Maybe because you don’t really blame her for what happened at all.
I push that voice away. What do I have if I don’t have my anger? What do I do if I don’t have a scapegoat to blame?
My door slams open and one of my security personnel, Chekhov, appears on the threshold looking damp and out of breath. I get to my feet immediately. No one just barges into my office unless there’s a damn good reason.
“What is it?”
“Boss, I heard a scream from inside the basement. I went in to check and—”
I don’t wait for him to finish. The look on his face is all I need to know that something has gone very wrong. I’m already running down the hall towards the basement, pushing past everything and everyone in my way.
When I blow into the basement, I find Alyssa sitting in a pool of blood, staring down, staring at her bloody thighs in confusion.
“Alyssa.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “I… I think I’m losing the babies,” she chokes out.
I grit my teeth. “Not if I have anything to say about it.” I scoop her into my arms and turn towards the door. “Chekhov! Get one of the SUVs ready and call Dr. Popov. We’re heading to the hospital.”
She feels unbearably light in my arms. She doesn’t move or fidget as I carry her upstairs. Her head falls against my chest as though the effort of keeping it upright is just too much for her.
I keep her on my lap through the whole ride to the hospital. The slip she’s wearing has mopped up some of the blood, so I’m hoping that it looks a whole lot worse than it is. Every so often, I can feel the moisture from her tears soak into my shirt.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I tell her softly. “You’re gonna be okay.”
She doesn’t say a word. Her face is paler than I’ve ever seen it and the eight-minute drive to the hospital is the longest of my life. I bark at Chekhov twice to drive faster and then I curse at him for driving too fast.
My chest feels tight. It’s like every beat is costing me something. Looking down at her doesn’t help a goddamn thing. She just looks so sad… so lost.
I would give anything to make sure she’s alright. I would literally kill if it means I could save her.
She’s loaded onto a gurney when we get to St. Mary’s Memorial and rolled into one of the emergency rooms. I follow her in and bark at a nurse who tells me that I need to stay out. It isn’t until I see Emily that I calm down a little.
“Uri,” she says urgently, rushing over to me, “I’m gonna take care of her, okay? But you need to wait out here.”
“No,” I growl. “I’m coming in.”
“That wouldn’t be helpful. I can’t look after you and help Alyssa at the same time. Now, please, stay here and I’ll send a nurse with an update.”
She has to physically push me out of the room. I spend the next half-hour pacing the corridor outside the emergency room like a caged animal, my thoughts going haywire.
Is this my fault? Is my anger going to cost me Alyssa’s trust? Will my pride cost me my unborn children?
But no matter how many times I ask the questions or how many laps I do in the lobby, there are no answers to be found.
“Uri.”
I whip around to see Emily. I hadn’t even noticed her exit the emergency room. “Is she okay?”
She gives me a reassuring smile. “She’s fine. Stable for now. Everything looks good.”
“Everything?” I repeat. “Does that mean…？”
“The babies are good, too. There was some fetal distress, but I managed to get in there in time. Alyssa and the babies are all going to be fine.”
The relief that floods my body is so powerful that I have to sit down for a second. Emily follows me to the chairs set up against the wall and takes the seat next to me.
“She’s being moved to a room in the ward. You’ll be able to see her there in a few minutes.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “Uri… we’re not joking when we say that pregnant women need to avoid stress during their pregnancies. She needs to be in a state of calm if she’s going to carry those children to term. And you have to help with that.”
“I know. Fuck, I know.”
“Good. I won’t lecture you anymore. Now, take a deep breath and go and see your family.”
Family. That word puts shit into perspective, whether I like it or not. It also forces me to come to another realization, one that I’ve been trying to avoid for some time now.