He still has that calculated look in his eye, though. The one he gets when he has a shit ton to say but he wants me to show my hand first. Another thing he learned from our father.
“You have something to say, Nikolai. Just fucking say it.”
He leans back in his seat. The way he’s acting, you’d think he was the one in the boss’s chair. “Heard you had quite the little outing just before the weekend.”
This time, I can’t hold back the eye roll. “Who snitched?”
Nikolai’s back straightens. “Who didn’t? Everyone is talking. You haven’t been seen with her once; you’ve been seen with her twice. You promoted her from arm candy to girlfriend. You’ve made her important.” His words are sinking in heavily and my chest churns. He has a point. “Whatever you’ve got going on with her, it needs to stop. Starting now.”
I’m so pissed at myself that I have no room left to be pissed at Nikolai. He’s not wrong.
“It’s already over,” I rumble.
“You’ve said that before.”
I slam my fist down on the table and Nikolai takes notice. His jaw clamps shut and his eyebrows pinch together. “I’ve ended it,” I reiterate. “There’s nothing more to discuss there.”
It isn’t a total lie. I have ended it; I just haven’t told her yet. Of course, there’s a chance Alyssa is already onto me. I pulled out of her yesterday only to find tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to hide them and I pretended like I didn’t see them. But the sadness on her face was the final nail on our coffin.
We’ve been playing with fire all this time. Whatever we have was never made to last. And the sooner I end it, the better.
“Can I ask you something without you getting all defensive and snarky?”
I glare at my brother. “Of the two of us, you are the snarky one.”
He sighs and looks at me, so I wave wearily for him to continue. “What is it about her?” he asks.
I shift in my seat, doing my best to look detached and uncaring. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, brother.” He leans forward, elbows on his knees. “You’ve been with a lot of women. None of them have ever held your attention longer than a night. So what’s so special about this one?”
There are a hundred different answers I could give him. Since the moment I saw that hideous underwear ogling me while she dangled from my fence, I’ve been enamored. She snores when she’s exhausted. She wrinkles her nose when she’s trying to decide if I’m being earnest or sarcastic. She blinks twice before she sneezes and she chooses to believe the best in people even when the evidence suggests she shouldn’t. Any one of those would suffice.
Instead of saying any of that, though, I opt for the simplest and yet the heaviest explanation. “She’s good with Lev.”
Nikolai’s eyebrows hit the roof of his forehead. “No one is good with Lev.”
“Except for her.”
He leans towards me just a little. “And Lev?”
“I think Lev might have his first ever post-accident crush.”
Nik is quiet for several beats while he takes that in. “Is fucking her your twisted way of keeping her around for him?” he ventures.
I scowl. “She’s a good lay. Which is why I keep going back for more.” Those words should be easier to say than they are. As it is, it feels like spewing poison.
“Why do you think she’s so good with Lev?”
I’m on the verge of telling him about Ziva, but something stops me. It feels wrong to tell him anything that Alyssa shared with me in confidence. “How the fuck am I supposed to know that?” I scoff instead.
He raises up his arms in surrender. “Your preoccupation with her has been noted, Uri. That’s all I’m trying to stress to you.”
“Great. Your preoccupation with my preoccupation has been noted.”
“Don’t be an asshole. I’m doing this for the family. I don’t want Polly and Lev affected by your personal shit.”
I get to my feet. “I have no personal shit. I have this Bratva and this family—that’s it.”
“And if it came down to a choice?”
That takes me back. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“If you had to choose between her and us, what would you do?”
I glare at him furiously. “Is that an actual question or are you just trying to piss me off now?”
“Given how you’ve been behaving lately—”