If I squint, he looks a lot like Uri. I have to resist the urge, though. I don’t want him to think I’m completely insane.
“Even if you don’t feel like talking,” he continues, “you have to try. Emily said—”
“You spoke to Dr. Popov?” I shove myself all the way upright. “What did she tell you?”
“She told me that you were showing signs of PTSD and that you needed to be taken care of. She called yesterday to ask how you were doing.”
“So that’s why you’re here now?”
“Among other reasons.” He sighs. “Would it help if I got her down here to talk to you?”
I hesitate before I shake my head. “The only person I want to speak to won’t even look at me.”
Nikolai winces and scrubs a hand over his stubbled beard. “It’s because he’s hurting, Alyssa. He prides himself on being this family’s protector. He’s taking it all personally.”
“‘Personally’？” I laugh right in Nikolai’s face. “He’s not taking it personally; he’s taking it out on me.”
Right on cue, that familiar, thudding cadence strikes up again in my head.
My fault.
My fault.
My fucking fault.
It’s hard to be mad at Uri when I know he’s right to despise me.
“I know it seems that way, but he doesn’t blame you; he blames himself. And I’ll admit… I blamed him, too, for a while.” I raise my eyebrows and Nikolai continues with a grimace. “I thought it was foolish and short-sighted to bring you here and expose you to Lev and Polly. He was putting his needs above the family’s. I said he was acting irresponsibly. But… I also underestimated his feelings for you.”
My eyes go wide. “His feelings for me? What feelings? He hates me.”
Now, it’s Nikolai’s turn to bark an incredulous laugh. “Uri wouldn’t bother wasting his anger on you if he didn’t feel something else to go with it. Trust me on that.”
I can only gawk at Nikolai open-mouthed. He’s wrong—he has to be—I can feel it in my bones. But which part is wrong? Where’s the flaw in the theory? I’m trapped down here in this basement and Uri is staying far away upstairs, so this is all I have to go on.
It’s pathetic how eager I am to latch onto it.
“Now, will you eat a little something or do I need to get Emily in here?”
I nod grudgingly. “I’ll eat.” Nikolai brings the tray of food around and I pick at the warm croissant. My stomach roils but it doesn’t translate to my appetite. I eat anyway.
“I-is there any news… about Polly?” I venture.
Nikolai shakes his head gently. “Not yet.” He meets my gaze for a second. “But don’t worry: if anyone can find Polly, it’s Uri.”
Just like the rest of what he’s said, I have to believe that, too.
The only alternative is madness.
10
URI
I’ve been pulling at different threads for hours now. Each one comes up empty. Each call leaves me with more worry than reassurance.
I’ve pored over the names of the men who are a frequent part of the skin auctions. All of them are rich and powerful. And each one has their own perversions.
There’s a Belgian with a taste of sadomasochism. A Czech who loves to share his purchases with all his soldiers. An American who experiments with bestiality.
Monsters, one and all.
And my fourteen-year-old sister is at the center of their web.
I’ve got my men scouring every little pocket of the city, trying to get whatever information they can about upcoming transactions. But the private ones are still shrouded behind a thick veil of secrecy. Every time I try to penetrate it, the trail disappears altogether, leaving me grasping at smoke and half-formed rumors.
The fact that I haven’t slept properly in over forty-eight hours isn’t helping matters.
My head feels heavy. So does my chest. Sometimes, when I blink, I see Polly, stripped and strung up like a piece of meat for all those depraved animals to leer at.
“Fuck,” I mutter to my empty office. “FUCK!”
Every damn second that ticks by is another second I’m losing to those beasts. What if she’s already been put up for sale? What if she’s already gone? What if someone lecherous fuck has his hands on her right now?
I get to the point where I feel as though poking my eyeballs out is the only option left. It’s been a few hours since Nikolai left and as much as we butt heads sometimes, his presence has been calming. Especially when I’m spiraling.