“He doesn’t hate you.”
I focus my attention back on the petite brown-haired woman. “You don’t know Uri Bugrov very well, do you?”
She smiles. “Would you believe that I used to babysit him and his brother? My father was the doctor for the Bugrov Bratva before me. After he retired, I took his position.” Emily winks and pats the back of my hand reassuringly. “I’ve known Uri for a very long time, Alyssa. He may come off as cold, but he’s not a cold person. Not in the ways that matter.”
I shake my head. “Maybe not. But he has reason to be cold with me. I’m the reason Polly’s gone. I’m the reason she’s in danger.”
Emily folds my fingers in hers. “Stress is not good for the baby, Alyssa. You need to be kinder to yourself.”
“How can I be, when Polly’s still in danger? I’ve been trying to wrack my brains the last two days, trying to remember what happened. They were… I think they were speaking in Russian. They mentioned something but I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t… I couldn’t…”
“Hey now. Take a deep breath.”
Sometimes, it feels like my whole damn life has been a series of deep breaths. When do I get to the part where I can just breathe easy and it doesn’t take effort or thought or pain?
“Uri and Nikolai will find Polly. They’ll make this right.”
“I need to make it right,” I sob. “This is all my fault.” I cover my face with my hands and cry into my palms. I can taste the salt of my own tears.
“Alyssa, look at me.” It’s hard not to be drawn in by the kindness in her voice. I lift my watery eyes to hers. “You’re going to be okay and so is your baby. I’m not going to tell anyone that you’re pregnant.”
My eyes go wide. “You aren’t?”
“I’m not.” She shakes her head. “I’m hoping that you will tell Uri soon, though. I assume he’s the father?”
I swallow. “H-how did you know?”
“Just a feeling I got when he told me about you. That and the way you speak about him. There’s obviously something there.”
“Yeah. Hurt, anger, and resentment. And a lot of hate.”
Emily gives me a small smile. “You’d be surprised at how close together love and hate can travel.”
Love? What a joke.
Love? No way.
Love?! Get fucking real.
I’m so stunned by the ridiculousness of the word that I don’t even attempt to deny it as Emily gets to her feet and starts gathering together all her medical equipment. “I’ll leave you with some prenatal vitamins. I need you to take them every day. And eat well. Lots of water and vegetables. Get your rest, too. I understand that you’re worried about Polly, but you need to take care of yourself and this baby. If you don’t… I’m gonna have to break my promise and tell Uri myself. Is that clear?”
I nod meekly and take the bottle of prenatal vitamins she hands me. “Will you come see me again?” I ask when she’s at the door.
“I’ll come back next week for a follow-up.”
My stomach sinks. I was hoping that she’d be able to come sooner, if for no other reason than that I need some human contact. I need to talk to someone who treats me like I’m a real person, not a pawn on a chessboard.
Emily knocks twice on the basement door and, a second later, it opens. She gives me a last parting smile before she disappears and the door slams closed.
When she’s gone, I lie back down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Despite the doctor’s advice, the only thing that keeps circling around in my head is Polly.
A pair of hazel eyes, begging for help through the darkness.
I wake up in cold sweats, so sure that they’re right there in front of me that I reach out, trying to grab Polly from their grasp.
“No!” I gasp. “No! You can’t take her.”
The darkness scatters away from me and I grasp at thin air. It was a dream. Just a dream. I’m not in that cell anymore. I’m in an entirely different basement, living an entirely different nightmare.
But once reality settles in, something pushes through the thick curtain of my memory—Polly’s panicked voice as she told me what the Russians were discussing. There’s something else scraping the surface of my memory but I can’t quite reach it.
It doesn’t matter. I have something to offer Uri. Something that might help him locate Polly. I stumble out of bed and half-limp towards the door. My right leg still hasn’t woken up, but I ignore the pins and needles as I start pounding my fists against the basement door.