Something about him scrambled my brain waves, and if I was honest with myself, that had always been true. My breaking-and-entering career kicked off at the ripe age of sixteen because of the Noah effect. And look where that had gotten all of us.
Now I stood to lose something even more precious if I wasn't careful. I stood to lose my heart. Two nights in South Dakota was one thing, but seeing him in front of me, day in and day out, was another.
I pushed back from my desk and shoved my feet back into my flats before making my way down the hallway to Beatrice's office.
Out of respect, I rapped my knuckles quietly against the door even though it was propped open, and I could see her typing away at her computer.
She turned in her chair and gave me a small smile. "Come in, Molly. Perfect timing."
"Yeah?"
Her face smoothed out into that placid, pleasant expression she favored even though I could sense her studying me carefully. Since I got home, no one had looked at me like that, and I fought not to fidget as I took a seat across from her. "I've been trying to get a hold of Rick, and he seems to be … how do I phrase this … ghosting me?"
My eyebrows bent down. "Really? That doesn't seem like him."
"It doesn't. Yet I've asked for more raw footage, updates on how it's going, and he's ignored every request for the past two weeks. Either he evades me with a bland update, or he outright avoids answering my questions." She steepled her fingers in front of her. "Do you have any idea why?"
"No," I answered honestly. "Filming has been going really smoothly. They got a lot of great stuff over the weekend, so I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to show you."
When she didn't reply right away, I got the distinct feeling she was weighing the sincerity of my answer. But no matter what conversations I might have had with Rick, I was being truthful with Beatrice about this. I couldn't fathom why he wouldn't want to show her any of the footage they'd recorded.
"Okay," she said. "I'm glad to hear you say that. It makes me feel better since I know you're present whenever they're filming."
"Good." I took a deep breath. "But that's something I wanted to talk to you about, actually."
She tilted her head, raising an eyebrow in question.
"I've been there every day since they started. Very little has been filmed without me being there."
"I know. That's part of your job."
"I'm questioning how necessary that is, though," I said evenly.
Her face didn't move. Not a single muscle. Yet I felt a stunned reaction from her like a wave pulsing through the room. "Why's that?"
I shifted in my seat before answering. "Rick isn't trying to undermine us. He's not trying to manufacture drama or instigate something false. He clearly cares about Noah and wants to capture the raw truth of what this is like for him. And Noah …" My voice wavered on his name, just the slightest hitch, but I covered it up by clearing my throat. "Noah is so much more comfortable in front of the camera than he was when this started. They don't need me there, Beatrice. I feel like I'm wasting my time, and Washington's money, by hanging in the background to make sure everything is going smoothly. And I"—I blew out a slow breath—"I wonder if that's something you knew would happen when you gave me this opportunity. That I'd feel unnecessary. Like I could be doing more or make a bigger impact elsewhere."
Her eyes narrowed. "Do you think I'd trick you?"
I licked my lips. "Not trick, no. But you were very honest with me about why you were doing this. You felt like I hadn't earned my job, that my last name meant I didn't work as hard as someone else might were they in my position. And even though I know that's not true, not fully, you flat out told me to prove it to you. But continuing with this setup, I'll never be able to do that."
"Why's that?"
Because I'll fall in love with Noah if you keep shoving him under my nose and will inevitably make more horrible decisions when I know I can't stay away from him. I blinked the thought back.
"Because this role is a waste of my talent. I can do both things, but I don't need to be with them every day they film. I can meet with Rick and Marty once a week to make sure they have all the access they need within the organization, and if Noah isn't working with them as he should, then I can step in as necessary. I've already proven to be able to communicate with him effectively."
The words were coming out of my mouth when I was slammed with a vivid memory of how effective our communication was for those two nights.