“You did an adult gymnastics class,” I repeat.
“It was fun.”
“You participated.”
“In corduroy pants and a button-down shirt.”
Now I’m the one stopping us from entering the back door when the cold is generally something I’ll avoid at all costs. “And?”
“Does the name Austin George ring a bell?”
I frown. “Is that one of the neighbors who dropped off food?”
They laugh. “Uncle Grey. He’s a gold-medal gymnast from like twenty years ago?”
“Oh.”
“He and his husband run the gym in town now. Bought it like eight years ago. So after Sabrina’s brief rule as the terror of Tooth Gymnastics.”
I bite back the question about how Sabrina’s now a terror. “That doesn’t mean they get the instant Zen seal of approval.”
“Yes, it does.”
“It does?”
“When one of your childhood idols offers to help you do a cartwheel, you do the fucking cartwheel, and then you stay and gossip with all of the fabulous ladies who were there for class before heading to the salon where Sabrina’s mother works for an apparently super late night rendezvous that might’ve been hosted by a local Wiccan who’s Wiccan cool. Heh.”
I refuse to admit how much my entire body perks up at the mention of Sabrina’s name again and how much I don’t really care about the rest of that sentence. “And?”
“And I don’t remember any of their real names, so take this with a grain of salt, but Myrtle has a grandson who just switched college majors for the fourth time, Viola’s Subaru is at that age where she knows it’ll last another ten years, but also, if she sells now, she’ll get a better deal than if she lets it get any older on a trade-in, and Sue Ellen’s daughter seriously needs a divorce, in Sue Ellen’s opinion, but if you ask me, Sue Ellen is a judgmental hag who sees what she wants to see and has no idea what her daughter’s marriage is really all about.”
“You’re fired.”
Zen is grinning broader than I’ve seen them grin in ages when talking about anyone other than me or my sister’s gastrointestinal issues. “Myrtle also said Sabrina saved her from going on a date with a guy who turned out to be some kind of scam artist in the obscure profession of toy train collecting. Something about passing off replicas as vintage. Viola reports Sabrina’s the reason the old mayor lost his reelection bid six years ago, and the new mayor’s the reason tourists keep coming to the train station and the old mine even in winter now. Oh, and the Valentine’s Day heart walk on Main Street next week was apparently Sabrina’s idea too, and if we back out of hosting the speed dating station, the general single population of the Tooth will be what runs us out of business and also makes sure that the kombucha bar fails. Sue Ellen thinks Sabrina knows things about her and is saving them for a rainy day, but I couldn’t get out of her what gossip she thinks Sabrina knows, so she’s probably either in debt or secretly has a crush on some crusty old dude.”
“You’re rehired, but on probation.”
“Uncle Grey, you know all the right things to say to make a person’s dreams come true. P. S., freaking ask Sabrina out already. She is so not on Team Cheese Turd. Plus she can make or break this place after you renovate it. Also, you’d be doing me a favor if you got laid again.” Zen throws the back door open, and we step inside to a disaster of a kitchen.
Disaster may be something of an overstatement. But there shouldn’t be dishes in the sink at five in the morning. The grill shouldn’t be on. I shouldn’t smell coffee this strongly. And the dining room light definitely shouldn’t be glowing, nor should voices be coming from there.
Zen doesn’t seem to connect the something’s wrong dots.
I look behind me.
Why are there six cars in my usually empty lot?
What the hell’s going on?
“Yes, yes, do the dishes,” they say perkily. “Look at me. Who am I? Oh, I’m so excited! I have piles and piles of dishes! I’m going to sing my heart out at the top of my lungs like I’m Cinderella to see if it’ll annoy my new boss so he quits looking at me like he wants to strip me out of my clothes!”
“You’re fired again.”
“You’ll have to do the dishes.”
Is it possible to have a permanent cramp in your eyelid?
All I wanted was to hear everything they could tell me about Sabrina, and then they did it, and now I don’t know which way is up and if they just insulted me or not.