Maybe it’s the pain that makes things clear but suddenly, I’m starting to figure everything out. It’s like all the bullshit fades away in the face of the pain and only the true things are left behind. “You’re the one who helped Boris escape,” I whisper, sweating and shivering. “The day he escaped… you were at the house giving me an exam.”
He doesn’t bother denying it. “Your contractions are getting closer together.”
I ignore him. Tell me something I don’t know, asshole. “And at the hospital, you’re the one that told Uri that my babies weren’t his.”
“I really didn’t think that would work. I overestimated how much your man trusts you.”
Another contraction hits me like a runaway train. I clamp down because I won’t give these monsters the satisfaction of hearing my screams, though I think I fuck up my jaw with how hard it is to keep them swallowed down.
“Don’t talk to me about trust,” I pant when the wave subsides. “You’re an idiot to trust that Boris is going to keep his word and leave you and your family unharmed. The moment he’s got me out of the way, he’s going to kill you, too.”
Grigory shrugs. “I’m useful to him. As long as I continue to be useful to him, he’ll keep me alive.”
“You really want to live your entire life with that noose around your neck?” He moves wordlessly to my feet and starts undoing my restraints. “What are you doing?”
He starts to transfer my legs into stirrups. I summon as much strength as I can muster and kick him in the chest. The first blow takes him by surprise and he stumbles backward, but I don’t have time to get in a second before he seizes my ankle hard with both hands and slams it down into the stirrup.
“You’re only making this worse for yourself,” he growls, repeating the same process with my other leg.
“What does it even matter?” I cry out. “He’s going to kill me and my babies anyway. If I’m gonna go down, I might as well go down fighting.”
Those words sound a lot more badass than they feel. As my legs are locked down with tight cuffs, I feel my spirit die a little inside. My babies aren’t even born yet and already, I’m failing at motherhood.
Grigory adjusts the stirrups out to each side and my legs part against my will. “I’m going to check for dilation. This might hurt a little.”
“No. Stop. Stop.”
He doesn’t stop. He pulls on a glove and inserts his hand between my legs. I wince against the sharp pain as another contraction starts up. They’re coming fast now. Too fast. Too fucking fast.
“You’re at eight centimeters. It’s almost time to start pushing.”
Pushing?
“Y-you’re not cutting me open?”
His eyes meet mine over my swollen stomach. “If we cut you open, we risk losing you on the table. Boris wants you alive for… after.”
I’m not sure why but I’m relieved. Probably because the thought of this group of people cutting me open feels a little bit like being a piece of meat at a butcher’s shop. At least I’ll have the small dignity of delivering my babies myself.
The butchery will come afterward.
“I’m going to give you an epidural for the pain.”
“No!”
He pauses. “No?”
“If I’m going to be forced to have my babies now, I want to remember every single detail. I want to feel it. Every single thing.”
Grigory frowns. “An epidural won’t affect your ability to remember this. It will only numb you so that the experience isn’t as painful. Considering what you’ll go through after this, I’d want to avoid as much pain as you can beforehand, if I were you.”
It’s a strange and terrifying warning delivered like run-of-the-mill medical advice, which only makes it all the more chilling. But I shake my head anyway. “No. I want to have my babies naturally. Like I said, I want to feel everything.”
Grigory shrugs. “It’s your call.”
I collapse back against my pillow. My sweat is soaking through the sheets until they stick to my bare skin. For a while, all I can feel is the rattle of my breath in my lungs. Then, out of nowhere, another contraction starts up with a vengeance.
As my spine arches once more and that splitting-me-apart pain reaches its fever pitch, I keep my mouth sealed shut, even when it’s almost impossible not to scream. This might just be the most painful one yet. Surely, whatever Boris has in store for me is nothing compared to this, right?