He doesn’t budge an inch. Instead, his hands slam down on either side of me, trapping me. I should feel claustrophobic but all I feel is hot. Really, really hot.
“You can do whatever the fuck you want. Just don’t do it with my siblings. Those two are off-limits.”
“Mhmm, and have you told them that?” I demand. “Because they’re the ones that came looking for me.”
“Lev doesn’t know any better and Polly wasn’t looking for shit. She just—”
“You don’t think she’s looking for anything?” I scoff. “Try attention. Try affection. Try honesty.”
“She has plenty of that,” he grits out. But it’s obvious that he doesn’t believe what he’s saying.
“Please. She needs you, Uri. And not just on random weekends. She’s trying to make herself small so that you don’t have to worry about her. But guess what? She needs more than she’s willing to ask for.”
He stops short and his fury abates for a second. Even his temper is not enough to distract from the worry he has for his sister. My heart aches as I watch those blue eyes unravel. “Did she say that?”
I sigh. “She didn’t have to. I could tell just from talking to her. She’s hurting, too, Uri.”
He’s looking right at me but his gaze is unfocused and distant. “She was the one that wanted to go off to boarding school. It was her decision.”
“Might it have had a little something to do with the fact that Lev doesn’t do well around her?”
Bam. Just like that, the focus is back on me. Intense enough to make me sweat. “What happened?” he asks. “Something must have happened between the two of them while they were—”
“Nothing happened,” I say gently. “I just noticed that Lev was a little more standoffish with her than he is with other people. And Polly mentioned a couple of things, too.”
His jaw clenches tight. “It’s gotten a lot better than it used to be,” he admits in a self-conscious rasp. “But right after his coma, he started… he started having panic attacks whenever he looked at her.” Uri strokes his beard stubble reluctantly. “I don’t know why. I still can’t—”
“I know.”
He looks flabbergasted. “You can’t possibly—”
“Her eyes,” I whisper. “She has your mother’s eyes, doesn’t she?”
He pauses and rears back to look at me from a new angle. The furrow between his brows is deep, gathering shadows. “How could you possibly know that?”
“Lev told me. He also told me that after the car fell down the ravine, he was trapped in that seat, staring straight at her. Your mom, sh-she… I think she died with her eyes open.”
He stares unblinkingly at me for a moment. “Fuck,” he breathes as his own eyes water and close. “Fuck.”
“Uri.” Without thinking, I reach out and cup his face with the palm of my hand. I place my other hand on his chest. It’s beating fast, filled with the kind of loss, the kind of pain that I experienced myself once. “I’m sorry.”
“He told you all that?” he asks with his eyes still hooded and low.
“It wasn’t, like, a whole thing. We were just talking. I mentioned my sister; he mentioned that. I didn’t even put it together until I saw Polly today. Her eyes—they were exactly how he described your mother’s eyes.”
He jerks away from me and I drop my hands. “Do you know how long I’ve spent trying to figure this out? Trying to figure out why he… why he… fuck.”
“Well, now, you know.”
He shakes his head in disgust. “I should have known sooner.”
“Will you stop?” I spit angrily. “Blaming yourself doesn’t help those kids. You’ve tried hard and from what I can see, you’ve done a damn good job.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“Actually, I do. Don’t get me wrong: I think you’re a brute and an ass most of the time. But only towards me. To those kids… you’re their hero.” He shakes his head and I step forward. This time, I step into his space. “Don’t take it personally, Uri.”
“I don’t get it,” he says, sounding genuinely baffled. “Why would he open up like that to you and not me?”
“I’m not trying to change him.”
His eyes narrow. Shit. “No, why would you? You’re not here for the long haul. The only thing you want is to leave.”