I need to get out of here. I need to get the hell out of here.
It’s the only thing I can hear past my own sobs. My neck is raw where he touched me. It feels as though he singed off the first layer of skin and now, I’m exposed and vulnerable. That’s how the rest of me feels, too. The slightest wind would bowl me right over.
I didn’t think I’d ever be here, like this. Sure, Uri is dangerous and powerful and sometimes aggressive. But he would never hurt me. He would never threaten me. He would never do anything to make me feel unsafe.
Except he just did.
So there goes that unearned confidence, crumbling to dust. And in the wake of it, what do I have? Nothing. No choices, that’s for sure.
I have to do this. Not just for me.
“For you, too,” I whisper, pushing my legs away from my chest so that I can look down at my still-flat belly.
I put my hand on my stomach and try to sense the life growing inside me. It’s been twenty-four hours since I accepted the fact that my sore breasts, queasy belly, and lack of period were more than just stress symptoms.
I don’t need a doctor to confirm it. I don’t need a pregnancy test or a close read of the Plan B box to know that all those precautions didn’t add up to shit. All I need is this feeling in my core. Call it nausea; call it instinct. Call it freaking karma, I don’t know.
I just know that I’m carrying Uri Bugrov’s baby.
I wake up the next day feeling strangely calm and strangely focused.
I didn’t fall asleep until late but at least I slept through the night. Free of dreams or pee breaks, I come back to reality feeling… well, if not refreshed, then at least ready. Ready to take action, ready to do something.
Stripped of my sole lifeline to the outside world, I steer clear of the gaming station and wait for the inevitable visit from Lev. He shows up right after breakfast, his breath smelling of milk and sugary cereal.
“Morning, Lev. How are you?”
His face curdles as he takes me in and his gaze drops to the bruises around my neck. I can’t blame him; I spent the better part of the morning staring at the aggressive purple-blue streaks banding my throat. They look a lot worse than they feel, but for the purpose of my plan, I’m fine with that.
“What happened?” he asks, immediately agitated.
“I, um… don’t know. It’s just a rash, I think.”
He looks confused. “Rash?”
“A skin rash. It’ll go away in a few days, don’t worry.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Stings, more like. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
I smile sadly at his somber expression. There’s so much love in this man. It’s unfair that life has treated him so cruelly. “Lev, do you think you’d be able to do me a favor?”
His eyes snap up to mine. “F-favor?”
“Could you let me go upstairs again today?”
I see his hesitation right away. Fingers twitching akimbo as he chews at the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know…”
“It would just be for a little bit,” I promise him. “Just the very littlest bit.”
He shuffles on his feet. “Can’t we just play video games down here?” That’s when his eyes go to the gaming station—or lack thereof, to be more accurate. His jaw drops with horror. “What happened?”
“Your, uh… your brother removed everything.”
Lev ventures a little closer as though he’s surveying a crime scene. “That’s not nice,” he grunts in a low voice, his body starting to rock back and forth. “My Xbox… my Xbox… my X—”
“Lev? Alyssa?”
I turn around as Polly appears at the door. She walks in, takes one look at Lev and the gaming station, then at the bruises on my neck—and her eyes harden into stone.
“Are you okay?” she asks me in a low, dangerous voice that reminds me strangely of Uri’s.
I take a deep breath but I’m struggling with the sudden, unexpected sob catching in my throat. So much for staying calm. “I’m, uh…”
I blink back tears, which is all it takes to send everything skittering off the tracks. Polly strides forward and grabs my arm. “It’s all gonna be okay,” she murmurs in a voice so soothing that I just might break down on the spot. The only thing that stops me is Lev. He’s upset enough as it is. Seeing me boo-hoo crying would push him over the edge.
“Lev, why don’t you go to the upstairs gaming room and play there?”