It does nothing to calm my anxiety or my racing pulse.
This can’t go on. I can’t keep going to Loretta’s and doing inventory, spending my evenings buried in spreadsheets and ignoring this thing hanging over my head.
My mother asked me to come see her yesterday. I knew what it meant, and because I’m a coward, I didn’t go to my old home. Papà wants an answer. And I want…
I think I want Rafaele.
My eyes fall shut. I told myself I’d never surrender to him, but that was when surrender meant defeat.
It doesn’t now. The truth is, I don’t hate my husband anymore. There’s far more to him than meets the eye. He’s more than a don, more than a killer, more than my prison warden.
Rafaele works a lot. Unlike Papà, he doesn’t just sit in his office and expect his capos to bring him their reports. He goes to their territories, helps them with their problems, and he seems to genuinely give a shit about taking care of them.
My father always thought that was beneath him. All he knows how to do is yell and threaten, but I’ve overheard how Rafaele talks to his men, and he doesn’t need to raise his voice to get them to do something. He’s a natural leader, and he has their respect.
And then there’s the way he treats me. The way he makes me feel. Like I’m more than just a fuckup. Like I’ve got something good to give.
I’ve been written off by everyone in my life, one way or another. Everyone but him.
I cover my face with my palms and finally come to terms with it.
I can’t betray him.
Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe I’m allowing myself to be driven by feelings Rafaele may never reciprocate. Maybe. But I’ve never been one to worry about consequences, have I?
I drop my palms and gaze at the clear blue sky.
I will never be Rafaele’s possession.
I will never belong to him.
But I think I belong with him.
A few more days pass with Rafaele gone. He returns on Friday, the same evening we’re scheduled for our dinner with the Ferraros. Everyone knows who they are, but I’ve never met any members of the family. I’m not sure which family is more powerful, the Ferraros or the Messeros, but they’re equally feared in New York.
I’m trying to pick what to wear when my husband strolls into the closet and meets my gaze in the mirror. His is pure hunger. He prowls over to me, wraps his arm around my waist, and presses his lips to the side of my throat. A low buzz appears beneath my skin.
“How was your trip?”
“Too long,” he growls against my skin.
“Missed me?” I try to sound casual, but the second it takes him to respond makes my heart stutter.
“You have no idea.” His eyes meet mine again. “This dinner couldn’t have come at a worse time, tesoro. I don’t want to share you with anyone tonight.”
My body burns under his gaze. He knows. He knows I’m done for. If he pushed me down to the floor right here in the closet and said he wanted to fuck me like an animal, I’d let him. There isn’t much I wouldn’t let him do to me right now. I missed him too. More than I thought was possible.
He glances around the closet. “Picking your outfit?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“The Ferraros won’t agree to wearing blindfolds willingly,” he says in a low voice, his lips close to my ear. “Don’t make me force them.”
My laugh is breathless. “Don’t worry. I’ve got something at stake tonight too, remember?”
Maybe he doesn’t. Loretta’s supplier contract is hardly the most important thing he has on his mind.
“I remember.” He turns me in his arms so that I face him. “I prepared the revised contract with updated payment terms. All Gino will have to do is get his cousin to sign it.”
My stomach flutters. “When did you have the time to do that?”
His hand slides down my back, and there’s a subtle smile playing on his lips. “I always make time for things that are important.”
My chest constricts. I can’t wait any longer. I have to tell him about what Papà asked of me. I’ve decided I won’t help him. Now, I just have to warn Rafaele.
But before I can tell him, he cuts me off with a kiss. The kind that scrambles thoughts and makes nerve endings fire. His tongue brushes against mine, and I forget all about my father. I lean into Rafaele’s strong body, dragging my hands over his muscled shoulders, and imagine what it will feel like to have this body moving over me.
Heat stirs between my legs.