His eyes narrow. “I watch every game. I’m proud of you. For your success. You’re amazing on the field.”
I rub my jaw. Yeah, maybe, but he never was into sports. He wanted me to go to law school, only it wasn’t what I wanted; plus, I couldn’t get into his alma mater anyway. “Thanks.”
“I may not have always been there for you, but this time—”
I scoff, interrupting him. I hadn’t wanted to get into this with him, but he’s gone and said the one thing I can deal with. “You were never there for us.”
He blows out a breath. “I know.”
“Were you concerned when Brody and I took turns sitting with Mom because we were freaked out about her depression? How about when you shipped us off to boarding school before Brody and I had even stopped crying about her? Your expectation for me to give one shit about your concern evaporated years ago.”
His face dips as he stares at the ground, then looks back up at me. “Is that what you think? That I didn’t care? I was devastated when she asked me to leave. I didn’t want to go, and then she died before we could fix it.”
Yeah, I’ve heard this before. “You cheated on her. That’s what matters.”
“I made a horrible mistake. Once. I admitted it immediately. I loved your mother, Graham. Right before you went skiing, we’d planned to meet. She was finally going to see me again . . .”
His eyes well up, and I wince. The only time I’ve ever seen my father cry was at my mother’s funeral, but his tears that day made me furious.
But today my chest tightens, and I look away, fighting the emotion the memories bring. My head goes back to those images I saw when I was clinically dead, of him walking away from us with his suitcase.
“Then you shipped Brody and me away. You didn’t want us.”
“That was the second-biggest mistake of my life. Your mother died because of me. I know that. If I had been there, if I had never cheated, she wouldn’t have been alone . . . It’s easy for a lawyer to fill his time with work, and by the time I lifted my head up and decided it was time to get back to life, you were a star football player. Neither of you needed me.”
I shake my head. “You taught us to live without you.”
“But you still won’t let me be a father.”
Because I saw the hurt my mother had experienced. I saw her fucking tears. I was there the day she skied off the mountain. I can’t let go of his mistake.
“What about Grandmother’s will? Brody will be cheated out of his marriage share. If you want to be a father, why’ve you stayed silent?”
He cocks his head. “Unfortunately, my mother wrote her wishes, which excluded Brody. Legally, it’s cut and dried. I didn’t have anything to do with that.”
I shake my head. “You could’ve said something.”
“Of course I’m angry for Brody. I’ve offered him money, but he won’t take it.” He exhales. “I’m not here to argue. I saw your announcement and thought we could touch base. I don’t want to regret not making my feelings known now. I don’t want to watch you get hurt on that field again.”
Football is my life. It’s what I clung to like a life support when Mom died, when he sent us away.
I stare at him for a minute, trying to build my anger inside again to respond, and it does come, but something about it tastes of regret too. In thirty years of life, this is the first real conversation my father and I have ever had.
“Fine,” I say grudgingly. “It is good to see you.”
His eyebrow pops up. “Do you really mean that?”
I shrug. Things aren’t perfect between us, but it does mean something that he hunted me down. “Yeah.”
He pats me awkwardly on the shoulder, then steps out of my way to let me open the car door.
He starts to walk away but turns. “If I’m not invited to the wedding, I’d like to host a get-together afterwards at the brownstone. What do you think? Would Brody help?”
I will need to show Emmy off, so it’s pretty much perfect for my plans. I tell him that’s fine and get in my car, watching him walk away. He’s a taciturn man, stern, and decidedly moody. Like me. And he’s never married again, nor has he ever brought another woman around us. Maybe that means something, I don’t know.
I shut the door and hit the call button on the dashboard and hear the line ring for Brody.
“Hey, bro. What’s up?”
I answer, “You would not believe the conversation I just had with Dad. Also, I need you to help him plan a party after the marriage. Nothing fancy. Plain and simple. Can you get in touch with him?”