Her words press down on me, branding themselves on my skin with a harsh burn. I’ve rejected many things about my father, but his lessons have stayed with me. I’ve allowed them to define me.
“Cleo compromises me.”
“How? Because she makes you feel emotions? Because she makes you give a shit about something other than strength and power?”
“Yes.”
“Then let yourself be compromised. Accept it. Work with it. Get stronger because of it. You know which man fights the hardest? The man who’s got something real to lose.”
I think back to Gino Ferraro. There was a time when his family was far weaker than ours, but in the past decade, they’ve managed to surpass us. Only now it dawns on me why that is. He’s got people he loves in his life. People he wants to protect.
“Our father tried to stomp out your humanity, but thankfully, he failed. He died without ever having lived, Rafe. Can’t you see it? Nothing he had was real.” She stands up and spreads her arms, gesturing at the lavish living room, at the house from which our father ran his kingdom. “This? This isn’t real. Our father thought he had everything, and yet, how did he die?”
“He died alone.” My sisters never came home to say goodbye to him and I didn’t force them. Mamma stayed at the Hamptons the entire time he was ill. He was cared for by nurses who hated his guts for speaking to them like they were subhuman.
Elena nods. “He died alone. Despite his millions, he was the poorest man I’d ever known.”
My sisters are right. Why would I continue down the path of a man I hated? He may have been the only teacher I’ve ever had, but I don’t have to keep his lessons with me any longer. I can choose my own path as don.
Elena studies me. “I’ll admit, I thought the marriage between you and Cleo was another soulless match, much like our parents’。 But I’m starting to think otherwise.”
Fabi’s lips form a sad smile. “What you have with Cleo is real. Isn’t it?”
Slowly, I rake my fingers through my hair. I thought being with Cleo would end with me losing it all. But I was wrong.
I lost it all when I sent her away.
I love her. Fuck, I’m a fool.
I place my elbows on my knees and press my forehead into my palms. A moment later, the sofa dips. My sisters appear beside me, one on either side of me. For the first time I can remember, they wrap their arms around me and hold me tightly.
The ache in the back of my throat spreads through my chest. Slowly, hesitantly, I return their embrace. “I’ve made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?”
“You can fix it,” Elena says against my hair. “Go after her.”
Can I? Can I undo all the damage I caused when I was trying so hard to deny my own feelings that I showed no concern for her own?
Elena pulls back and looks me in the eye. “Tell her what you told us and allow yourself to feel all the pain that comes with that. Open up to her the way you finally opened up to us.”