“That’s good. I’m glad,” Evan said.
“Can I get anything else for you?” the waitress asked.
“No, thank you, just the check,” Noelle said. What else could they talk about? It’d only been a year. They were both still struggling, and both still doing just fine. She missed the hell out of him. And knew they weren’t good for each other. It would simply take time to heal and to move on in any measurable way from what they’d experienced. But she was glad they’d checked in. She could picture him now as he was. Healthy. At least mostly happy. Moving forward.
“What do you have planned for today?” Evan asked, and his words came out in a rush.
She hesitated. “I hadn’t really made any plans. Paula is helping her mother with some last-minute arrangements and greeting family who flew in for the funeral.” She pointed across the street to the hotel where she was staying, and the reason she’d chosen this particular restaurant. She had a view from her room. “I was just going to hang out at the hotel pool for a few hours, or maybe see some sights. I don’t know.”
He nodded. “My day is pretty free too.” Those rushed words again. The speed of her heart followed suit.
That old familiar clutching. The need she’d tried not to acknowledge since the moment her eyes had landed on him.
The waitress reappeared, placing their check on the table and then seeming to take an interminable amount of time clearing the few dishes and coffee accoutrements. Noelle’s breath gusted out when the young woman turned away. Their gazes locked, and with effort she tore hers away. She wasn’t going to ask him to hang out at the pool or to tour the city. She wouldn’t even know how to do that. Not with him. They were strangers. Yes, they’d shared something unimaginably horrific, something that would change them forever. Connect them forever. But at the heart of the matter, they knew nothing significant about the other. It was better to simply say goodbye and allow him to get on with his life. It’d been too soon. They shouldn’t have done this.
“Noelle—”
“Evan—”
Her eyes searched his. He didn’t seem to know where to take this next either. He looked across the street toward the Hyatt, the bellman out front helping an elderly gentleman unload suitcases from his trunk. He met her eyes again. She knew what he was offering. Or asking. Maybe there were no words for that type of proposal. But she knew. And so did he.
She’d already decided she wouldn’t. It was a bad idea.
“Yes,” she said softly. She reached for her wallet, but he beat her to it, throwing a twenty on the table. They exited the small gate together and headed toward the hotel.
The room she’d checked in to the day before was nice, if basic. Noelle tossed her purse on the desk. Behind her, she heard the click of the door and a quiet rattle of chain as Evan engaged the lock. Her heart rate kicked up another notch. She was nervous, but now that she’d surrendered, now that she’d given herself permission even if it was wrong, she was also relieved. She’d made a choice. There would be consequences for both of them, but she wouldn’t back out. Not now. She could see the certainty in his gaze as well. There would be no need for artifice here. There was only a goal in mind—and complete understanding. She kicked off her shoes and turned, watching as he approached her.
He tilted his head, smiling softly. He looked nervous, and it made tenderness sweep through her. This was different, then. She hadn’t felt tenderness before, only raw need. “We’ve never kissed,” he noted.
She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from her chest. It seemed ridiculous. “Haven’t we?”
“I’d remember.”
She supposed she would too. Sometimes she pictured the two and only times they’d had sex, the grasping, the feel of his skin as it slid over hers, the hot press of his flesh as he’d entered her body. She closed her eyes, and she saw him come over her, again and again, to shut out the other visions that threatened. And she was grateful she had those memories. She clutched them the way she’d clutched him all those months ago. They felt like a weapon, a torch among shadows.
“Let’s do it differently this time,” he said. “We’ll go slow. As slow as you need. There’s no rush. No time frame. Okay?” It was as if he’d read her mind. Yes, she had those old memories, but these ones would be sharper, brighter.
“Yes,” she breathed. “Yes, okay.”
He brought a finger to her chin, tipping her face and leaning in. He was sweet. He really was. She’d been so wrong about him for so long. It’d only taken a month and a cage and a fiery escape to bind her to her mortal enemy. A small laugh escaped her lips, and he pulled back for a second, a smile floating over his lips as well. He didn’t ask what was funny.